The Mask
by TheBeautifulNerd
Summary: Lily has been in a relationship with Archie for quite a while. Iain can tell that she isn't overly happy though and suspects that there could be something else going on behind closed doors. Warning: Self harm and abuse.
1. Chapter 1

**I wasn't going to post this yet because I wanted to finish some other stories first but I'd already got the chapter written and it was just sitting there so I thought I would.**

Chapter One

 _I love you xx_

 _Fancy a drink later? xxx_

 _A meal? xxxx_

 _Lily? xxxxx_

 _Why aren't you replying to my messages? xxxxxx_

Lily nervously chewed on her fingernails, as she read the dozens of text messages that Archie had sent her. She wasn't sure whether to be pleased that he wanted to spend time with her or irritated. She was at work after all and he knew that.

She leant against the reception desk and pondered on how to reply to him. Archie was her first proper boyfriend and she was still getting used to that. Her biggest worry was saying the wrong thing and upsetting him. Alicia usually helped her on that sort of thing but she was in with Connie for an appraisal.

"Doctor Chao," Noel called over to her. "There's someone on the phone for you. It's someone from psych, asking about a Mr Dingle."

Lily had almost forgotten about the patient that she'd referred to the psych ward. She still needed to reply to Archie though, or he'd keep on messaging her until she eventually did.

"Um...Could you say that I'll call them back?" Lily asked.

Noel rolled his eyes but nodded, before getting back to the phone call. Lily sighed and began to type a message to Archie. She turned round and immediately bumped into Connie. She had her arms folded across her chest sternly, and Alicia awkwardly stood at her side with a folder clutched to her chest.

"Doctor Chao, I think it's time for your appraisal next don't you?" Connie said, in one of those voices that clearly told Lily she was in trouble. "Doctor Munroe, you can work alongside Ethan for now. Well done."

Lily bit her lip, secretly annoyed and jealous that Alicia had received a fantastic appraisal off of Connie. She tucked her mobile phone into her pocket and glared across at Alicia who immediately shuffled away towards cubicles.

"With me, please," Connie sighed. "Noel, if there are any calls for me get them to leave a message and I'll phone them back later."

"Will do, Mrs Beauchamp," Noel promised.

Lily took a deep breath and followed Connie towards the office. Connie didn't say a single word to her, not even when she was rooting through her top drawer for Lily's notes.

"Lily," she eventually spoke, but not before shutting her office door. "I know that having a boyfriend is exciting but I really need you to focus on your job. You're a good doctor and it isn't like you to be distracted."

"I'm sorry, Mrs Beauchamp," Lily apologised, jumping a little as she felt her phone vibrate in her pocket. "I shall not be getting distracted again."

"I should hope not," Connie sighed, firmly placing her hands on her hips. "Take a seat please and we can get started."

Lily faintly nodded and sat down on the sofa, embarrassed over the fact that she'd allowed Archie to distract her from her job.

"Now apart from this little mishap, I am very pleased with you so far," Connie said, as she took a seat next to her. "Firstly I will mention that there have been no more problems between you and Doctor Munroe. Her return must have been a shock but you've taken it well and the two of you actually seem like good friends now. So, thank you."

"It's a pleasure, Mrs Beauchamp," Lily said.

"Okay, what else is there to say?" Connie asked, clicking her pen to try and help her think. "There hasn't been any complaints made against you."

"I should hope not," Lily said.

"Well," Connie laughed. "So you've passed all your objectives so I don't doubt that you'll get your bonus. We need to make some new objectives for you, though."

"Of course," Lily said, reading over what Connie had written, determined to point out some spelling or grammatical errors. Annoyingly, there was none.

"I'll email this across to you anyway," Connie said. "Just sign and date the bottom of the page for me and that should be you done for today."

Lily felt her phone vibrate again and she was so tempted to get it out and read what Archie had said this time. She quickly scribbled the date and her name though and handed it to Connie.

"Is everything okay?" Connie asked.

"Could I please just make a phone call before I get back to work, Mrs Beauchamp?" she questioned.

"Five minutes," Connie agreed with a small sigh, although she didn't sound happy. "I have to say Doctor Chao that I'm surprised, Mr Grayling doesn't seem like your type. Not forgetting about the age gap of course."

"He's perfect," Lily pointed out and stood up from the sofa.

"Okay," Connie said. "As long as you're happy."

"Thank you, Mrs Beauchamp," Lily said and opened the door before walking out. It really wasn't Connie's place to question Lily's boyfriend, but Lily was kind of touched that she did. It meant she cared, at least.

She took a deep breath and took her phone out of her pocket, noticing that she'd received about six messages since she last checked. They were all from Archie. She began to make her way towards the staff room whilst dialling his number.

He answered straight away and Lily wasn't even surprised by that.

"Archie, I have to get back to work," she told him straight out. "I can't talk right now."

"And you couldn't have mentioned that to me in a text?" he spat down the phone aggressively.

"Archie, we've been really busy today," Lily said, as calmly and patiently as possible. "I'm really sorry but I have just not had the time. I'll text you as soon as I've finished my shift, okay?"

"I'm sorry, Lily," he soon apologised.

A heavy sigh escaped Lily's lips as she leant against the wall with an arm across her chest.

"I was just worried about you, that's all," Archie continued. "I thought something had happened."

"It's okay," Lily said, sighing heavily to herself. "I'm fine, though, but thank you for your concern."

"So, did you want to go for a meal after work?" Archie asked her, ignoring the fact that she really did have to carry on with her shift. "I'll pay."

Lily didn't know how to answer that. She wasn't even sure on her exact finish time, mainly because they were incredibly busy and she may have to work a bit later than she was supposed to. In her opinion, she and Archie had already gone for a meal the other day so they didn't necessarily need to go today. Archie wanted to spend time with her though and she did enjoy the time that she spent with him.

"I'll see what time I finish," she said, deciding that that was the best answer for him. "If it's too late for a meal then we could always go for a drink instead," she suggested.

She flinched, as she heard Connie booming orders throughout the department and she was sure that she'd come storming into the staffroom. Lily couldn't stay in there for much longer or she was really going to be in trouble.

"I have to go," Lily said into the phone, but Archie had already hung up.

She sighed and ran a hand through her hair, before putting her phone away and out of sight. She made sure that it was switched off so if Archie did send her any more messages then she wouldn't be so tempted to look at them.

She hadn't liked the way he'd spoken to her. She told herself that they were both stressed out though and that things would be okay later on when they would be laughing for a drink.

Lily tucked some stray hairs behind her ears. She was very lucky to have a boyfriend like Archie, who was caring and protective.

So the way he'd spoken to her didn't really matter. Did it?

Lily shook her head, berating herself for getting distracted and headed back to work, knowing that otherwise, Connie would probably hang her up with her washing.

 **I hope you liked the chapter. If you have the time, please leave a review and let me know what you think :-) x**


	2. Chapter 2

**Anon: Thank you. I'm sure there'll be a lot of scenes with Iain saving the day. They are cute together and I hope they get together soon.**

 **heather curtis-rich: Thank you so much. Enjoy the update :-)**

 **A: I hope this was soon enough :-)**

Chapter Two

It was getting dark outside. Lily had only just finished work.

Archie was not at all happy with her. She'd grabbed a sandwich on her break so she had already eaten but also the majority of restaurants would be full and starting to close up. The late shifts didn't bother Lily too much, she rather enjoyed them actually and it usually meant that she wasn't forced to start early the next day. She was still due to work tomorrow but luckily she didn't need to start until eleven so she could sleep in for a bit longer and slowly ease into the day.

"Hey Lily!" Iain called to her. She signed out at reception and turned to listen to him. "A few of us are going for drinks at the pub. Are you coming? We won't be stopping late."

"Um...I'm sorry," Lily said, almost regretfully. "I can't. I'm meeting Archie."

"Right," Iain sighed, trying his best not to look disappointed. "Of course you are. Well, I'll see you tomorrow then I guess."

Lily nodded and gave him an apologetic smile, as he exited the ED with a few of the guys. She sighed and turned to leave herself, just as Alicia ran over to catch her up.

"Lily!" Alicia grinned, tapping her on the shoulder to grab her attention. "You and Archie, huh? You're getting pretty serious with him."

"I guess we are," Lily said awkwardly.

"See?" Alicia beamed, proud of herself. "Good things can happen if you just build up the courage to make the first move. Hopefully, the two of you will be together for a long time."

"Doctor Munroe," Lily stopped her there. "I really have to get going. I'll see you tomorrow."

"Oh," Alicia nodded faintly and tucked a few loose strands of her hair behind her ears. "Okay. You too."

Archie had suggested they meet at 'The Red Lion,' a quiet pub just around the corner. They'd be away from the noise and bustle, in other words away from everyone that they knew. Lily could tell that Archie wasn't happy from the moment she saw him standing outside 'The Red Lion' and her stomach immediately tied into a knot.

She felt sick awaiting his reaction.

"Archie," she greeted, trying to make herself sound confident and strong. "Shall we go inside?"

"What time do you call this?" he hissed and tapped the expensive, gold watch that hung around his left wrist.

"I did text you saying that I'd be finishing a little later," Lily reminded him. "I'm sorry but I could not help it. We were busy."

"So work is more important than your own boyfriend, is it?" he said.

"I thought you would understand," Lily whispered. "I'm sorry."

"Just go inside," Archie sighed, giving Lily a small but hard shove towards the entrance. "And get that look off of your face already. You're embarrassing me."

Lily wasn't sure how that was even possible. He was the one who'd just told her off for working late when she couldn't actually help it, so she was bound to feel hurt and upset by his comments. Did he seriously expect her to be over the moon?

"Right. I'll have a beer," Archie said, as they made their way over to the bar.

Lily frowned to herself, wondering what he meant by that. Was he expecting her to pay for him? She hadn't been expecting him to pay, she'd just assumed that they'd pay for their own drinks but clearly Archie hadn't had the same thought.

"I...I might not even have anything," she said. "I'm tired. It's been a long day."

"Okay," he scoffed and raised his eyebrows. "But I'll still have a beer."

When Lily didn't speak, Archie just sighed and gave his order to the barman. Lily chewed on the inside of her mouth anxiously, jumping a little bit as the pint of beer was slammed down in front of them.

"She's paying." Archie told him, gesturing to his girlfriend.

"Okay," the barman said. "Cash or card?"

Now Lily really was in an awkward position. She couldn't refuse to pay in front of the barman, he'd accuse them of stealing and they'd most likely both get thrown out. Maybe not but she didn't really want to take that risk.

She turned to look at Archie who was just smirking proudly to himself. She forced a smile and dug into her handbag before pulling out a ten-pound note and handing it over to the barman. She waited for her change and Archie picked up his glass before going to take the table by the window. Lily reluctantly followed and sat down opposite.

"Change please," he said, holding out his hand.

"What?" Lily asked. "But I paid."

"But it's my beer," he said. "Change!"

Lily gulped and handed over the coins, wondering how on earth she was going to pay for a taxi home. Archie sipped at his beer, staring intensely at her the whole time. Lily shifted uncomfortably and sat her handbag down at her feet.

"Why are you being like this?" she asked. "I said I was sorry. Being a registrar is important to me though and I can't help it if Mrs Beauchamp wants me to work overtime."

"Just stop with the lies, Lily," Archie hissed. "You didn't want to go out tonight, just admit that."

"I...I did..." Lily stuttered. "That isn't true."

Archie shook his head and turned to stare out of the window. There wasn't much to look at; a couple were arguing and shouting at each other over something, a pair of cats sat on a fence scrapping at each other, and a homeless man was rooting through the bins for food.

"Are you able to take me home later?" she asked. "I...I don't have any money on me."

"What?" he scoffed. "So you expect me to pay for my own beer and now you want me to take you home?"

"It's fine." Lily gave a small shrug of the shoulders. "Do you mind if I head home now? I'm feeling tired and it's already dark."

"Sure," he chuckled nastily. "I don't really want to be sat with someone who looks completely fed up and not like they really want to be here. Just get out of here, Lily."

Lily's fake smile faded and she bent down to pick up her bag. Sniffing to hold back her tears, she left the pub in silence without even saying a goodbye to Archie. Outside, she leant against the brick wall and tried to think about how she'd make it home. She could have easily walked but the thought of doing that in the dark made her anxious. She'd purposely not brought her bike to work because she knew that she'd be seeing Archie for a drink afterwards.

She was stranded. She had no choice but to walk.

"Lily?"

Her head popped up at the sound of someone calling her name and she turned to see Iain strolling past.

"What are you doing out here?" he asked.

"Oh, um...Archie had to get home," she lied quickly.

"And he left you here by yourself, did he?" Iain said, walking over to her. "Did he not give you a lift?"

"He really had to get going," Lily said, embarrassed. "I told him that I was fine to walk."

"No, don't be daft," Iain said. "My car is in the car park just around the corner. I'll take you home."

"Have you not been drinking?" she asked him.

"Nah." He shook his head. "Besides, it doesn't bother me. Come on, good thing I was walking by eh?"

"Yeah," Lily said shyly, as she started to walk with Iain. "It was."

"So, why did you come to this pub then?" Iain questioned her. "It's rather quiet, isn't it? No excitement."

"Archie just wanted some time alone," Lily said. "We wouldn't really get that with you guys, would we?" Iain laughed and pressed the unlock button on his key as they arrived at his car. "Thanks for the lift by the way."

"Hey, it's okay," Iain said. "It'd be nice to have the company, as long as you don't mind country music."

"Country?" Lily's eyes widened, as she slid into the passenger seat of his car.

"Hey," Iain chuckled, climbing into the drivers' seat. "Don't tell anyone, yeah? It's a bit of a guilty pleasure of mine."

"Don't worry," Lily said, looking into the mirror and smiling genuinely for the first time in a while. "I won't say a word."

 **Thank you to everyone who reviewed the first chapter. I hope you all enjoy the update. I'll try and post Chapter 3 as soon as I can.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Dancingwithmyshadow6: Thank you, I thought it was a good way to ease into it. Enjoy this chapter.**

 **A: I try and update as much as I possibly can. Sometimes it's hard but I manage it. Thanks for your very kind review :-)**

 **heather curtis-rich: It was. More Iain and Lily interaction to come!**

Chapter Three

Lily didn't sleep a single wink that night. Every time she closed her eyes, she was distracted at the thought of how Archie had treated her. She just thanked the fact that Iain had been walking by or she might not have made it home alive.

She knew that was an awful thing to assume, but it had been dark, and who knows who you'd bump into? The world was an awful place, anything could have happened. Lily didn't want to think about the things which could've happened.

Even if Lily did have a late start, she was still tired. Surviving on three hours sleep wasn't the best idea in the world and she knew that if she didn't have work then she would be able to grab a few more hours. Unfortunately, though, just thinking about missing work caused the guilt to rise up inside of her and she knew that she would never be able to forgive herself if she called in sick.

She examined her weary self in the mirror and ran a brush through her tangled hair. She didn't look like the normal Lily Chao, but it was nothing that a slap of make-up couldn't fix. She yawned and chucked her hairbrush onto the bed, making a quick grab for her make-up bag. She applied her lipstick carefully, slapped some foundation on and quickly coated her eyelashes with some mascara.

"That will have to do," Lily sighed, not overly happy with her appearance, but feeling conscious of time.

Checking herself in the mirror again, she grabbed her handbag and slipped on a pair of black, ankle boots. She often wore them when she wanted to feel comfortable but also look sophisticated as well. She headed into the kitchen, grabbed a bottle of water from the refrigerator and left for work without any breakfast.

Although hungry, breakfast was the last thing on her mind. She ended up driving to work, completely distracted by the constant rumbling of her stomach. Maybe she should have eaten something. Even so, she just couldn't bring herself to do it.

"Hey Lily," Ethan greeted, when she entered the ED. He was early, as usual. "We missed you at the pub yesterday."

"I'm sorry, I couldn't make it," she said, her eyes shifty. They were full of sadness and uncertainty. "Maybe next time."

"Sure," he agreed and gave her a nod. "Of course."

Ethan was her best friend and even he didn't notice that there was something wrong. Was there something wrong, though? Really, she had no reason to be upset. She had a boyfriend who she loved and he'd only been angry with her because she'd messed up in the first place, she'd been the one to let him down. She knew that she had to apologise and made sure to send him one via text before locking her belongings away for the rest of her shift. She couldn't risk Connie catching her with her phone again.

She sighed heavily and glanced at her watch, realising that she had a whole two minutes left before she actually clocked in. That was a whole two minutes to down a coffee and wake herself up. What was wrong with her today? Lily Chao did not get tired, Lily Chao did not try and waste time to get out of working. She blamed it on the lack of sleep and made her way across to the shop.

"Hi Lily," Gem greeted her, a natural smile on her face. "The usual, yeah?"

"Yeah," Lily repeated in a quiet voice. "No milk, though, please. I'll take it black."

"Are you sure?" Gem grimaced at just the thought of drinking black coffee. She'd always preferred it sweet.

"Positive," Lily said, handing over some money that she'd shoved into her pocket. "Thank you."

"How are you anyway?" Gem asked as she prepared the hot drink for Lily. "You look tired."

"Is it that noticeable?" Lily managed a small smile and sighed to herself. "Why do you think I'm having my coffee black this morning?"

"Point taken," Gem laughed, and handed the drink over to her. "Well, enjoy."

"I'll try," Lily said and had a sip, trying to ignore the fact that it did actually taste disgusting. "Have a good day, Gem," she said and walked away.

As soon as she was away from the shop, she chucked the coffee straight into the bin. How did she possibly think that it would help wake her up? It tasted awful and in fact just made her feel sick. She clutched at the stethoscope that hung around her neck and tried to take deep breaths, wondering if Archie had replied to her text yet. Would he forgive her?

Tears stung her eyes but she quickly blinked them back, making sure that her mascara wouldn't run and cause her to look like a panda. The sound of Cal shouting for help made her snap out of her trance and she quickly hurried towards his voice.

He was kneeling on the pavement outside the entrance, supporting a woman who was fitting violently on the ground.

"What happened, Doctor Knight?" Lily asked and sprung into action.

"She was complaining of stomach pains earlier," Cal informed the registrar. "I was just getting her to come back into the ED so that we could examine her, but she refused. She then collapsed and started fitting. It's been going on for a while now, almost five minutes."

"And you didn't think to grab someone sooner?" Lily snapped. "Just when I thought you were growing out of your incompetence!"

"Lily, I am still your senior and I'd rather you didn't speak to me like that," Cal argued, frowning at her before looking back at the fitting lady. "This woman needs our help so let's just focus on that, yeah?"

"I wouldn't need to speak to you like that if you weren't totally useless," Lily shouted.

Cal glanced across at Lily out of the corner of his eye. Right now the patient was their main problem but in the back of his mind, he wondered why Lily was being much ruder than usual. It was probably nothing, though, he thought.

* * *

Lily pushed open the door to the staff room and sat down on the sofa. She sighed and sniffed, whilst running her hands down her face. How could she have been so stupid? The woman looked no older than thirty, surely they could have done something to save her.

"It happens," Cal said, knowing exactly what Lily was thinking about as he followed her into the room. "You shouldn't beat yourself up over it."

"We couldn't save her," Lily whispered.

"We're doctors," Cal said, almost as if Lily needed reminding. "Sometimes we save lives, sometimes we can't manage it. We chose to do it, though, Lily. What I'm saying is that you shouldn't expect to save everyone. You should use this. Use it to make yourself a better doctor."

Lily shrugged her shoulders. She'd used that phrase before on Iain but hearing it from someone else didn't make her feel any better.

"Grab yourself a coffee," Cal said. "We all know how you get when you overwork yourself, and quite frankly you look exhausted."

"Don't you hate me?" Lily asked.

"Why would I?" Cal scoffed, frowning at her.

"Because of the way I snapped at you earlier," Lily said quietly.

"No, Lily," Cal sighed. "I don't hate you. We were both scared."

And with that, he gave her a small smile, before leaving the room. Tears stung Lily's eyes and she started to scratch at her arms anxiously without realising. She stopped and folded her arms, looking down at the long, white lines that she'd created with her nails. She sucked in a breath and thought about her mobile hidden at the very back of her locker.

Cal clearly did hate her. It was obvious, and she'd caused that because she couldn't watch her mouth. What if Archie hated her too?


	4. Chapter 4

**Dancingwithmyshadow6: Thank you :-)**

 **heather curtis-rich: So do I, I've had many experience with it. I hope so as well. Iain will be in the next chapter.**

 **livingthefictionallife: Let's hope so :-)**

Chapter Four

Although Lily didn't want to admit it to herself or anyone else for that matter, she'd really enjoyed her break. God, it even made her feel guilty to think it. After all, she was meant to love her job. But it was getting increasingly difficult when all she felt was stress, stress, and stress.

Losing a patient was always hard and she couldn't help but feel like it was her fault, even though Cal had said that they'd done their best.

She felt stressed for the rest of the day. Not only had a patient died but the ED was getting busier and busier, and Connie had asked her to work late again. She was stood at the reception desk, flicking through a file and trying to find some information when the paper caught her finger. She hissed in pain, missing the page that she was on in the process.

"Ouch, bad paper cut?" Elle sympathised and sighed whilst Lily just cradled her sore finger. "Go and get a plaster. I'll finish up here if you want, I'm not too busy."

Lily gave her a thankful nod and headed off to the bathroom so that she could run it under a tap first. She noticed that her finger was actually bleeding. Her wound hurt but somehow it made her feel better.

It was like a distraction from her guilt for failing to save the patient and a punishment at the same time. It was impossible to worry about anything else while her skin was sliced in two, after all.

She squeezed her skin together, causing more blood to pour out of her cut, and quickly ran the cold tap.

She gulped and turned off the water, looking back down at the cut. Taking a deep breath, she peeled back a bit of her skin and hissed in pain as more blood appeared.

"Shit," she cursed, tears stinging her eyes.

The door to the bathroom opened and she turned her head to see Elle hovering nearby. Lily immediately jumped, then blushed, embarrassed at her behaviour.

"That looks even worse than it did before," she said, peering over Lily's shoulder. "How did that happen?"

"It... It isn't any worse," Lily lied quickly, blinking back her tears. "It was this bad before. Honestly."

"Are you sure about that?" Elle asked. "Didn't I tell you to go and get a plaster?"

"I was giving it a wash first," Lily said, grabbing a paper towel to dry it on. "You...You're not even in charge around here anymore, Doctor Gardner. Mrs Beauchamp is."

"So shall we go and see Mrs Beauchamp about your jumpy behaviour then?" Elle suggested, clearing her throat and folding her arms across her chest.

"I'm not jumpy," Lily lied and chucked the paper towel into the nearby bin. "See? All better now."

"That still needs a plaster," Elle said, glancing at Lily's cut suspiciously. "Come with me and I'll find you one."

"I can find it myself," Lily stated.

"I would rather come with you," Elle said, placing a hand on her back. "I know how dedicated you are to your job Doctor Chao, you're bound to head straight back to work without taking care of that cut first."

"It's just a paper cut, not a broken arm," Lily said, reluctantly following Elle out of the bathroom.

"But when you work in a hospital, you need all cuts covered up so that infections don't happen," Elle said. "I will get you a plaster and then I will leave you alone. I promise. This will need recording in the accident book, though."

"I know," Lily sighed.

Elle quickly grabbed Lily a plaster and had her sign and make a note of her injury, before sending her on her way. She'd never seen someone so determined and eager to get back to work and she had to laugh. Signing her own name next to Lily's, she tucked the book under her arm and headed across to Connie's office.

"Lily's just accidentally cut herself," she informed the clinical lead and threw the book onto her desk. "I've recorded it in there for you."

"Okay, thank you," Connie sighed, clearly busy and swept off her feet. "Do I need to change the rota?"

"No." Elle shook her head. "It was just a paper cut, nothing big."

"Okay, thank you," Connie said, lifting her head slowly. "Was that everything?" Elle nodded, her hand on the handle of the open office door. "Well, you may go then, please. I am extremely busy."

"Clearly," Elle sighed, rolling her eyes before exiting.

* * *

Lily scrambled around in the back of her locker for her phone, managing to find it after about ten minutes of searching. She grabbed it quickly, dropping it to the floor as she did so. Quickly crouching to pick it up, she unlocked it and checked her recent messages.

Archie.

The first message made her feel sick to her stomach.

 _You useless idiot! You left the tap on this morning and now the entire place has flooded!_

Lily frowned for two reasons. One, she knew that the tap was turned off when she left the house. Two, why had Archie even gone round to hers anyway? He had a key to her flat but that was usually just for emergencies.

 _Seriously? Can you not do anything right?_

Tears stung Lily's eyes and she chucked her mobile at the wall. She didn't deserve Archie. She'd almost flooded her flat and she hadn't even realised, how stupid could she get? She gasped and dug her nails into her arm, gasping and biting down on her lip as pain shot through her. She squeezed her eyes shut and continued to dig her nails in, praying that no one would walk in on her.

Opening her eyes, she rolled up her shirt sleeve and saw that she'd actually pierced the skin. She was bleeding. She didn't even care though. She kicked the lockers and picked her phone up before chucking it into hers and slamming it shut. She couldn't bear to look at another message from Archie.

She looked down at her arm again and a small smile formed across her face. She leaned back against the lockers with her arm held out in front of her and picked at the loose bits of skin. Blood came harder and with every bit of damage, Lily felt a little bit better.

She knew that she couldn't head back to work like that, though. She grabbed the tissue that she kept in her pocket and quickly wiped away the blood before rolling down her shirt sleeve.

She couldn't see a thing, which meant that no one else would either.

"Lily!" Robyn hurried in after calling her name.

Lily breathed a sigh of relief, thanking the fact that Robyn hadn't come in earlier. Who knows what she would have walked in on?

"I'm sorry for disturbing you," she apologised. "But you're needed in resus. We have a major RTC coming in."

"Okay," Lily replied. "I'll be right there."

Robyn nodded at her and rushed back out to go and help. She hadn't even noticed that there was something wrong with Lily. She hadn't even asked if she was okay.

Lily bit her lip and sighed before exiting the room, rubbing at her sleeve to feel the stings of her small cuts on her arm.

Lily didn't mind the stings of pain. Not at all. After all, she deserved it. Didn't she?


	5. Chapter 5

**Ltfl: She does and let's hope she does soon.**

 **MrsWhovian: Aw thank you so much, enjoy the update :-)**

 **Dancingwithmyshadow6: Thank you :-)**

Chapter Five

It was another sleepless night for Lily.

She'd gone to bed late anyway after yet another argument with Archie. What he had said was true, though she really did not understand how she'd managed to leave the tap running. The carpets were ruined but it could have been a lot worse, Archie had arrived at her flat just in time and thank God that he did as well. He'd also offered to pay for the damage, although he wasn't happy about it, and Lily had just been left feeling guilty about the whole situation.

Whilst Archie slept, after inviting himself to stay the night, Lily crept into the living room to watch TV. It was two thirty in the morning and she knew that she wasn't close to getting any sleep within the next couple of hours.

She yawned and curled up on the sofa, whilst an old episode of Friends played in the background. It was surprising how little there was on TV in the early hours of the morning. Surely there'd be other people in the world who couldn't sleep, right?

She glanced down at the mark on her arm and began to pick at the skin. She winced in pain, picking at a particularly lose part and causing it to bleed slightly again. Shaking it off, she blinked back her tears and folded her bare arms across her chest. She gulped and sighed to herself, turning her attention back to Friends.

All that could be heard was the faint sound of the TV.

* * *

"Where were you this morning then?" Archie asked the next day, as he stood in Lily's kitchen and made himself his regular cup of morning coffee. "I woke up and you weren't there."

"Oh," Lily shook her head, as she grabbed the box of cereal out of the cupboard. "I woke up early. Would you like some?"

"You're not seriously going to eat that, are you?" he asked, and Lily's eyes went wide. What did he mean by that? "I just care about you, Lily. All I'm saying is that you could do with losing a little bit of weight, nothing big, just enough."

"And how much is 'enough', exactly?" Lily asked, slowly and subtly putting the box of cereal back into the cupboard.

"Well, I don't know," he said and had another sip. "A few pounds. Why don't you have some fruit for breakfast instead?" He picked an apple out of the fruit bowl and tossed it to her. Luckily for Lily, she managed to catch it. "I'm off for the day," he said, placing his empty mug into the washing up bowl. "Try not to ruin anything this time, yeah?"

"I really am sorry for that, Archie," Lily apologised quietly. "I...I really did think that I turned the tap off."

"Whatever," he scoffed and rolled his eyes, before leaving her flat.

Lily looked down at the shiny, red apple in her hands. She sighed out in frustration, slammed it back down in the fruit bowl and held her hands to her head. Archie wanted this perfect woman, and she couldn't give him that. She looked down at the clothes that she was wearing, at the arm that she'd caused to bleed yesterday, at the black ankle boots that she was wearing on her feet. All she wanted to do was crawl back into bed and sleep, but she had to tell herself off for even thinking about skipping work. Her stomach grumbled and she realised that she probably should have just eaten the apple.

She didn't though. Archie's words were playing on her mind.

Instead, she just grabbed her bag and headed off for work.

When she arrived in the car park, Iain and Jez were playing a very messy game of basketball. Lily couldn't help but watch them as she parked her bike. They always looked so happy and carefree and she couldn't help but feel jealous.

"Lily! Catch!" Iain shouted, chucking the basketball to her. Lily turned a bit too late and the ball bounced one and just ended up rolling straight past her. "Or not," Iain chuckled, shrugging his shoulders.

"I'll get it, mate!" Jez offered and hurried to catch up with the ball before it rolled into an upcoming car. He bounded after it, hurriedly apologizing to the driver with a grin on his face.

"How are you anyway, chuckles?" Iain asked, making his way over to Lily.

"I'm fine," she replied. An obvious lie, but she hoped that Iain wouldn't notice.

"Great," Iain said, giving her a small nod. "Fancy a pint in the pub after work today? I still owe you that drink, don't I? Unless... unless you have a date."

"I don't think Archie and I actually have any plans for tonight," Lily said.

She thought that a drink might be a good distraction, a better one anyway. On second thoughts, Archie might have planned something for the two of them as a surprise for her. She sighed wordlessly, wondering what he'd think if she found out that she'd made plans with Iain instead.

"Actually, I forgot..." She said, lifting her head to lock eyes with Iain. "Sorry. I...I think I might be seeing Archie."

"Oh." A hint of disappointment flashed across Iain's face. "Well, that's okay. Here's an idea, how about the two of us meet for lunch instead then? I just think that I should owe you something, after helping me out with my injury. You noticed that there was something wrong and I should thank you for that."

Lily forced a smile and nodded in agreement. How could she say no to that? He'd think that there was something wrong.

"That sounds good," she answered with a smile.

"So, does twelve o'clock sound okay?" Iain asked. "We could go to the café across the street. They have good food and it isn't far."

Lily nodded again, the thought of Archie finding out causing her to feel sick.

"Well, I better let you get on," Iain said, gently squeezing her arm. Lily winced at the pain but Iain didn't even notice. "I'll meet you by the café at twelve," he said, and was soon on his way back to the ambulance station.

Lily was nervous for lunch but there was also a small spark of excitement there as well. When the clock struck twelve, she announced to Connie that she was going on her break, grabbed her bag and headed out the ED. Iain was already standing outside the café.

"You're two minutes late," he teased.

"Let's just go inside," she said, smiling for the first time in ages.

"So what do you fancy?" Iain asked. "I might have a burger. The burgers here are amazing."

The two of them sat down at a table by the window and ordered a lemonade each. One of the waitresses handed them a couple of menus before making her way back to the counter. Lily took a nervous breath as she slid her coat off of her arms. She felt warm in the black jacket that she was wearing, but her arm was still sore and bloody. She didn't want Iain to see the damage that she'd done to herself.

Every single item on the menu made her stomach churn. Maybe she was just hungry. Maybe it was the heat. She plumped for the same burger as Iain and the two sat in silence for a while, sipping at their drinks whilst waiting for their food.

"So how's it going with Archie anyway?" Iain asked her. "You and him seem to be hitting it off."

"Yeah." Lily managed a deep breath and had an anxious sip of her lemonade. "Um... good, thanks for asking. Archie's great, he... he's really great."

"I knew you'd meet someone one of these days," he said. "You're a beautiful woman."

Lily shifted uncomfortably in her seat and the waitress soon came back with their burgers. Lily panicked at how fast that had been, she'd been hoping to prepare herself first. There was hardly anyone in the café though so it wasn't like they were busy or anything. Iain tucked into his straight away but Lily just sat staring at the disgusting meat and bread on her plate.

"Are you not going to eat anything?" Iain asked.

"Sorry," she apologised and anxiously picked up the burger with shaking hands.

She had a nervous bite and set the food back down on her plate. What if Archie had been right before? What if she really did need to lose weight? A burger wasn't going to do that, was it? Maybe if she'd done as she was told and eaten that apple, it would have been fine, but she hadn't. She blinked back her tears and swallowed before having another small bite.

"Are you okay?" Iain asked. "You seem quiet."

"I'm fine," she lied. "It's just been a busy day, that's all. I'm tired."

"Tell me about it," he chuckled with a mouthful of burger.

"I'm just going to head to the bathroom quickly," she said, wiping around her mouth with a napkin. "I'll be right back."

Iain nodded and Lily stood up to go to the bathroom. She hid herself into the furthest cubicle and locked the door, praying that no one would come in.

She felt sick; she'd gone and disappointed Archie already, and she wasn't even halfway through the day yet. She should've said no to that burger, Lily thought miserably.

She lifted the seat to the toilet and bent over, trying to get rid of everything that she'd just taken in. It was the only way she could lose the weight he wanted.

"Come on," she whined, prodding her fingers to the back of her throat to try and help her.

Soon, she felt a rush of sickness and she gagged violently into the toilet. Emptying the entire contents of her stomach had never felt so good before. When she was sure that she had nothing left, she flushed the toilet and collapsed back against the cubicle door. She felt weak and she was sweating more than she was before, but she knew that Iain's suspicions would slowly be growing. Holding a hand to her stomach, she left and cleaned her mouth with a tissue. Examining herself in the mirror, she left the bathroom and went to take her seat back at the table.

"Everything okay?" Iain asked her.

"Fine," she said, quickly downing the rest of her lemonade. "Sorry. There was a queue."

"Ah, alright." Iain nodded. "Dessert?"

 **I hope you enjoyed the chapter :-) x**


	6. Chapter 6

**Dancingwithmyshadow6: It is really sad. Thanks for your review x**

 **Guest: Me too. I hated him in the show to be honest, haha.**

 **NettieTheCarrot: Me too. Let's hope so. Enjoy the chapter :-)**

Chapter Six

Lily had enjoyed lunch with Iain, earlier on that day, despite the fact that she'd thrown up halfway through the meal. It had just been nice to hang out with Iain, she hadn't actually realised how much fun he was, even if he did tell really bad jokes that she often had to pretend to laugh at.

She loved Archie, she really did, but sometimes she felt as if she needed a small break from him sometimes.

"I thought that the two of us would try and lose weight together," he suggested that evening, placing a bowl of salad down in front of her. "I'm having the same," he said, holding up his own bowl. "You read about these couples, don't you?" he said, taking the seat opposite her at the table. "Walking together, joining the gym together, cooking healthier meals together. So, I thought that I'd give it a try."

"It looks delicious," Lily said, her stomach churning as she looked down at the green stuff in the bowl. "You didn't have to go to so much trouble, though."

"Anything for my beautiful girlfriend." He smiled across the table at her. "Now eat up. You'll feel great afterwards."

Lily gulped and shovelled in a mouthful of salad. Archie was being so nice to her all of a sudden. She smiled back though and continued to eat the salad, the sickness rising inside of her. She and Archie ate in silence, Lily feeling awkward for the entire time. She managed to finish the bowl of salad but she didn't feel great at all, even though Archie had said she would. Instead, she felt the opposite; disgusting and awful.

"Thanks," Lily whispered when she was finished. "Um... would you like me to wash up?"

"Nonsense," Archie said. "After yesterday, do you really think I'm going to trust you with the taps?" he chuckled. "Tell you what, though, you can dry."

"Sure," Lily agreed. "I'm just going to pop to the bathroom first."

"Don't be long," he sighed, rolling his eyes at her.

Lily forced a small smile and headed across to the bathroom. She could hear Archie whistling to himself, as he began to run the tap. She hesitated outside the bathroom door for a few seconds before walking inside and locking it shut behind her.

Tears stung her eyes and she leant back against the door, one hand up to her mouth as she chewed on her nails anxiously. She put another hand across her stomach. She was fully aware that making herself throw up was a bad move, but she just couldn't help herself.

Salad was still food, right? Even if it was healthy? She'd still eaten something and with every bite that she'd taken, she'd gained a weight because of it. She was so indescribably angry at herself for eating it.

She made her way over to the toilet and gulped before sticking two of her fingers down her throat. The sound of the kitchen tap could still be heard so she hoped that Archie wouldn't be able to hear anything. How would she explain this to him? He'd think she was crazy.

She gasped and coughed as she suddenly started to throw up. She felt accomplishment which almost overpowered the awful amount of sickness she felt.

When she'd finished, she flushed the toilet and quickly gave her teeth a brush at the sink to hide away the smell and the taste of vomit.

She left the bathroom in silence, forcing a smile so that Archie wouldn't get suspicious. He'd just finished washing up, drying his hands on a checkered tea-towel.

"There you are," he said. "All yours now."

"Um...Did you want to watch a movie tonight?" Lily asked, walking over to the sink.

"I don't think so," he chuckled, shaking his head at her. "Aren't we a little too old for that?"

"What do you mean?" Lily frowned.

"Movies are just a bit, well, it's usually what teenagers do on a first date," he said. "I was thinking of catching an early night myself."

"Oh... okay," Lily said, grabbing one of the plates to dry up. Immediately, it slipped from her fingers and smashed to the floor. Lily stepped back and stared down at it in alarm.

Archie's face glowed with anger and Lily's insides squeezed with fear.

"I...I'm so sorry," she said in a shaky whisper.

"You useless cow!" he shouted, causing her to flinch. "I bought those! Do you realise how expensive they were?"

"I said that I was sorry!" Lily said back, terrified by his sudden change of tone. "It was just an accident, Archie."

"I can't bloody trust you with anything," Archie said.

"I'll clean it up," Lily offered desperately, crouching down to pick up the broken china.

She could feel Archie staring down at her as she tried to clean up the best. As she picked up a particularly big piece, she could feel that the edge was caked in butter. She frowned and glanced up at Archie with teary eyes.

"There's butter on this," she stated.

"What the hell are you talking about now?" He snapped. "God, trust me to get stuck with a crazy woman!"

"I...I'm sorry," she said. "I thought you might have known something about it, that's all."

"Well, I don't," he scoffed and shook his head, kicking a few of the broken pieces towards her before storming into the living room.

Lily sniffed and clutched the piece of broken plate in her hand, curling her fingers around it and gripping it out of pure anger and hurt. She suddenly gasped and dropped the china, noticing that her palm was now bleeding.

"Have you cleaned that mess up yet?" She heard Archie call aggressively from the other room.

"Um..." Lily looked down at the rest of the pieces and nodded to herself, before shouting, "I'm almost done!"

Her phone vibrated in the pocket of her trousers and she sighed and pulled it out to see who was texting her. It was Iain, out of all people. Hardly anyone texted her. Usually, it was just Archie, and his messages were never particularly nice.

 _Hey, Chuckles. Hope you're having a lovely evening. Really enjoyed lunch today, we should do it more often! x_

Lily smiled and wiped a few tears away, smearing a tiny bit of her blood across her cheek. Why didn't her own boyfriend send her messages like that? She sighed and looked towards the living room door, before standing up and walking towards it.

"Archie," she said, entering the living room with her mobile in hand. She still felt quite nervous from earlier, but managed to hide it. "Can I ask you a question?"

"Have you cleaned that mess up yet?" he spat.

"I will do," Lily said. "But could I please ask you a question first?"

"What?" he sighed impatiently.

Lily swallowed anxiously. "Do you love me?" she asked.

"Of course I love you!" He snapped his head towards her with a hint of anger in his eyes. "I'm bloody dating you, aren't I?"

"I...I know," Lily stuttered in a small voice. "I just wanted to know, that's all. Thank you."

Archie shook his head and muttered something under his breath, as Lily walked back into the kitchen. Well, her question had been answered. Love was different for all couples, after all. Archie had gone and cooked her a nice dinner that evening, and washed up. Maybe the butter was just an odd mistake, and maybe Archie wasn't the sort of man to text his girlfriend every day with nice, loving messages. Anyway, he had called her beautiful earlier on, and it was her fault that he'd become angry. Maybe she was just being ungrateful.

"Lily!" he shouted to her.

"I...I'm just cleaning it up," she replied, bending back down to pick up the broken pieces. "Sorry."

"You're not going to tell anybody about tonight, are you?" He asked, hands in his pockets as he walked into the kitchen. "Just curious."

"Um...No." Lily shook her head, confused. "I...I wasn't planning on it. It's really no one's business as to what we get up to out of work hours."

"Okay." He nodded at her. "Good. Because..." he walked over and placed a hand on her upper back. Lily flinched at his cold touch and slowly began to pick up the pieces, her palm planted on the floor so that he wouldn't notice the blood. "If you do, there'll be trouble. You're right. It really is no one's business."

 **So I hope you liked the update. I've been extremely busy all day so couldn't update as much as I wanted to unfortunately. I really wanted to update this story though. I'll try and add another chapter soon, thanks for reading :-) x**


	7. Chapter 7

**Guest: Thank you :-)**

 **Ltfl: Me too, he's absolutely awful to Lily. I'm sure Iain will be.**

 **Dancingwithmyshadow6: Thank you so much :-)**

Chapter Seven

"Time of death, 1:43pm."

The words tasted horrid in her mouth. Lily stepped back from the bed belonging to the patient who had been gone far too soon. Now, the poor patient was dead.

Lily wasn't even sure why Connie had left her in charge. Apparently, Connie had tonnes of paperwork to catch up on, and didn't want to be disturbed unless it was an emergency. Elle had meetings all day, too, so it wasn't like she could be in charge. It was all down to Lily, Connie had said.

Connie had trusted her, hadn't she? She'd told Lily that she was more than capable but she'd already failed. It was probably a bad move on Connie's part to leave Lily in charge considering everything which had gone down, Lily thought miserably.

The place was packed, people weren't listening to her, patients were sleeping on beds in the corridor, and she'd gone and let a patient die. All under her watch.

"We did all that we could," Cal said as they both tore off their gloves. He was clearly trying to make Lily feel better, but unfortunately, it didn't seem to be working. "Don't blame yourself."

The words Cal had spoken had gone in one ear and out the other. Lily didn't believe him.

Lily had been hoping for such a good day. She'd promised herself that she wouldn't cut at all, knowing that it wasn't the best way to deal with things. Her injuries hurt and although it made her feel good at the time, it certainly did not make herself feel good afterwards. She knew it was wrong, too, to hurt herself.

She felt guilty. Upset. Scared.

"Hey," Cal spoke again when Lily didn't and reached across to give her shoulder a comforting rub. "Can I do anything to help?"

Lily sighed, hands in her pockets, and glanced across at the deceased woman for one more time.

"Just inform her husband for me, please," she said in a small voice and made a quick excuse to leave. "I'm needed in cubicles. Doctor Munroe, would you assist me please?"

Alicia looked up and nodded at her mentor, quickly hurrying over to follow her out of resus. Lily stayed silent and pulled her mobile phone out of her pocket, staring down at it to see seventeen missed calls from Archie, and four text messages.

"Who's trying to get hold of you whilst you're at work?" Alicia teased her.

"Archie," Lily sighed, her eyes fixated on her phone screen.

She didn't have the time to talk to him, not when she was in charge and had so much to do. She tried to put his messages and missed calls to the back of her mind and just switched her phone to silent before putting it back in his pocket.

"Aren't you going to reply to him?" Alicia asked.

"Too much to do," Lily said, heading towards the entrance where Iain and Jez arrived with a patient. "I'll speak to him later. Iain, what have we got?"

"This is Tina Johnson," Iain said, gesturing to the fourteen-year-old girl on the bed. "She got into a fight at school, was unconscious for at least half an hour, she's had a ten of morphine and her stats are pretty low as well. She may have broken her arm."

"Get her into cubicles, let me have a look," Lily ordered. "Tina. My name is Doctor Chao, this is Doctor Munroe and we will be looking after you. Now, does your arm still hurt?"

"Yes," Tina hissed in pain. "Yes. I...I want my mum."

"The school have contacted her," Iain informed the young girl. "She's on her way."

"Okay, thank you Iain," Lily said to the paramedic, and began to examine Tina. "Okay Tina, that arm does seem to be broken so we're going to do an x-ray on that for you. I will also get something else for the pain."

Tina just nodded her head, tears streaming down her face.

"Hey, don't cry," Alicia nudged her arm, as Robyn entered the cubicle to help out. "I broke my arm at least six or seven times when I was a child."

"Why?" Lily frowned, shaking her head at the junior doctor.

"Well." Alicia shrugged her shoulders. "I was obviously just a clumsy child. I used to climb a lot of trees, just ended up falling the majority of the time."

"You?" Robyn laughed. "You're so girly! I can't imagine you as a tree climber."

"Right," Lily sighed, raising her eyebrows. "Robyn, could you get an x-ray organised for Tina please and also check at where her mum is at as well?"

Immediately after her words, the door swung open and a tall, brown haired woman entered the cubicle.

"Mum!" Tina yelled in tears, holding her good arm out for a hug.

"Tina! Please be careful." Lily said quickly, only to be ignored. She stepped aside so that Tina's mum could get to her daughter. "Mrs Johnson, your daughter is..." Lily went to say but was cut off before she could even continue to discuss Tina's progress.

"Why did I get a phone call from my daughter's school?" she screamed furiously, grasping her daughter tightly and protectively. "Explaining that my daughter had been carried away in an ambulance during English class? As a doctor, shouldn't you be informing me?"

"Robyn," Lily said calmly. "X-ray," she reminded her. "Also, could you try and find out if we have any more beds? Mr Reeves was admitted over two hours ago and he is still in the corridor."

"On it," Robyn said, leaving the cubicle in a hurry.

"So you have patients sleeping in corridors, do you?" Mrs Johnson carried on saying, letting go of Tina so she could shoot a horrible look at Lily. "That is not happening to my Tina! What kind of place are you running here? You know, I have been a healthcare assistant for twenty years and this is absolutely appalling! Patients sleeping on beds, doctors not even bothering to ring relatives by themselves."

"Mrs Johnson!" Lily shouted in a raised voice. "I'll have you know that everything is under control, and-"

"Do not talk to me like that!" She shouted back. "Tina, come on sweetheart, we're going home."

"Doctor Chao is only trying to help your daughter," Alicia said in a calm tone. "And in her defence, the school had rang you even before Tina was in our care. That isn't our fault, I'm afraid."

"I want to speak to someone higher up," Mrs Johnson said. "You're clearly incompetent and you're not even english."

"Excuse me?" Alicia spoke up, seeing as Lily had somehow frozen to the spot. "That's completely out of order."

"I am actually in charge today, Mrs Johnson," Lily said, her voice getting quieter and quieter.

"Not if I have anything to do with it," she hissed in her face. "I would like to speak to someone higher up. Where is the manager?"

"Doctor Munroe," Lily swallowed hard before taking a deep breath to stop herself from breaking down. "I shall go and get Mrs Beauchamp. Just stay with the patient."

Alicia nodded, hoping that Lily would be okay. Lily left with tears stinging her eyes, her hands shaking at her sides. She saw Cal and Ethan standing by the reception desk and they obviously saw her tears, as both of them strolled over to ask if she was okay.

"I'm fine," Lily managed to say in a trembly voice, holding a hand to her head. "I just need to go and get Mrs Beauchamp. There's this patient in cubicles, wanting to speak to someone higher up."

"But you're in charge today," Ethan pointed out.

"Fine, okay." Cal nodded, hands on hips. "She can speak to me. Why don't you go and have a break? You haven't had one all day and you look exhausted."

"I'm fine," Lily tried to tell him. "I just...I...I just can't breathe. A quick drink and I'll be fine, really."

"Lily," Ethan said, deciding to step in and help his friend. "Maybe you should take a break. Let Cal handle it, yeah? He's offered and, well, he doesn't do that very often."

Lily looked from Ethan to Cal, and reluctantly nodded. Cal gave her shoulder a gentle rub and Lily headed off to the staffroom. She slammed the door behind her and held her hands to her face, her chest tightening with every sob that escaped her mouth.

She slowly walked over to the counter and gripped the sides before pulling out one of the drawers. She hoped that they head teabags so she could make herself a cup of tea but that thought soon slipped her mind when she caught sight of the shiny knife sitting in there.

She picked the piece of cutlery up with a shaking hand and looked towards the door. She was alone. But no, she'd promised herself that she wouldn't do it again. However, it had made her feel better before. The pain had been a distraction from the constant pain that she'd been feeling every day.

She held the knife to her wrist and took a deep breath before slicing straight across her skin. She gasped in pain and dropped the knife as blood escaped her wound. She began to cry harder and slowly crouched down to pick the knife up, slamming it back down on the counter in frustration.

She allowed her tears to fall and made her way over to the sofa so that she could sit down. She clutched her bleeding wrist in agony, her mind focused on the pain that she was feeling from the cut.

"I'm such a screw up!" She screamed to herself and kicked the coffee table in front of her.

She suddenly heard the sound of Connie's voice, getting closer and closer to the staffroom, and she quickly rolled her sleeve down and wiped away her tears. The door opened and Connie popped her head round.

"Doctor Chao," she said. "Is everything okay?"

Lily nodded quickly. "Fine, Mrs Beauchamp. I...I'm just having a break."

"Doctor Hardy and Doctor Knight told me that you couldn't breathe," Connie said. "And that a patient was shouting."

"I...I was handling it," Lily said, tucking a strand of hair behind one ear. "They didn't need to worry about me."

"Have you been crying?" Connie questioned her.

"No," Lily lied, shaking her head at the clinical lead. "I'm okay."

Connie sighed, running a hand through her hair and exiting the room, leaving Lily all alone with her thoughts.

 **So I hope you enjoyed the chapter. There will be loads more to come. I haven't got much planned for the weekend so I'm hoping that I get to update a bit more, unless I get distracted, which will most likely happen :-) x**


	8. Chapter 8

**Ltfl: Let's hope Iain helps her.**

Chapter Eight

Lily laid awake that following night, the memories of her bad day glued inside the back of her mind. The thought of the shift she'd just endured would more than likely hang around for a while, reminding her how much she'd messed up.

She knew that Connie would never leave her in charge again, she had one chance and she'd completely gone and screwed it up. Why was she even a registrar anyway? She clearly wasn't any good at her job.

She groaned and rolled onto her back, throwing her hands onto her face. This was her fourth night of no sleep whatsoever; not that she'd been counting or anything. She sat upright in bed and tried to ignore the sound of her growling stomach. That was an obvious way of reminding her how hungry she was.

She glanced across at Archie who was sleeping next to her and her chest tightened. She so wished that he'd stop inviting himself over, sometimes it felt nice to have a night to herself.

She still felt stressed out and anxious over the day that she'd had.

Lily sighed heavily and climbed out of bed, slipping on a pair of slippers before checking the time on her phone. Her alarm wasn't even close to going off. Night time just dragged when going to sleep didn't seem possible.

She made her way into the kitchen and opened one of the bottom cupboards to see that she had a multi-bag of Walkers Ready Salted in there. She hadn't even opened them. There was also a couple of Dairy Milk bars. In the fridge was a tub of ice-cream, also unopened.

She filled the table full of the snacks and gulped anxiously before sitting down and opening the ice-cream. She was so hungry. Without a second thought, she grabbed a spoon and tucked into the vanilla goodness, unable to stop until there was just a tiny amount left at the bottom. She already felt so full but instead of stopping, she tore open a bag of crisps and one of the chocolate bars. Stuffing them into her mouth and chewing them quickly, her stomach was telling her that she needed to stop. Lily ignored it and kept eating.

What on earth had she become?

When everything had been eaten, she clambered off of the chair and dragged herself across to the bathroom. She knew what she had to do, otherwise, she was sure to gain so much weight by the mammoth feast she'd just had.

Weakly collapsing on the carpet in front of the toilet, she stuck her fingers into the back of her throat and gagged straight into the toilet. Everything that she'd just eaten came straight back up again.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" A voice boomed from behind her.

Lily coughed and spluttered, turning round to see Archie standing in the doorway. He grabbed her arm and pulled her up, his fingers digging into her skin. She quickly wiped at her hand, her sweaty hair sticking to her face and getting even wetter with her tears.

"You disgust me!" he spat in her face. "You disgusting, horrible, fat, ugly cow!"

"I...I'm sorry," she cried, jumping at his words.

She was cut off by Archie slapping her hard across the face. She squealed and flinched as he raised a hand to hit her again.

"I don't ever want to see you doing something like that again!" he shouted. "Do you realise how disgusting that is? God, what the hell am I dating?"

Lily couldn't speak. She just leant back against the wall, sobbing and hiccuping, scared about what he was going to do next. He'd never laid a hand on her before, never, and her cheek really stung. She was positive that it was going to leave a mark.

"If you ever do something so disgusting again," Archie threatened, twisting her arm and causing her to hiss in pain. "I will be breaking up with you, and you don't want that do you? Do you really want to be single again, left feeling lonely and unwanted? Because believe me, Lily, that will happen!"

"It...It won't happen again," Lily sobbed. "I just...I wanted to lose weight, to make you happy."

"And you still need to do that," Archie said, pushing her away from him. "But you don't need to do it in such a disgusting, awful way! God, I can't even look at you right now. I'm going back to bed. And clean that mess up in the kitchen as well!"

He shook his head and stormed out of the bathroom, slamming the door behind him. Lily slid down the wall in tears and ran a hand through her hair, feeling uglier than ever.

* * *

"Doctor Chao!"

Connie sauntered up to Lily at work the next morning, hoping that she was feeling better after the stress of yesterday. She knew that Lily was more than capable to take on the job, which was why she'd asked her, but the look of seeing Lily in tears yesterday had concerned her a little bit.

Lily was one to feel stress easily but she'd never once cried during a shift at work, apart from when she'd found out about her father's death.

After a discussion with Elle and Charlie about the matter, Connie decided to check on the registrar.

"Is everything okay?" She questioned with a small sigh, stalking up behind Lily.

"Fine," Lily answered as she jotted down a few notes. "Thank you for asking, Mrs Beauchamp."

"Iain and Jez need a doctor to go out on location with them," Connie said. "It may be nice to get out for a change."

"What?" Lily frowned. "Are you saying that you don't actually trust me to be around the ED anymore?"

"No," Connie sighed. What on earth had got into Lily lately? "That isn't what I'm saying at all. You're a good doctor and it might be good to get some more training in."

"I guess," Lily agreed reluctantly, turning to meet eyes with Connie.

"What happened to your face?" Connie suddenly questioned, her own eyebrows furrowing in both concern and confusion.

Lily had been right when she thought that Archie's slap would leave a mark. She'd woken up that morning, her cheek all red and bruised. It still hurt slightly but she had put an ice pack on it before she left for work that morning.

"Oh..." Lily slowly closed her notes and bit down hard on her lip. "I...I was rooting through the cupboards in the staffroom earlier on, I forgot that the door was open and ended up walking into it."

Connie sighed and shook her head, eyebrows raised. What was she supposed to say to that?

"Could you go and record that in the accident book for me?" The clinical lead asked.

"It's fine, Mrs Beauchamp," Lily argued. "I really don't need to..."

"Do as I say," Connie interrupted. "You've had an accident at work. No matter how little it is, it needs recording."

"Just leave me alone," Lily snapped, resting her elbows on the desk so that she could hold her hands to her head and focus on the notes in front of her.

"Excuse me?" Connie folded her arms across her chest. "Doctor Chao, what on earth did you just say to me?"

"Sorry," Lily said quickly, realising the way she'd just spoken to her boss. "I...I'm sorry, I didn't mean to. I just, don't want to be around anyone right now. I...I just want to be on my own."

"Well, it'll be pretty hard to 'be on your own' if you're in a department filled with patients which you still need to treat, won't it?" Connie snapped. She was both concerned and slightly angered that Lily would speak to her in such a way.

"Y-yes-"

"Do as I say, put your accident in the book and then get back to work," Connie said, her hair flowing out as she turned around to saunter off and said loudly: "Now!"

 **So I hope you enjoyed the chapter :-) x**


	9. Chapter 9

**Ltfl: Connie will help her :-)**

Chapter Nine

"This isn't a punishment, Lily," Connie sighed.

She and Charlie guided Lily out into the ambulance bay. Lily had her hair tied back and she was dressed in one of the bright green, doctor uniforms, her eyes fixated on Connie's face. "It's simply a training experience and nothing else. You'll have fun, trust me. And it'll be a nice break away from the ED."

She smiled at Iain who was standing in the back of the ambulance and leant against the side of the ambulance with her arms crossed. Lily sighed and chewed on the inside of her mouth, awkwardly shrugging her shoulders, as Iain jumped down from the ambulance.

"Come on, Chuckles," Iain said, hands in his pockets. "This will be a good laugh."

"I don't think so, funnily enough," Lily retorted with a small sigh. "But come on, let's go and get this over with."

Iain raised his eyebrows and shrugged at Connie as they headed round to the front of the ambulance. Jez was already behind the wheel and he had to laugh at the moody look on Lily's face.

"I'm not angry with you," Lily told Iain.

"I should hope not," Iain said, as they started the engine and the siren. "Because we have patients to help right now. Also, you can't possibly be mad at this sparkling wit eh?"

"Very funny," Lily said sarcastically, managing a small smile.

"I do try," Iain grinned.

"So... have you ever thought about being a doctor?" She randomly asked Iain as they sped off, Jez driving as fast as he possibly could.

"Nah." Iain shook his head. "I like the excitement of going out, the adventure. Besides, I'd make a rubbish doctor."

"Why?" Lily frowned. "A doctor is basically a paramedic, they just treat the patient after admission instead."

"I like being a paramedic," Iain told her. "I wouldn't change my job for the world. Hey, what happened to your face by the way? That looks sore."

Lily felt herself panic but quickly replied in the form of a lie. "I walked into a cupboard,"

Iain just nodded at her and they sat in silence for the rest of the journey.

* * *

"Don't worry, we'll get you to the hospital in a jiffy," Iain said, as they helped the unconscious, elderly woman into the back of the ambulance. She made no movement at all, and an oxygen mask plastered to her face. "Jez. I'll drive."

Jez nodded, and Iain turned to Lily and gave her a smile. Lily just returned it weakly.

She suddenly wasn't feeling too good. She leant against the ambulance with her arms crossed, Iain's face spinning right in front of her. She tried to focus on his face, his voice, but it was too hard.

She moved away from the ambulance and collapsed to the floor.

"Lily!" Iain shouted, jumping down from the ambulance.

Jez jumped up as well but remained at the elderly woman's side for the entire time.

"Mate, is she okay?" Jez questioned him.

"I...I don't know," Iain said, crouching at Lily's side just as she began to slowly open her eyes. "Yeah...She...She's fine," he answered, holding a hand under Lily's head. "Lily?"

"I...I'm fine," Lily groaned, a hand to her head. "Sorry. I..."

"Ssshh, just it easy," Iain said, gently stroking her hair. "Come on, I'll help you up," he said, gently sitting her up. "Okay?" Lily still didn't feel great but she nodded at him anyway. "I think you better sit up front with me, don't you?" he said. "Come on, Chuckles."

Lily looked over towards the ambulance, watching with tired eyes as Jez shut the doors behind him and the patient. Iain helped her to her feet and slowly but promptly walked her back to the ambulance, making sure that she was safely in the passenger seat before getting behind the wheel.

"Do you want to tell me what happened?" He asked. "Because you know I'm going to have to mention this to Mrs Beauchamp, don't you?"

"Please don't," Lily begged, resting her elbow on the side of the door as they quickly drove away. "I'm just really tired. I've not been sleeping well and work has been busy."

"Lily, you just fainted," Iain reminded her.

"And now I'm fine," Lily said. "So please Iain, do not breathe a word about this to anyone, especially Mrs Beauchamp. She'll want to examine me and there isn't anything wrong with me."

"Are you sure?" Iain asked. "Because people don't usually faint unless there's something wrong with them."

"Iain," Lily sighed. "I'm tired."

"Okay," Iain sighed back. "I won't say anything, but maybe, you should book a couple of days off work? It might help." Lily didn't answer him. She just sat staring out of the window. "Look Lily," Iain said. "When we get back to the ED, we'll have a break and we can talk yeah?"

"Psychologist now, are we?" Lily said snappily.

Iain decided to leave it at that point. Although concerned, he clearly was not going to get anywhere with her. He wasn't sure if Lily was paranoid that he'd tell someone, worried, or just embarrassed about the fact that she'd fainted in front of him.

He kept an eye on her when they arrived back at the ED when they walked through the corridor with the unconscious patient on a gurney.

Connie and Ethan looked as if they had everything under control so Iain placed a hand on Lily's back and walked her across to the staffroom.

"How are you feeling now?" Iain asked, sitting her down and grabbing her a glass of water.

"I was feeling fine before," she argued but accepted the drink anyway. "You don't need to worry about me."

"But I do," Iain said, sitting down next to her. "You've um... been acting a bit strange lately."

"How comes?" Lily questioned him.

"You just have," Iain sighed. "I can't explain it. You've just been... quiet. Like when we went for lunch the other day, you didn't eat much and you didn't say much. Then I text you and you never replied."

"I was busy," Lily said, taking a nervous sip of her water. "I don't always have the time to reply to text messages."

"You're not good at talking about feelings, are you?" Iain chuckled. "Well, I'll go first. I honestly don't think a lot of myself, I got rubbish grades when I was at school, never went to university, didn't have many friends, rubbish home life, and I dropped out of the army. I mean, life's okay now and everything, but I guess my self esteem isn't that great."

"I'd say your self esteem is pretty good," Lily scoffed, and had another sip. "I love my life. I don't have anything else to say."

"Well, what about you and Archie?" Iain said. "Are you still...?"

"Together," Lily cut him off. "Yes. Yes, we are. Look, did you actually want something? Because I would rather be alone."

"This is what I'm talking about," Iain whispered. "I'm just worried, chuckles. That's all."

"Well, like I've already said..." Lily turned and gave him a forced smile. "You don't need to be. Could you go now? Please?"

Iain sighed and rolled his eyes, standing up whilst giving Lily a small smile. He went to pat her shoulder but decided against it and just left the staffroom.

Lily groaned and rubbed at her head, placing the drink onto the coffee table in front of her.

There. She'd made Iain upset, pushed him away and caused herself to faint in front of him. Lily bit her lip. She was such a horrible person.

She needed to be punished.

Lily only knew one way to deal with the guilt. She sniffed and made her way over to the counters, opening the drawers to try and find the knife that she had used the other day.

It was still there, looking just as big and shiny as before. She gulped and rolled up the sleeve to the doctor uniform that she was wearing, slowly cutting across the same arm that she had always cut on, finding a bit of skin that wasn't scarred or bloody already.

She let out a small hiss of pain and tears rolled down her cheeks and she began to bleed.

There, Lily thought as soon as she was done, much better.

 **I loved writing this chapter and I especially loved the scene between Lily and Iain.**

 **I hope you liked it and I hope you enjoyed the episode tonight x**


	10. Chapter 10

**Dancingwithmyshadow6: Thank you for pointing that out to me. Enjoy the update :-)**

 **Guest: Thanks so much. I like my share of Connie and Lily friendship so there will be plenty of that in this story, as well as tonnes of Lily and Iain scenes too.**

 **Ltfl: She does need to stop, enjoy the chapter.**

Chapter Ten

It was the end of their shift. Lily was standing by the reception desk, signing out, when she heard Alicia call her name.

"Lily, can I have a word?" Alicia called. She hurried over to Lily, hardly giving her a chance to reply.

"Max and Jez are going to the pub," Alicia told her. "Do you fancy coming over? We could have a girls night in, order pizza, do...other girly stuff."

"I'm not sure," Lily said, sighing deeply. "I'm rather tired."

"Oh come on," Alicia said. "We've put the past behind us, haven't we?"

"It isn't that..." Lily trailed off. "I consider you as a friend, Doctor Munroe. I'm just tired. It's been a busy day, sorry."

"You don't have to stay long," Alicia said. "Honestly."

Lily caught the look on her face and felt an immediate rush of guilt. She'd already upset so many people; Archie, Connie, Iain, and she knew that she couldn't upset Alicia as well. Why did she do that to people? Why did she always hurt them?

"Okay," Lily soon gave in. "I um...I guess I could come for a couple of hours."

"Come where?" Iain asked, overhearing the conversation and strolling over to the two women. "Are you two not coming to the pub?"

"Nope," Alicia said, wrapping an arm around Lily's shoulder. Lily felt quite uncomfortable and subtly nudged Alicia's arm away. "Lily and I are going to have a girly evening together. No boys allowed."

"Great." Iain smiled across at Lily, still concerned over her earlier behaviour. "It might do you good, Chuckles. You two have fun, yeah?"

"Oh, we will," Alicia said. "Come on, Lily."

* * *

"What pizza do you fancy anyway?" Alicia asked as she flopped down on the bed, her laptop open on her lap. Lily was just sat up against the pillows with her knees held to her chest, her arms wrapped protectively around her leg. "I usually go for ham and pineapple. You're not vegetarian, are you?"

"No," Lily whispered, shaking her head. "I um...I'm not."

Lily felt physically sick. How was she supposed to tell Alicia that the thought of eating made her feel on the verge of a panic attack? She stayed silent and allowed Alicia to pick whatever she wanted; ham and pineapple, and a pepperoni.

"So what do you want to do whilst we wait for the pizza?" Alicia said, after she'd ordered the food online. "We could go on the dance mat. It's so easy, you just step on the lights."

"I know how a dance mat works, thank you very much," Lily muttered, rolling her eyes. "Aren't dance mats for little kids anyway?"

"Nonsense," Alicia giggled. "If not, I have karaoke." she spotted the look on Lily's face though and realised that wasn't going to work either. "Okay, well how about a movie?"

"Could do." Lily shrugged her shoulders.

"Lily," Alicia sighed, moving to sit next to her. "Tell me to mind my own business and everything but..."

"Mind your own business," Lily interrupted, smirking proudly to herself.

"I just think that you should talk to someone," Alicia said. "You're...You're worrying me. You keep withdrawing yourself from everyone, what's wrong? You can tell me."

"I did tell you that I was tired," Lily said. "And you didn't listen."

"Well." Alicia gave a small shrug. "You didn't have to come tonight. If you really didn't want to, then you should have just said no." A pause. "I'm a big girl, Lily," Alicia continued. "I would have been fine, or I could have just gone to the pub with the others."

Lily's phone vibrated from her pocket and her stomach tightened as she went to check it. Of course, there was a message from Archie.

 _I won't be there when you get home. Can I even trust you to be in the flat by yourself? I bloody well hope so or there will be trouble!_

She gulped anxiously, as another text came through.

 _Do not see anybody tonight without my permission!_

Well, that did it then. Archie was bound to find out about her evening with Alicia, and when he did then she'd be in so much trouble. She knew that she had to get out of there and fast. She really didn't want to see those messages again so she scrolled to the top and deleted the entire conversation.

"I...I have to go," Lily stammered, running a hand through her hair. "I...I can't be here."

"Lily, wait," Alicia said, grabbing hold of her arm to stop her from leaving.

"Stop it!" Lily shouted at her, hissing in pain as she touched one of her fairly new cuts. "Just... get off."

"Are you okay?" Alicia asked, noticing Lily's scrunched up face. "Have you hurt yourself? Can I see?"

"No," Lily whispered in embarrassment and shook her head. "It's okay. I um...I told Mrs Beauchamp earlier and she...She examined me." The lies just kept pouring out of her mouth, one after the other, there was no stopping her. "It doesn't matter, Alicia. I just need to get home. Archie's prepared dinner."

"Can't you tell him that you have other plans?" Alicia asked and Lily shook her head at her. "You're a grown woman, Lily. Surely you're allowed a night out with your friends. Is everything okay with you two?"

"Yeah." Lily's voice suddenly went all high pitched. "Things are fine."

The doorbell went and Alicia glanced at her watch, guessing that it was the pizza delivery guy. She sighed, rubbed Lily's shoulder, and told her that she would be right back before heading downstairs. Lily took a deep breath and began to panic. She ran a hand through her hair and held a hand to her chest to try to keep her breathing steady. The smell wafted up the stairs and the dreaded sickness returned to her stomach.

"Okay," Alicia said, walking back into the room with two large pizza boxes and a big bottle of coke tucked under one arm. "Why don't you stay and have a few slices of pizza? Then you can head home if you still want to, yeah?"

"I can't, Alicia," Lily refused. "Archie's got dinner."

"Okay," Alicia sighed, tucking straight into a slice of pizza. Lily felt sick. "Another time though, maybe?"

"Can I use your bathroom before I go?" Lily asked, and Alicia nodded at her.

Immediately, the registrar clambered off of the bed and fled the room. Alicia sighed and leant back against her fluffy unicorn pillow, a slice of ham and pineapple pizza in her hand. She couldn't help but worry over Lily. There was a vibration and Alicia looked down at the bed to see that Lily had left her phone. It was a message from Archie. Alicia knew that she shouldn't but she picked it up and read the new message that had come through.

I'm going to be back late so I'll see you tomorrow. Be good!

Alicia frowned in confusion and read the message over once more. Why had Lily said that Archie had prepared dinner? He was clearly out this evening. And what was with the 'be good?' She guessed that it was a little joke that he and Lily played together, as boyfriend and girlfriend.

No matter how many times she read the message, she just couldn't get her head around it.

It made Alicia wonder what other lies Lily had told.


	11. Chapter 11

**Ltfl: Me too. Thank you, I'm really glad that you like it.**

 **Dancingwithmyshadow6: I do like writing scenes between Alicia and Lily. I'm glad that they're friends now.**

 **MrsWhovian: Do not be ashamed to admit that! Haha seriously though, I'm glad you're enjoying the story. I hope you like the update.**

Chapter Eleven

Alicia couldn't stop thinking about Lily's strange behaviour.

She wanted to talk to her about it, but she knew very well that Lily would just get defensive. The two of them had only just become friends and she certainly did not want to cause an argument. Besides, there weren't many good ways to approach the situation. Alicia was stuck.

As Lily worked in resus the next morning, dealing with a man who'd been involved in a very serious car accident, Alicia just hovered nearby and tried to recognise the signs of depression. Maybe she was overthinking things, maybe Lily had just been tired after a long day at work. Still, it hadn't just been last night. Lily had been acting differently for a while now.

"Are you alright, Alicia?" Iain questioned, snapping her out of her trance.

"I'm fine," she sighed, slowly turning round to face the paramedic.

She wasn't sure whether she should tell him or not. It was Lily's business and no one else's, then again another opinion might have been just what she needed. She knew that Lily had been out on location with Iain yesterday, and what exactly was it that Iain said at the end of their shift.

'It might do you good, Chuckles.'

Maybe Iain knew something as well.

"I'm a bit worried about Lily," she whispered so that Lily wouldn't hear her.

"Right," Iain sighed, glancing across at the registrar who looked busy in her work. "Walk with me."

Alicia took one more look at Lily before reluctantly following Iain out of resus. She was meant to be in there, observing. She hoped that Lily wouldn't go and tell Connie about her sudden disappearance.

"Come on then, spill," Iain said, folding his arms across his chest as he waited for Alicia to start talking.

"Was Lily okay yesterday?" Alicia questioned him. "It's just, last night we ordered pizza but she told me that she had to head home because Archie had prepared dinner."

"So what's the problem?" Iain shrugged his shoulders.

"Let me finish," Alicia sighed. "Well, the pizza arrived and she told me that she was going to use the bathroom before she went home. However, she'd left her phone on the bed and a message from Archie came through, basically saying that he wasn't able to come round to her flat that night."

"I don't get it," Iain said confusedly. "Why would she lie about that?"

"I...I don't know," Alicia stammered. "I was too scared to mention anything to her, so I just left it." She paused before continuing. "So...was she okay yesterday? I'm just a bit worried about her."

Iain sighed and thought back to yesterday, back to when Lily had gone and fainted on location. Could the two incidents be related? He then remembered the time that he and Lily had met for lunch, how she hardly ate anything that was on her plate. He needed to talk to her, and fast.

* * *

Lily was sitting at the computer in reception, a file open in front of her. Gem sat next to her, a cup of coffee in her hand, staying silent so that Lily could work. She'd already interrupted her once that afternoon and it hadn't gone down well. She was pleased when she saw her brother walking towards her.

"Lily!" He called, blanking his sister. Lily turned to him and he placed a ham sandwich down in front of her. "Lunch, on me."

Lily felt sick as she stared at the unopened sandwich that Iain had just handed over. "I...I already ate," she lied.

"No, you haven't," Iain said, slanting his eyebrows and looking at her suspiciously. "You haven't had a single break today. If you don't want a break, then at least eat the sandwich."

"I had a big breakfast, Iain," Lily said, slowly pushing the sandwich back towards him. "I'm not hungry. You can have it."

"Gem, could you give us a minute?" Iain whispered, glancing across at his sister. He really started to lose his patience when Gem made no sign of movement. "Now!" he yelled at her.

"Fin,e then," Gem mumbled and stood up from her chair, making sure to take her coffee with her.

"What's going on with you?" Iain asked Lily, leaning against the desk with his hands in his pockets. "You haven't eaten all day."

"I had a big breakfast, I just told you!" Lily repeated herself, gritting her teeth together aggressively. "Who are you to question what I eat anyway?"

"Please Lily," Iain sighed, shaking his head at her. "Just stop with the lies, yeah? I don't think you've been eating properly, and I would like to know why. You're going to make yourself ill."

"I am eating just fine, thank you," Lily snapped at him, annoyed and angry that he would even make that accusation against her.

"Good, then prove it," Iain said. "Eat the sandwich."

Lily gulped and her lip wobbled slightly. She felt unwanted tears sting her eyes. She quickly blinked to keep them back though, she couldn't let Iain see her cry, especially over something as stupid as a sandwich.

"Lily," Iain sighed and folded his arms across the desk, leaning in so that he could have a proper conversation with her. "We both work in a hospital, we've seen on a number of occasions people with eating disorders and..."

"What?" Lily spat, her eyes widening. "Iain! Quit trying to label me with some mental illness, just because I'm not hungry. I'll take the sandwich and I'll eat it later, will that make you happy?"

"I'm just saying that I wouldn't blame you," Iain said. "You haven't had it easy, have you? The death of your father, the thing with you and Alicia, work has been stressful, and, well, you now have your first proper boyfriend."

He paused, as Lily slowly diverted her eyes back to the computer desperately wanting him to change the subject.

"You're a beautiful woman, though, Lily," he finally continued. "You don't need to lose weight if that's what you're trying to do. However, if you are telling me the truth and you're just not feeling hungry right now, then I'm sorry for sticking my nose in."

"Apology accepted," Lily muttered, tapping away on the keyboard.

Iain wasn't sure if she was actually typing something or if she was just trying to make herself look busy so that he'd go away.

"I'm here, though," Iain said, giving her arm a comforting rub. "If you did want, need, to talk."

"I'm fine," Lily whispered, fidgeting uncomfortably in her chair. She sighed to herself and reached over to pick up the sandwich. "I'll eat it. Thanks... thanks for your concern, Iain."

Iain smiled and nodded at her, whilst saying, "just remember what I said."

He gently gave her arm a comforting squeeze and walked off to get back to his job. Lily chewed anxiously on the inside of her mouth and quickly wiped away a loose tear that had escaped her eye.

She gripped the sandwich in her hands, wondering or not whether to open it. She'd told Iain that she'd eat it, but the thought made her feel physically sick to her stomach. Archie wouldn't be happy if he found out that she'd eaten something with so much fat in it, right?

After pondering for so long on what to do, she subtly reached under the desk and chucked the sandwich into the bin below.

 **So I am off work sick today you guys! I woke up this morning and thought I'd take the opportunity to update as much as I can but ended up going back to sleep until one o'clock. The sleep was nice though, I must admit, and I should be back at work tomorrow.**

 **Enjoy the update :-) x**


	12. Chapter 12

**Ltfl: Me too :-)**

 **Tanith Panic: That's okay. Thanks for reviewing :-)**

 **Dancingwithmyshadow6: Thanks for pointing that out :-)**

Chapter Twelve

"Lily! Could I see you for a moment?"

Lily was in the spare bedroom of her flat when she heard Archie shout out to her. She'd been crouched on the floor, rummaging through the secret drawer that she kept under at the bottom of the wardrobe. The drawer held all sorts of sugary snacks, snacks that she'd bought to store away for a binge session. There were chocolate bars, packets of crisps, lollipops, everything that you could possibly think so.

She unwrapped one of the chocolate bars and stuffed the entire thing into her mouth, before shutting the drawer away in the wardrobe. There it would stay until next time.

"What is it, Archie?" She asked, walking into the living room.

"What is this in your handbag?" He asked, holding up a small piece of paper. "A receipt!"

"You...You just answered your own question," Lily replied.

"Do not smart mouth me!" He shouted aggressively. "Who the hell did you go for drinks with?"

Lily recognised the date on the receipt. She'd gone to the pub with a few of the girls from work but it was from ages ago, way before she met Archie. She had a bad habit of shoving receipts into her bag and forgetting about them, something that she really needed to stop doing.

"That was from ages ago," Lily admitted. "Archie, it's nothing so just leave it okay?"

"You are not allowed to see anyone, apart from me," he threatened. "Do you not understand that? You are dating me Lily. Sometimes I don't feel as if you do love me!"

"Don't say that," Lily argued. "I...I went on my own, okay?"

"No." He shook his head at her. "No, you didn't. Because if you did, you bought an awful lot of drinks!"

"Okay, I didn't," Lily sighed. "I went with people from work; Alicia, Robyn, Louise, Ethan."

"Ethan!" His voice grew louder and louder. "So you went with another man, did you?"

"Ethan's my best friend," Lily told him, her lip beginning to wobble slightly. "I can't just stop seeing him."

"You disgust me," he spat. "And you've gained weight as well. Look at the state of you! I thought I told you to lose the weight, not bloody gain it. It's like you're not even trying, Lily!"

"I...I am trying!" Suddenly, she was unable to stop the tears from falling. "I'm trying my best."

"Well you're obviously not trying hard enough," Archie hissed. "Look," he sighed and threw himself down on the sofa, running a hand down his face in frustration. "I'm prepared to drop the receipt, but only if you promise to at least try and listen to me. Lose the weight, stop with the lies, and I never ever want you to see these people without my permission."

Lily was silent for a while.

"You're the best thing that's ever happened to me, princess." He smiled at her, but it wasn't a smile that made Lily feel loved or comforted. "Why don't we sit down together and watch that film that you so badly wanted to watch, hey?"

Lily hung her head and nodded, too afraid to even look him in the eye. "Sure," she answered. "Just let me go to the bathroom first."

She didn't mention the fact that it was to throw up the chocolate bar that she'd just eaten.

* * *

"What the hell are you wearing?" Iain chuckled, as he approached the registrar early the next morning.

The ED was packed and the majority of the staff were on the early shift. Iain had been trying his absolute best to hide the fact that he was exhausted from a late night drinking session with Cal and Max, but the site of Lily perked him up straight away.

She'd gone back to the scrubs for starters. Her hair was tied up in a lose ponytail, old worn trainers were on her feet, and she'd returned the glasses to her face. After being told by Archie that morning that she looked too much like a slut, she thought the best option was to wear scrubs. Of course everyone was surprised to see her in them, but she didn't even care.

As long as Archie was happy.

"Where's the usual, pretty outfits that you normally wear?" He asked her.

"They may be pretty outfits," Lily sighed, forcing a smile. "Which means that pretty girls should be the ones to wear them."

"Hey, where's all this coming from?" Iain asked. "Is this about the conversation we had yesterday?"

"Iain, just..." Lily pushed his hand away from her and shook her head. "Just leave it," she finished.

"You did eat that sandwich, didn't you?" He said. "You said that you would."

"Of course I did," Lily replied. "Thank you. I just fancied a change, okay? I was sick and tired of people accusing me of acting and looking like Mrs Beauchamp all the time. I may have been promoted to a registrar, but I should have just kept the scrubs."

"Now, that's not true," Iain said. "You are your own person, Lily. Sure you changed when you became a registrar, but you were more confident and more comfortable in what you looked like."

He eyed her up and down and sighed wordlessly.

"Now..." He gave a small shrug and chuckled to himself. "Now you just look too easy to boss around. Ditch the scrubs, yeah? Because trust me, you looked super hot in that dress that you wore yesterday."

Lily laughed, biting down shyly on her lip. When was the last time that a man had actually called her hot? When was the last time that someone had flirted with her and told her that she looked nice in what she was wearing? She couldn't even recall a time like that.

"I don't want to see these scrubs tomorrow," Iain said. "I will be waiting to see a pretty girl in a pretty outfit, believe me."

"Thank you, Iain," Lily whispered.

"You are very welcome, Chuckles," Iain said. "Now I better go. How about we meet for lunch again?"

Lily remembered what Archie had said to her and knew that the best option was to decline Iain's kind offer. Besides, she'd done so well. She'd eaten the majority of what was in her secret drawer last night before throwing it all back up. Luckily for her Archie had slept at his own house so she was able to do it in secret, without anyone knowing.

If she met with Iain, it meant that she would have to eat a proper meal, in front of him, and she couldn't do that. There was a packet of crisps in her locker, calling her name, for when she had to be sick again and she hadn't planned to do that until one o'clock at the latest.

"Sorry," she apologised, quickly thinking up an excuse. "I'm super busy today. How about another time though?"

"Sure," Iain said.

Lily gave him a fake smile and walked away, quickly breathing out a sigh of relief when she was out of sight.

Iain watched her go with a look of concern. He slowly made his way over to the desk that Lily had been sitting at yesterday and reached underneath to check if the bins had been emptied.

Luckily they hadn't and he wasn't at all surprised when he saw the sandwich, unopened, sitting at the bottom of it.

 **Drama appears in the next chapter x**


	13. Chapter 13

**Lauren: Thank you so much :-)**

 **Dancingwithmyshadow6: Me too. Enjoy the update :-)**

 **Guest: Aw thank you so much, and I'm pleased to hear that you've read a few of my other stories as well. I hope you enjoy the updates.**

Chapter Thirteen

"I am telling you, Connie, that something is going on with her."

Elle sighed at Connie, who was engrossed in paperwork, and placed her hands on her hips. Connie made her way down the corridor whilst Elle chased after her, determined to get her point across.

"She hasn't been right for the past couple of weeks now, her behaviour is..." Elle struggled for the correct word. "Well, it's different."

"Something is always going on with Lily," Connie sighed, just shrugging her shoulders. "She's probably just getting herself stressed out again. It's who she is, you can't change that."

"I seem to recall Charlie telling me that she fainted during a shift once," Elle said. "Back when she was a junior doctor. I may not have been working here at the time Connie, but people do talk to me. Is this not concerning to you?"

"And what makes you think she's going down that route again?" Connie questioned her. "That was ages ago."

"Well, for one thing, she's wearing scrubs and old trainers to work," Elle pointed out. "Does that strike you as Lily Chao?"

"I am not forcing her to dress smart," Connie snapped. "As long as she turns up for work in uniform, then quite frankly I couldn't care less about what she's wearing."

"Connie..." Elle went to speak.

"Look," Connie hissed and ran a hand through her hair, turning to face her colleague. "Even if something was going on with Lily, which there isn't, she'll just snap at you and get defensive."

"I just think that as her boss, you should have a chat with her," Elle said. "Isn't it best to try and recognise the signs of stress before it gets too much?"

Connie pursed her lips together, knowing that Elle wasn't going to leave it. She slammed down the notes that she was holding and just faintly nodded, anything to please her, anything to get her off of her back.

"Where is she then?" She questioned with a heavy sigh.

"Bathroom, I think," Elle said. "But maybe we shouldn't actually interrupt her when..."

"It's too late now, Doctor Gardner," Connie said, already on her way to the bathroom. "You wanted to have a chat with Lily, didn't you? Well, come on then before I change my mind please."

Connie pushed open the door to the girls' bathroom and frowned when the sound of vomiting hit her. Elle followed, raising her eyebrows and wondering the exact same thing as Connie. Was it Lily who was being sick? Connie held a finger to her lips and gestured for Elle to follow her in. The door creaked and she quietly shut it behind them. Connie glanced across at Elle and walked across to the third cubicle where Lily knelt on the floor, crouched over the toilet.

Lily immediately turned and stared at them with a tear-stained face, mascara running down her cheeks.

"Don't look at me!" She screamed, stunned to see them both hovering there. "I'm disgusting!"

"Lily, what's going on?" Connie took it upon herself to crouch beside the registrar and give her back a rub. "If you weren't well, then I think you should have told me, don't you? As much as I hate my doctors being off work, we cannot have illness around the patients."

"Just leave me alone," Lily sobbed, trying to elbow Connie out of the way.

Connie grabbed hold of Lily's wrist and noticed the state that her knuckles were in. They looked bruised and sore. Connie didn't have to be a doctor to know what that meant. All she could do was sigh and purse her lips, angry at Lily for damaging at her body, angry at herself for not recognising the signs sooner.

"Would you like me to go and carry on with things out there?" Elle asked, as she hovered awkwardly behind Connie.

"Um... no, I need you here," Connie said, hating to even admit that to herself. "Have you got your phone on you?" Elle nodded, as Connie turned to check her response. "Good. Could you contact Charlie for me and tell her that we have a case of bulimia on our hands?"

Elle briefly closed her eyes for a second, as she pulled her mobile out of her pocket. Why hadn't she'd taken action beforehand? She could have stopped things before they worsened. She scrolled through her contacts until she found Charlie's number and pressed the phone to her ear.

"Y...You're wrong, you know?" Lily coughed.

"Hmm, about what?" Connie asked, making sure to hold Lily's hair out of her face.

"I...I'm not bulimic," Lily managed. "There isn't anything wrong with me."

Connie didn't say a single word to Lily but slowly went to roll her sleeves up for her. Her hair was soaked in sweat and she'd gone completely red in the face. Connie was only trying to cool her down but Lily completely flipped and elbowed her out of the way again, before her arms could be revealed. Lips pursed, Connie grabbed hold of both of her wrists in order to restrain her.

"Please leave me alone," Lily sobbed hysterically. "I look horrible!"

"I am not leaving you alone in this state," Connie argued, gripping Lily's wrists tightly. Lily just hung her head and coughed, as Connie gently stroked her hair to try and comfort her a bit. "Is it all up?" She whispered.

"I think so," Lily coughed, her jacket almost falling off of her shoulders as she sat weakly on the cold floor of the cubicle.

"You're shaking," Connie said, a hand on Lily's lower back.

The door soon opened and Charlie's voice could be heard, alongside Elle's. Lily grabbed the side of the cubicle door and slammed it shut, screaming angrily at the fact that Connie had actually got more people involved. Connie said nothing, just shot her a sideways glance and opened the door again.

"Hey, what's going on?" Charlie asked kindly, peering his head round.

"She's been making herself sick," Connie said, standing up from the floor.

"No I haven't!" Lily shouted, grabbing the toilet seat and throwing it down with a loud bang. "What don't you understand about leave me alone?" Lily screamed, her tears continuing to fall. "I don't want to talk to anyone!"

"Should we get someone from psych down here?" Elle whispered.

"No." Connie shook her head. "No, don't. Lily, just stand up for me, lovely."

Lily stood up but weakly fell onto the closed toilet seat, feeling too unsteady on her feet to take any more steps. She wiped her mouth with the back of her hand and rested her head against the side of the cubicle. Connie knew that was all she was going to get out of her so walked over and crouched down in front of her.

"Sweetheart, what have you been doing to yourself?" Connie asked, as gently as she possibly could. "Look at me, come on."

Lily whimpered and slowly lifted her head so that Connie could place her cold hands on her neck.

"Just as I thought," Connie sighed. "Swollen glands."

"I did try to warn you," Elle muttered under her breath.

"Okay, that's enough!" Connie shouted, flicking her head to face Elle. "Do you really think now is the right time to correct my judgement?" She shot Elle a death stare and turned her attention back to Lily. "You can't stay in here, Lily."

"I don't care," Lily whispered, holding her hands to her face. "Just leave me alone."

 **Probably one of my favourite chapters to write, and one that I've had planned for a** **while :-) x**


	14. Chapter 14

**Ltfl: Me too. This chapter is quite cute :-)**

 **MrsWhovian: Thank you so much. Enjoy this chapter. I'm really glad you like the story.**

 **Dancingwithmyshadow6: Thank you for pointing that out. I make so many mistakes, lol.**

Chapter Fourteen

Lily was refusing to move out of the bathroom, and Connie wasn't sure whether that was because she didn't want anyone to see her or because she was too weak to actually move.

She looked terrible; her glands were swollen, her knuckles were red and sore, and it was obvious that she'd been crying. Connie knew that shouting wasn't going to help her at that moment in time, and that bulimia was an awful illness that no one could actually help. Lily obviously felt the need to lose weight, for some strange and unknown reason, and it was up to Connie to try and work out why.

"Let's wash that face a bit, huh?" She said gently, as Lily just rested her head against the wall of the cubicle. "Bad day to wear mascara. You look like a panda."

Lily managed a weak smile through her tears, reluctantly allowing Connie to wipe her eyes with a tissue.

She knew that Connie had her nice moments sometimes. She'd shown that side quite a few times in the past; when the minibus had crashed, when Lily had fainted during her shift and she'd allowed her to take a couple of days off. This was different though, she'd purposely been making herself throw up and Connie hadn't even seen the marks on her arms yet. She may be appearing as nice and kind, but inside Lily knew that she was struggling to understand why one of her doctors had chosen to do such a thing.

She was bound to ask why, and that would Lily having to talk about the stuff Archie had said to her.

"I...I can't breathe," Lily stammered, her chest immediately tightening at that thought.

"Don't," Connie whispered, shaking her head at her. "Come on, you have nothing to worry about. Elle and Charlie have gone to prep a room and no one else knows, so it's just you and me yeah?"

Connie had given specific instructions to Elle and Charlie. The two of them had cordoned off the bathroom, before going to prep a room, whilst keeping silent about the whole situation.

Lily just faintly nodded, rubbing at her chest whilst trying to listen to Connie's comforting words.

"Do you want to hear a funny story?" Connie asked, as she continued to wipe Lily's eyes for her. "When Jacob and I went on our first date, we went to this lovely Italian place. He treated me and we ordered a bottle of wine between us. Now you know what Jacob is like, always cracking jokes, and he told me this really bad Italian joke. Now it was so bad that I did actually laugh at it, but my eyes started to water and I had mascara streaming down each cheek. I really did look like a panda then, more than you do right now."

Lily laughed slightly at the thought of that and said, "I can't imagine you laughing over anything."

"Oh, I have my moments," Connie said. "I think a lot of us have a secret side to us, don't you?"

She ended with a sigh and Lily could tell that she was referring to her when she said that. She'd done so well during her time in the ED; she'd finished her training, she'd been promoted, she'd been put in charge of training Alicia, and now here she was hating herself for what she'd become.

"I've let you down, haven't I?" Lily whispered.

"No, Lily," Connie said with a hint of sympathy in her voice, and she shook her head at her. "Don't think like that, okay? You haven't let me down at all. I guess I'm just...Confused. Confused as to why you're doing this to yourself."

"Isn't it obvious?" Lily gave a small shrug and said, "I need to lose weight."

"But you don't," Connie said softly, tucking a strand of hair behind Lily's ear. "And I know that hearing that may not help right now, but you don't. When I look at you, I see a beautiful young woman who has a big, big future."

"You don't understand," Lily whispered.

"I don't understand?" Connie raised an eyebrow at her. "Really? I used to be young myself once Lily, I have an eleven year old daughter who has started to care way too much about what she looks like, and I'm a doctor. As doctors, we see everything coming into this department so don't tell me that I don't understand."

"But you're not going through it," Lily whined.

"No." Connie shook her head. "I may not be, but I know how to deal with it alright?"

Lily faintly nodded and held her knees up to her chest. "I don't want to go out there," she whispered. "Everybody's going to be staring at me."

"Not if I have anything to do with it," Connie said. "We'll stay here for a little while, okay? Just until Charlie comes back. In the meantime, I'll see if I can think of any more funny stories for you."

* * *

"Doctor Gardner!" Iain shouted, as he hurried over to Elle at full speed. He'd asked everyone within the ED and none of them had seen Lily, causing him to fill up with more and more worry. "Have you seen Lily at all? I really need to talk to her about something."

"Lily?" Elle sighed and shot Iain a questioning look.

"Yeah." Iain nodded, hands in pockets. "Have you seen her? It's important."

"Iain, she...She's with Mrs Beauchamp at the moment," Elle said quietly, aware of the fact that Connie nor Lily wanted anybody to know what had recently happened. "Could I pass on a message at all?"

"Is she okay?" Iain asked. "I'm just a bit worried about her, that's all. She hasn't been herself."

"I'm sure she's fine," Elle said, forcing a smile. "But like I said, she's currently with Mrs Beauchamp and I wouldn't disturb them right now."

Iain frowned at Elle with a mixed look of confusion and worry. There was something that she wasn't telling him and that seemed pretty obvious. He'd hardly seen Lily all day and now all of a sudden she was somewhere with Connie and he wasn't allowed to see her.

"Well, when do you think they'll be finished?" Iain asked.

"Probably not today," Elle said, knowing full well that they would need to examine Lily and have a full in-depth discussion with her about everything. "Just leave things with me and I will let Lily know that you're looking for her."

"Elle!" Charlie shouted, as he arrived in the entrance to reception.

Elle nodded at him and turned back to Iain, before saying, "I'll speak to you later."

"No, what is going on here?" Iain asked. "Lily's having some secret meeting with Connie, and the two of you are sneaking around being secretive."

"Calm down, Iain," Elle said, through clenched teeth. "Just get back to work. We've left Doctor Hardy in charge of the department, whilst we deal with some stuff. I will come and speak to you later but for now, there isn't anything that I can do."

"Something's happened with Lily, hasn't it?" Iain asked in a small voice. "What...What's wrong? Is she okay?"

Elle sighed and turned to look at Charlie, who was beginning to get rather impatient with her.

"Just get back to work, Iain," she repeated herself, before walking over to join Charlie.

Iain ran his hands down his face and sighed wordlessly, as he watched Charlie and Elle talk over in the far corner. Elle's smile had faded and she was looking at Charlie with a serious expression, nodding along, as he spoke in a soft whisper.

 **I really enjoyed writing the scene between Lily and Connie to be honest :-)**

 **By the way, if any of you are reading my story "Love Is Alive," I have edited the story quite a bit. I hate to cause confusion but I wasn't overly happy with it. I have written a note at the end of the latest chapter so hopefully it'll clear things up. I do apologise if you're not keen on the changes. It's basically the same idea, just researched a lot more x**


	15. Chapter 15

**Dancingwithmyshadow6: Me too :-)**

 **Ltfl: I love writing Connie and Lily scenes :-)**

Chapter Fifteen

Lily lay on a bed in a cubicle, her head hung and her hands tucked into the sleeves of her jacket. The only people in the room was her, Elle, Connie, and Charlie, and the door was shut to allow them the privacy.

She felt sick, and her chest tightened everytime someone spoke. Why had she been stupid enough to make herself throw up at work? She hadn't been able to help herself though, it was something that she had to do. Connie may have had her kind and gentle voice on, but she was never going to forget it.

"I...I have work to do," Lily whispered, gulping nervously, feeling determined not to cry in front of Connie again.

"Lily, we can't just let this go," Elle whispered. "Honestly, I don't understand."

"Doctor Gardner," Connie warned, holding a hand up to Elle whilst shaking her head. "Lily, just remove your jacket for me, my lovely."

Lily glanced from Elle to Connie anxiously. It was as if they'd swapped sides; Connie was being all nice and patient, whilst Elle was slowly filling up with rage until she was fit to bursting.

"Lily," Connie whispered, forcing a smile for her. "Jacket. Come on."

"W...Why?" Lily stammered, holding onto her jacket as a sign to say that she really didn't want to take it off. "I've only been sick. I don't know why you need me to take this off for."

"Because I would like to examine you properly," Connie said. "Come on."

Lily shook her head and gave a tiny shrug, whilst locking eyes with Connie. "I'm cold," she said in a soft voice.

"It's about one hundred degrees in here, Lily," Charlie chuckled, exaggerating a little. "You can't possibly be cold." He sighed heavily and said, "you're a doctor, meaning that you should know the drill. If Connie needs you to remove the jacket, then please do so."

Lily chewed down on her lip, digging her nails into her arms.

"Lily," Connie cleared her throat, exchanging glances with both Charlie and Elle. "Come on," she spoke in a soft whisper, gently taking hold of Lily's hood. She waited for a little while, before eventually Lily leaned forwards and shrugged the jacket off of her arms.

She kept her head down the entire time and as the jacket fell onto the bed, Lily's arms stared them all in the face. Connie took a deep breath and slowly and gently took one of Lily's wrists, her thumb tracing her wounds. Lily suddenly couldn't breathe again and tears stung her eyes. She needed to get out of there.

"Where'd you get these?" She asked quietly.

Charlie sighed wordlessly and Elle ran a hand through her frizzy hair, unable to take in what was going on.

"I...I don't know,"Lily stammered, glancing at Connie out of the corner of her eye. It was the worse possible lie, but she couldn't think of anything to say to her. "I...I didn't do them. People who cut are usually attention seekers."

"Well, I wasn't even accusing you of anything," Connie sighed, and Lily could feel herself blushing a bright shade of red. Connie didn't want to jump to any accusations but she could tell what was going on, just by Lily's body language, and the amount of cuts that covered her arms said it for themselves. "Besides, that isn't necessarily true."

"Well, it isn't at all actually," Elle said, tilting her head to one side whilst looking suspiciously at the young doctor on the bed.

"There isn't anything wrong with me," Lily mumbled, pulling her wrist away from Connie and wrapping her arms across her stomach again.

"We didn't say that there was," Connie said gently.

"Lily," Charlie spoke up, gripping the railings of the bed before continuing. "This is serious..."

"Shut up!" Lily cut him off completely in a raised voice, her head flicking round to look at him.

"Don't, Lily," Connie said, placing a kind hand on her shoulder. "Just...How...How long ago did you do this?" Lily shrugged her shoulders, and Connie gently ran her hand over her right arm again. "Some of these look pretty new to me. Are they?"

Lily avoided the question as much as possible and whispered, "please can I get back to work?"

Connie gave Lily a small, sympathetic smile and tucked a lock of hair behind Lily's ear. "I don't think that's such a good idea," she said, sensing the tears that were beginning to form in Lily's eyes. "I need to check your weight, and I need to see if any of those wounds are infected."

"Would you like me to call anybody for you, Lily?" Elle offered. "Is Archie at home?"

"No!" Lily shouted at once, completely forgetting the fact that she wasn't alone. She couldn't have Archie there, how would he react if he found out that she was cutting and making herself sick? She knew that there wasn't anything wrong with her but he was bound to call her crazy and break up with her. "I mean, I...I don't want to worry him. Please, just don't call him."

"Well, what about Iain?" Elle sighed, trying her best to ignore Lily's sudden outburst. "He was asking me about you earlier, and he seemed quite concerned."

"I don't think we should be informing anyone in the ED about this just yet," Connie said.

"I don't want to see anyone," Lily spoke softly, and shook her head at the clinical lead. She then turned to Elle and said, "please don't call anyone, especially Iain. No one can know. Please."

"Okay." Elle nodded faintly at her, before turning to address Connie. "I'll go and make sure that everything's okay then. You and Charlie look as if you have everything under control."

"Doctor Gardner!" Connie called, as Elle made her way towards the door. "When Lily says that she doesn't want anybody to know, she means it."

"Right," Elle whispered, opening the door up. "I know, Connie," she added, subtly rolling her eyes before leaving.

Charlie said nothing, but glanced at Connie suspiciously.

"What?" Connie asked, even though she knew what he was thinking. "I need her to keep her mouth shut about this, and I had a feeling that she was going to go behind my back and mention something to someone."

"She won't, will she?" Lily questioned her.

Connie shook her head, forgetting that Lily was even there for a small moment. "No," she replied. "No. She won't, don't worry." Lily nodded and Connie continued with saying, "could you just come and stand on the scales briefly for me?"

* * *

Connie set the glass of water down on the desk beside the bed and pulled up a chair. Lily was sat on the bed, pleased that she now had her jacket back to keep her arms covered. She was thirsty, but she daredn't move to pick up the glass. It was just her and Connie now, and she guessed that Connie wanted another chat, this time about her cuts.

"So, do you want to tell me what this is about?" Connie questioned her. "Because this is so not like you."

"How do you know?" Lily mumbled.

"I've been your boss for a number of years now, Lily," she sighed. "You are very dedicated to your work and you get yourself worked up over it sometimes, but you have never ever hurt yourself. Something must have happened to make you do this."

"Nothing happened," Lily whispered, pulling her knees up to her chest. "I just...I had to do it."

"Can't explain it any better than that?" Connie asked, and as expected Lily just shook her head. "Okay. That's fine. Well, do you think we need to get you some help?" Lily shook her head. "Why not? I can make you an appointment with Ben."

"I just don't want to talk to anybody," Lily said, her lower lip quivering slightly. "I can't help it."

"I know," Connie sighed, reaching out and taking hold of Lily's hand to try and comfort her. "But we can't just let it go, the cutting and the eating disorder."

"I don't have an eating disorder," Lily whispered.

"You told me that you wanted to lose weight," Connie reminded her.

"So?" She gave a small shrug. "It doesn't mean that I have an eating disorder."

Connie smiled, not quite sure what to say. She couldn't exactly tell Lily that she didn't have an eating disorder because that would be giving wrong information, but then if she did tell her that she had one, the two of them would just keep arguing about it.

"Okay." She nodded at her instead. "Can I ask you something though?" Lily nodded, knowing that she didn't really have a choice. "Is everything okay between you and Archie? You seemed pretty upset when Elle wanted to call him, _and_ you've been making yourself sick."

Lily didn't answer her.

"Lily, you don't need to change who you are for any man," Connie said. "If he doesn't like you as you are, then..."

"Things are fine," Lily interrupted her, avoiding eye contact and praying that Connie wouldn't see through her lies.

"Are you sure?" Connie asked, wanting to give Lily every opportunity to talk to her. She nodded though, seeming quite sure of herself. "Okay. Well, why don't I arrange you one appointment with Ben, and we can go from there? Does that sound like a deal?"

"I guess," Lily whispered, fiddling with the ends of her sleeves.

"I'm going to stay with you for a bit," Connie said, running her thumb over the back of Lily's hand.

"I...I'm not going to do anything," Lily whispered. "If that's what you're worried about."

"I'm not," Connie sighed, even though that thought had been going through her head. "I just thought that you could do with some company."

 **I hope you enjoyed the chapter. There will be some Lily and Iain scenes in the next one :-) x**


	16. Chapter 16

**Dancingwithmyshadow6: Me too. Connie's usually good at suspecting :-)**

 **chelsea: Aw, that means a lot to me. Thank you so much, and I'm really glad that you're enjoying the story. I hope you like the update.**

 **MrsWhovian: Aw, you'll be pleased in this chapter. I hope it's worth the wait.**

 **Ltfl: So am I :-)**

Chapter Sixteen

"I just don't understand," Connie said, a puzzled look on her face, as she and Charlie entered the staffroom.

In her right hand, she held a key, a key that allowed her access to Lily's locker. Charlie walked alongside her reluctantly, still unsure as to whether searching the registrar's locker was a good idea. That was an invasion of privacy surely, but Connie had wanted to check for anything that she could possibly hurt herself with. If Lily had been continiously self harming, Connie didn't want to take any risks with her.

"Why Lily would feel the need to damage her body like this," she continued, as she found Lily's locker and opened it up. "She's never done anything like this before, Charlie."

"How do we know that though?" Charlie asked, leaning against the table with his arms crossed.

"What do you mean?" Connie frowned at him, and began rummaging through Lily's locker.

"Well, how old was Lily when she started here?" Charlie asked. "Twenty six? None of us knew her before then, did we? Does anyone know if she's had a history of self harm at all? It might be worth checking."

"I guess," Connie sighed, taking out a razor. "We can get rid of that for starters," she said, glaring at Charlie and handing it over to him. "I just...I don't know, Charlie. I'm trying to be okay about the whole thing, I'm trying to be nice but in all honesty, I don't get it. I mean, it's Lily."

"I know," Charlie agreed. "We'd feel like this, if it was any of our staff members. It's natural, Connie."

"What the hell's this?" Connie asked, as she felt something at the back of the locker.

"We've found the razor," Charlie said. "Maybe we should stop there."

"And be the reason for her slicing up her skin?" Connie scoffed. "I don't think so."

She pulled out a plastic bag and held it up for Charlie to look at as well. The whole thing was full of junk food, used for when Lily felt the need to purge. Seeing that caused Connie's stomach to flip. Sighing wordlessly to herself, she chucked the entire contents onto the table.

"Everyone likes to snack every once in a while," Charlie said, shrugging his shoulders. "That doesn't necessarily mean anything."

"She's been making herself throw up, Charlie," Connie said in a raised voice. "What's that tell you? She told me that she doesn't have an eating disorder. Well, I find that hard to believe now that the evidence is staring me straight in the face."

"Is there any progress with her?" Charlie asked. "I know you had a chat with her earlier. Did she say anything?"

"No progress," Connie answered. "Just constant denial."

"So what are you going to do?" He asked.

"I honestly don't know," Connie said. "I'm lost with what to do. I'm going to book her an appointment with Ben, but he can only do so much. Part of me thinks that I should call in some help from psych."

"Is she underweight at all?" Charlie asked, looking towards the pile of junk food on the table.

"No." Connie shook her head. "Well. She's lost a few pounds, but for someone of her height and age she's at a completely normal weight. It isn't as if she's starving herself though, is it? She may be skipping meals but she basically puts the weight on with the binge eating."

"But then she goes and throws it all back up again," Charlie sighed, and ran a hand through his hair.

Connie looked to the food on the table and quickly checked the time on her watch. "Could you do me a favour?" She asked. "Could you contact Ben for me and check if he has any appointments available for this afternoon?"

"And if Lily refuses to go?" Charlie asked. "You said yourself that she's just in constant denial at the moment?"

"We'll cross that bridge when we come to it," Connie said.

* * *

Lily remained in the cubicle, alone, the glass of water still full and at the side of her bed. She chewed on her lip until it bled and stared straight ahead. She still couldn't breathe properly, no matter how hard she tried.

She scratched anxiously at her arms to try and distract herself but all she could think about was Connie and Charlie coming back. There wasn't anything wrong with her. Tears stung her eyes and she immediately clambered off of the bed and hurried out of the cubicle.

"Lily!" Elle shouted, noticing the sudden exit of the young doctor. "Lily!" She tried to call after her, dropping a load of papers in the process.

Iain glanced over his shoulder at the sound of Lily's name and spotted her exiting the ED.

"Elle," he said, placing a hand on the consultant's shoulder. "I'll go."

"Iain," Elle warned. "Mrs Beauchamp gave me strict instructions to..."

"I'll talk to her," Iain cut her off, leaving before she could say another word.

He saw Lily sitting on a bench outside. The hood of her jacket was up, even though it wasn't raining, and loose strands of her hair could be seen blowing in the breeze. Her legs were pulled up to her chest and she had her arms wrapped round them, her chin resting on the top. Iain smiled sympathetically, of course having no idea why Lily had even been in a cubicle to begin with, and he slowly made his way over with his hands in his pockets.

"Hey Chuckles," he greeted. "Mind if I join you?"

"I don't care," Lily mumbled, responding with a small shrug.

Iain patted her on the shoulder and sat down and said, "I've been worried about you all day. What's happened?"

Lily didn't say anything, and anxiously began to chew on her fingernails.

"Hey, Lils, you can tell me," he said. "Well, we haven't seen you all day. Elle tells me that you're with Mrs Beauchamp, and then you go running at full speed out of a cubicle. What's up?"

"You wouldn't care," she said.

"Uh-I would actually," Iain scoffed. "Why else would I have chosen to come after you? Come on, what's happened?"

"I...I don't want to talk about it," Lily said, her bottom lip trembling. "Doctor Gardner and...Mrs Beauchamp, they just caught me throwing up in the bathroom that's all." She sniffed and began to fiddle with the zip of her jacket.

"Okay..." Iain frowned at her in confusion. "So, are you not well? What's the problem?" Lily hesitated and diverted her eyes away from him, unable to make any contact at all with the paramedic. "Lily!" Iain raised his voice slightly, puzzled but also very concerned.

"I'm not sick, okay?" Lily yelled, balling her hands into fists in anger. "I...I did it to myself! I made myself puke, and now Mrs Beauchamp won't leave me alone."

Iain sighed wordlessly and shook his head, lips pursed. He'd accused Lily of having an eating disorder and here she was; starving herself, making herself throw up, and he wished more than anything that he'd noticed sooner and taken some form of action.

"She just wants to look after you," he whispered.

"She doesn't need to," Lily whispered back. "I can look after myself."

Iain glanced across at her and observed the way that she was sitting for a few seconds. "You didn't eat that sandwich, did you?" He pointed out. Lily looked up and held a hand to her head, shrugging slightly. "Lily," he sighed. "What have you been doing to yourself? What did Mrs Beauchamp say about it anyway?"

"Not a lot," Lily said in a choked up voice. "She...She's more concerned about...The um...The fact that I'm cutting."

"What?" His eyes widened.

"I'm sorry," Lily apologised and for the first time ever that day, she actually broke down and burst into tears. "I can't help it," she cried hysterically, shaking her head.

To Iain's surprise, she pulled her knees closer to her chest and rested her head against his shoulder, burying her face into his uniform whilst continuing to sob. Iain held back his own tears and placed a hand on hers, allowing her to completely soak his jacket with her tears.

He didn't speak at all. He just sat there, allowing Lily to cry and let everything out.

 **I hope you enjoyed the Lily and Iain scene :-) x**


	17. Chapter 17

**Ltfl: Me too :-)**

 **CasualtyFanForever81: Aww, thank you :-)**

 **Dancingwithmyshadow6: Thank you. I love writing the supportive scenes.**

Chapter Seventeen

"One hour and that is all I'm asking."

Connie turned to address Lily, as the two of them stopped outside Ben's office with Iain dragging himself behind. He still couldn't believe the fact that Lily had been hurting herself, and it crushed him to see her feeling so down and low about herself. She hadn't said a word since breaking down in front of him, and Iain guessed that she might have felt a bit embarrassed about the whole situation.

"You do realise that you need this, right?" Connie said, as Lily leant against the wall with her arms crossed. "This isn't a punishment in any shape or form. I just feel like you could do with a small chat, about your..."

"Issues?" Lily finished for her.

"Um...No." Connie ran a hand through her hair. "That wasn't what I was going to say." She sighed and said, "you know we found your secret chocolate stash in your locker right?"

"You went in my locker?" Lily snapped. "That's an invasion of privacy."

"One hour," Connie said, rubbing her back comfortingly. "Come on. Charlie worked hard to get you this appointment, so make the most of it."

Lily rolled her eyes and sighed heavily to herself, before opening the door to Ben's office, and making her way inside. Connie watched her go with sad eyes and turned round to face Iain.

"So she told you everything then?" Connie asked, as the two of them began to walk back down the corridor.

"Most things," Iain said, giving a small shrug of the shoulders. "Have you asked her why she'd doing this to herself?" Connie nodded. "I bet it's Archie. I'm telling you Mrs Beauchamp, she was never like this before she started dating him."

"Don't go jumping to conclusions, Iain," Connie told him. "Besides, I asked her if things were okay between the two of them and she said that they were."

"And you believe her, do you?" Iain scoffed. "Even after the amount of secrets that she's kept from us?"

Connie didn't say anything.

"I'm telling you, something isn't right," Iain continued. "I always found Archie a bit weird anyway."

"Enough already," Connie said, clearing her throat and removing a strand of hair from her face. "Lily is a hard worker who always tries to impress people. She's in her late twenties and Archie is her first proper boyfriend, meaning that she's probably just putting a lot of pressure on herself. Of course, it isn't the best way to deal with things, but that's why we got her the appointment with Ben."

"So you don't think there's anything at all going on between Lily and Archie?" Iain asked her.

"Apart from the normal boyfriend and girlfriend relationship," Connie said. "No, I don't. I gave Lily the opportunity to tell me if something was wrong, and she didn't."

Iain nodded faintly, knowing and hoping that Connie was probably right. As the two of them were about to walk down the stairs, they heard a scream and both of them turned to see Lily hurrying out of Ben's office and running in the opposite direction.

"Well." Iain shrugged and had a look at his watch. "She lasted three and a half minutes."

"That isn't funny," Connie said, turning to glare at the paramedic. "Do me a favour and go in search of Lily for me. I need to have a chat with Ben."

"Sure thing," Iain agreed.

Connie thankfully nodded at him and headed off to Ben's office. She knocked lightly on the door and made her way inside. Ben was sat at his desk, head in his hands, looking over some notes.

"I saw Lily leave," Connie said, shutting the door behind her. "What happened?"

"She was just refusing to talk," Ben said. "And before I knew it, she was fleeing the room at full speed."

"Did she say anything?" Connie asked.

"No," Ben sighed. "She just sat there in silence."

"Okay," Connie said, nodding at him. "Well, thanks for trying."

"Maybe it's too soon for her to be talking to a professional," Ben said. "I mean, she doesn't even think that she has a problem Mrs Beauchamp. How can she get help if she doesn't accept help?"

"She needs to speak to someone, Ben," Connie said. "We can't let this go and considering the job that you do, you should know that."

"I know, I know," Ben said. "Why don't you try having a few sessions with her though? That could work."

"Really?" Connie laughed, shaking her head at him. "No. I don't think so."

"Why not?" Ben asked her.

"Oh, a number of reasons," Connie said. "I have a huge job in trying to run this department, I'm not trained in giving people therapy sessions, and I pretty much doubt that Lily is even going to listen to me."

"She might do," Ben said. "She's spoken to you about this, hasn't she?"

"Briefly," Connie said, raising her eyebrows. "I don't know."

"Think about it," Ben said. "Just until she's ready to speak to a professional."

* * *

"Couldn't talk to Ben then, huh?" Iain said, after he'd found Lily sitting by herself in one of the board rooms. "Talking about feelings can be hard. I don't overly like doing it either, but I saw a counsellor when I was struggling with my PTSD. I hated it at first but it really helped after a while. I um...I don't mind coming with you for a few sessions to begin with, to help you settle in."

"Thank you," Lily whispered.

"You need help, Lily," Iain said. "And Ben is there to give that."

"I don't want it though," Lily said, clenching her teeth together. "I just want to be left alone."

Iain glanced at his watch and said, "your shift is almost over. Why don't you ask Mrs Beauchamp if you can go home?"

Lily shook her head and whispered, "I don't want to go home."

She sniffed and folded her arms across her chest. She couldn't go home and face Archie, not after everything that had happened.

"You can stay at mine tonight," Iain said. "If you want to, that is. Gem won't mind." Lily just shrugged her shoulders. "She doesn't know what's going on, in case you were wondering. And she doesn't need to know either."

Iain sighed and bit his lip, before continuing.

"I'm guessing Archie doesn't know," he said quietly. "That's why you don't want to go home, right? You um...Don't want him to find out? Would he get angry?"

"Shut up," Lily hissed, squeezing her eyes shut. "He'd just worry."

"Okay, okay," Iain said. "Fair enough. Contact him though, yeah? And tell him that you won't be home tonight."

"What would I say?" Lily asked.

"Just say you're staying with me," Iain said, and caught sight of the look in Lily's eyes. He was certain that she was keeping something from him, that Archie wasn't the man everyone thought he was. "Or say that you've been asked to work the night shift."

Lily nodded and agreed that she would.

"Think about what you would like to do," Iain said. "Have a conversation with Connie about it and if you decide to have another session with Ben, then I will happily accompany you."

"Why?" Lily asked.

"I care about you," Iain told her, a small sigh escaping his lips. "And...It's about time that you realise that as well."

 **Off to see my aunt and uncle later so really wanted to update before I go out. I went to see the new Beauty and the Beast film yesterday guys, and OMG it was the best thing ever. I loved every second of it. Such an amazing film :D x**


	18. Chapter 18

**Ltfl: It was such a good film! Me too, they will soon find out the truth.**

Chapter Eighteen

"I'll take the sofa, yeah?" Iain said, as he threw a pillow and duvet down onto the sofa in the living room. "And you can have my bed. You're the guest, it would be rude to let you sleep in here."

Lily faintly nodded and forced a smile. She tucked a strand of hair behind one ear and folded her arms across her chest, biting down on her lip anxiously. Her phone vibrated from her pocket and she glanced at it quickly to see a brand new message from Archie.

 _I can't believe that you're working AGAIN! Am I not good enough for you or something? I'll be at the ED tomorrow so we will be having strong words!_

Lily took a deep breath and tried not to cry, as she pushed her phone back into her pocket. She didn't want Iain to know the things that he was saying to her, he was already suspicious.

"Is that Archie?" Iain asked, and she nodded at him. "What's he saying?"

"Not much," she whispered, and shrugged her shoulders. "Just saying that he hopes I have a good shift."

Iain nodded, even though he didn't look convinced. He finished off sorting out the sofa for her and walked over and gave her shoulder a comforting rub, his eyes diverting to her covered arms. He hadn't been able to take his eyes away from them since she'd told him about the cutting. He wanted to know how bad her cuts were, he wanted to know the real damage that she'd done.

"Right," he sighed heavily. "Well, I'm going to go and take a shower. Will you be okay?"

"I'll be fine," Lily said. "Go and have your shower."

"Okay," he whispered. "Just make yourself comfortable and feel free to watch whatever you want on TV."

Lily smiled thankfully at him and went to sit down on the sofa. She rubbed her hands together and examined the room, anxiously wondering what Archie meant by 'we will be having strong words.' The thought of it made her feel physically sick.

"Hey Lily."

She turned towards the entrance of the living room and saw Gem standing there, eating a bowl of cereal. She smiled and Gem came and sat next to her, placing the bowl on the coffee table in front of them. The look of the soggy cereal made Lily's stomach churn, but she said nothing.

"Why are you staying here tonight then?" Gem questioned her.

"Iain invited me," Lily said.

"Well, there must have been a reason for that." Gem frowned. "I mean, you're not even sleeping in the same room together." When Lily said nothing, Gem continued. "Did something happen at work? I hardly saw you all day, Iain's been quiet, and then you turn up here."

"I don't want to talk about it, Gem," Lily whispered, tears pricking her eyes. "So I would appreciate it if you just left it there."

"Are you okay though?" Gem asked. "We all have bad days, Lily. It'll get better."

But in her heart, Lily knew that it wouldn't. To her, it felt as if it was only going to get worse.

She lay awake that night, tossing and turning and thinking about what Archie might do to her. Tears rolled down her cheeks and she quickly wiped them away. She could hear the TV on in the living room and guessed that Iain was still awake, but she didn't want to disturb him. It was already half past eleven at night.

She sat up in bed and her stomach rumbled loudly. This was usually the sort of time where she'd search the kitchen for something to eat, before throwing it all up again afterwards, but how the hell was she supposed to do that when Iain was sleeping in the room next door?

She sat upright in bed and clenched her teeth together, frustratingly running her hands down her face. All she wanted was a decent nights sleep and she hadn't had that in ages. It had been such a crap day; everyone now knew how much of a screw up she was, Connie was trying to get counselling sessions for her sorted, Iain was worried sick about her, Archie was in another mood, and she felt physically and emotionally drained.

She removed the duvet and swung her legs round, crouching down on the floor in front of her handbag. She rummaged through it until she found one of her hairpins. Rolling up her sleeve, she jammed it into her skin, watching as it bled slightly. It wasn't sharp enough, her other wounds had bled so much more than that.

She chucked the hairpin to the floor, and held a hand to her mouth to try and quieten her sobs. She couldn't go into work tomorrow, she just couldn't.

* * *

"I'm not going!"

Gem flinched, as she heard Lily scream from the bedroom. She'd been in the kitchen having breakfast, when Iain had walked in and told her that Lily was refusing to go to work. He'd grabbed her a glass of water and nothing else before heading back to his room, and he hadn't returned since.

She knew that they were hiding something from her, everyone in the ED had suspected something. Lily had disappeared for a whole day, along with Connie, and now she didn't even want to go to work. It was completely out of character for her.

"What do you not understand?" Lily was crying hysterically now, completely out of control.

It scared Gem to hear Lily like that, and she wished that she could do something. Iain had told her to leave it though, and Lily clearly didn't want to talk.

"I can't, Iain!" She sobbed. "I don't want to go. Please!"

She heard the door slam and Iain soon came back into the kitchen, his mobile phone held out in front of him.

"What are you doing?" Gem asked her brother.

"Ringing Connie, what does it look like?" Iain spat.

"Well what's going on?" Gem asked with a mouthful of cereal. "This isn't like Lily."

"Tell me about it," Iain sighed, as he dialled Lily's number. "She's just...She's been struggling a lot lately, Gemma. Don't worry though, yeah? We're in the middle of getting her some help."

"Struggling how?" Gem asked. "Is she...Hurting herself or something?"

Iain sighed and wondered whether or not to tell Gem the truth. She was his sister at the end of the day.

"Just eat your breakfast," he said instead, his voice quiet and teary.

"She is, isn't she?" Gem said. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"Because I only found out yesterday," Iain hissed, holding the phone to his ear. "Just leave it, yeah? Lily doesn't do well at talking, so I don't even know why she's doing this to herself." Connie suddenly answered the phone at that point. "Mrs Beauchamp. It's Iain."

"Iain," Connie sighed. "I've just arrived at work so I can't talk for long. What's going on?"

"I'm kind of struggling to get Lily into work this morning," he whispered, glancing across at the closed door to the bedroom.

"What do you mean by struggling?" Connie asked. "Throw some clothes on her, drag her out of bed, get her into work. There's nothing hard about it, Iain. Look, I don't have time for this. I need her in work today because there is still a lot that we need to talk about. I have some stuff for her to do anyway."

"I know, I know," Iain said. "But it isn't easy, Mrs Beauchamp. She's screaming, she's throwing stuff, she's on the verge of a panic attack. I have tried my best and there isn't anything else that I can do."

"Try harder!" Connie yelled down the phone. "I'm sorry Iain, but I don't know what else to suggest. She can't stay home though, I really need to see her because of everything that went on yesterday."

"Okay," Iain sighed. "I'll try again. I'll text you when we're on our way, okay?"

"See you soon," Connie whispered, feeling bad for shouting. However, she couldn't have Lily refusing to go to work.

It took a while but Iain soon managed to convince Lily to get dressed and go into work. She didn't bother showering and she made him leave the room so that he couldn't see her injuries. She hadn't even dressed up either, just shoved on some sweats and converse, but she was dressed and ready for work and that was the main thing. Because of the mood that she was in though, he didn't even suggest breakfast, and he knew that he shouldn't be encouraging the starvation.

"I'll come and see you on your break, Gem," Iain said to his sister. "I just need to take Lily to see Mrs Beauchamp."

Gem faintly nodded and glanced at Lily, who remained silent with her head hung, before heading off. Iain wrapped an arm around Lily but she shoved him away, her chest tightening with every step that she took. What if Archie was already in the ED, lurking, waiting for her?

Everyone was staring at her when they walked in, of course not knowing the full details, but knowing enough. Lily hated it. She hated looking like the freak of the ED. Connie was in her office, but she seemed pleased to see Lily at Iain's side.

"So you managed then?" She asked Iain, who nodded. "Good. Come with me, Lily."

"When can I get to work?" Lily asked her.

"No, I don't want you working today," Connie said. "Have you eaten this morning?"

"So why am I here?" Lily asked, tears pricking her eyes. "I just wanted to stay in bed."

"Have you eaten this morning?" Connie repeated, in a stern voice that made Iain feel nervous, let alone Lily.

"Yes," she answered the clinical lead.

"Enough of the lies!" Iain shouted, Connie slowly turning to look at him. "You didn't eat a thing, Lily. I was there."

"I...I ate last night," Lily whispered, tears rolling down her cheeks.

"Enough of the waterworks," Connie said, walking over and opening the door to her office, a clipboard in her hands. "What's going on with you lately, huh? Iain was really concerned about you this morning. Has something happened?" Lily shook her head. "Okay. Well, I just want you to sit out here and do something for me."

Lily reluctantly followed Connie out of the office and sat down in the chair that was sitting outside against the wall.

"Ben gave me this for you to do," she said, handing the clipboard over to Lily, a few sheets of paper attached to it. "It's just a small self evaluation. I'd like you to complete it before we get you a proper diagnosis."

"Diagnosis?" Lily began to flick through the sheets of paper.

They were full of stupid questions, like 'do you ever feel depressed?' and 'how many hours of sleep would you say that you get a night?'

"But there isn't anything wrong with me," Lily said.

"Humour me," Connie said. "And I'm sorry, but I beg to differ. Self harm is serious, and isn't something that someone usually does when they've had a bad day. There's usually more to it. Take the test, and we will go from there. I'm going to be in my office today so just let me know when you've finished."

She handed Lily a pen and turned to Iain who was stood behind with his hands in his pockets.

"I know you're worried, but I really need you in work today," she said. "I'll take care of her. You have a job to do though."

"I know," Iain said. "Thanks Mrs Beauchamp. I'll see you later Lily, okay?" Lily nodded and chewed on the end of her pen, as Iain strolled off towards the ambulance bay.

"Come in when you've finished," Connie said, pushing the door open to her office, and leaving Lily sitting outside the office by herself.

Lily sighed wordlessly and ran a hand through her hair, before getting started on the first question.

 **That was probably my longest chapter yet. I hope it wasn't too long. I enjoyed writing it to be fair :-) x**

 **Archie will be in the next chapter so look forward to seeing him (or not). He isn't a very nice man, haha.**


	19. Chapter 19

**Dancingwithmyshadow6: Thank you :-)**

 **Ltfl: I'm glad you think so, and I'm sure they will.**

 **Guest: You'll enjoy the next couple of chapters then :-)**

Chapter Nineteen

"Noel!"

Noel looked up to see Archie storming towards the desk, dressed from head to toe in a suit. He didn't know the full details but what he did know was that Lily was in meetings with Connie all day, so wasn't available to see anybody. Of course he told Archie this straight away, but it was clear that he wasn't going to accept that answer.

"Well, where is she?" Archie hissed. "I just want to see my girlfriend."

"She's with Mrs Beauchamp," Noel repeated himself, for what felt like the tenth time. "I can pass on a message but that is all I can do. I'm not sure when Doctor Chao is most likely to be available."

"You have a phone, don't you?" Archie mentioned. "Can you not ring her? First, she gets asked to work last night and then she gets asked to work today as well."

"What?" Noel frowned at him. "Lily wasn't due to work a night shift last night, she wouldn't be working today otherwise."

"She wasn't?" Archie's eyes widened, rage building up inside of him at the thought of his own girlfriend lying to his face.

"No." Noel shook his head, confused. "She went home last night."

"Did she?" Archie cleared his throat and sighed, trying to hold his anger in. "Well, I um...I guess I'll just hang about and wait until she is free then. If you could pass on that message please, Niel."

"Um...It's Noel," the receptionist corrected him.

Archie didn't say anything, and walked away from the desk. Sick and injured patients surrounded the waiting area, and Connie's office could be seen with the door closed. Outside was a chair, along with Lily's bag, so he guessed that she was hiding away with Connie. He was so hurt, so angry at her lies, and he knew that he needed to show her how upset he was.

He went to sit down and noticed a mobile phone was on one of the plastic chairs. Smirking to himself, he glanced around the busy room and saw that no one was actually watching him. Picking it up, he made his way over to Lily's bag and dropped the mobile phone into the top of it.

* * *

"I'm not going to lie Lily, this is rather quite concerning," Connie said, as she read over the self evaluation that Lily had completed.

Lily just sat on the sofa, her head hung, her hands hidden in the sleeves of her jackets. Her stomach growled and she knew that she'd failed; she'd failed to throw up last night. She needed to do something but Connie was keeping her nearby and refusing to let her go until they'd finished their conversation. Her arm stung with the new cut that she had made last night, but she tried not to show it.

"You're saying that you don't get any sleep at all?" Connie raised an eyebrow at her. "You must get some."

"Not much," Lily whispered, shrugging her shoulders. "Maybe a couple of hours but no more than that. Can I get back to work now?"

"No," Connie replied sharply. "Now, and you often feel quite depressed?" She then asked, turning over the sheet of paper. "Why do you think that is?" Lily just gave another small shrug. "Okay," she sighed, beginning to chew on the end of her pen. "I just don't want you continiously hurting yourself Lily, and I think we need to put something in place to make sure that it doesn't happen."

"Just leave me alone," Lily whined, standing up from the sofa and holding her hands to her head. "I didn't want to talk about this with Ben, so why would I want to talk about it with you?"

"I just need to understand why you are doing this," Connie said. "So I can work out how to help you."

"I don't need any help," Lily whispered. "I'm doing just fine on my own."

Connie pursed her lips together and shook her head. Lily had always been awkward, and there was no denying that.

"Just talk me through it for me," Connie said, leaning against her desk with her arms crossed. "What makes you throw up like that? Why...Why do you feel the need to lose weight?"

"I just do," Lily said, giving a small shrug of the shoulders. "I...I look at myself in the mirror and I...I know that I'm not pretty. I exercise and I eat healthy, but nothing ever helps. Sometimes I feel like I don't have any control and that eating is the only control I have. When I...When I do eat though, I just feel horrible and guilty afterwards, and...I need to get rid of that guilt."

"Okay, and why the cutting?" Connie asked her.

"I can't help it," Lily said, her bottom lip wobbling slightly. "I...I just feel disgusting and ugly, and it makes me feel better."

"Well," Connie sighed, a small smile on her face. "You should be pretty proud of yourself, because you've just had a counselling session without even realising it. See? This is the sort of stuff that Ben was trying to talk to you about, but you weren't even five minutes in and you fled the room. Why?"

"I just couldn't do it," Lily told her. "I'm mental."

"No you're not," Connie sighed and wrapped an arm around her. "You're going through a rough time. That's completely different to mental, okay? Come on, we're going to get you help." Lily faintly nodded into Connie's blouse, just as the door opened and Cal and Ethan walked in. "Doctor Knight, we are in the middle of a private meeting," Connie said, just as Lily pulled away.

"Have you been crying?" Ethan asked Lily, concerned for his friend.

"I don't know why she's been crying," Cal said, holding up Lily's bag. "Care to explain?"

"What are you doing with that?" Lily spat, grabbing it from him.

"I think the better question is what the hell was my mobile doing in it?" He shouted.

"Cal, calm down," Ethan whispered. "I've already told you that Lily wouldn't do a thing like that, there must be some misunderstanding."

"Doctor Knight, what do you mean?" Connie asked him. "Lily's been with me all morning."

"Has she though?" Cal scoffed. "Because I couldn't find my phone. Ethan suggested ringing it and when he did, we found it coming from Lily's bag. I had a look and sure enough, it was in there."

"Lily," Connie breathed, shutting her eyes for a brief second. "Do you care to explain this?"

"I'm not a thief!" Lily defended. "And like you said, I've been with you all morning."

"I did leave you sitting outside by yourself for a little while," Connie mentioned. "If you didn't take it, who did and why would they put it in your bag? Maybe you just don't remember putting it in there, you haven't been getting much sleep lately have you?"

"I'm not crazy," Lily said, her chest tightening and her tears beginning to fall at their accusations. "Just leave me alone." She shook her head at them all and tossed her bag to the floor, before storming out of the office.

She quickly wiped her tears away and pushed through the crowd of patients and staff, until she reached the staffroom. She wasn't crazy, she knew that she wasn't. First the flood in her flat though, and then the mobile phone in her bag. She kicked a wall and stormed over to the counter, pulling open a drawer and reaching for the first knife that she saw. As she rolled up her sleeve, she heard the door open and turned her head to see Archie standing there.

"What do you think you're doing?" He hissed, walking over and slowly taking the knife from her grasp. "You silly, silly girl."

"Sorry," Lily whispered, her entire body filling up with fear. She'd been trying to avoid Archie all morning, and now here he was.

"Sorry?" He repeated her word as a question. "You lied to me, and all you can say is sorry?"

"I...I didn't lie to you," she said, frowning at him with a look of pure confusion.

"You told me that you were working last night," he said, tightening his grip round her wrist. "But you weren't, were you? I've just spoken to that receptionist guy and he told me that you weren't!"

"I...I was," Lily gulped, her tears escaping at such a fast pace that she didn't have time to stop them. "But he wasn't, so...He...He didn't know."

"Stop lying!" He shouted, pushing her into the cupboards at such a force that she actually yelled out in pain. "Why did I end up with such a useless, fat, idiot of a girlfriend like you?"

He raised a hand and slapped her hard around the face, causing her to fall weakly to the floor. She clutched at her sore cheek and cowered against the cabinets, praying that someone, anyone would walk in at that moment. No one did though. She was alone, with the man who she feared most.

"There's no one here to help you, Lily," he hissed. "You're on your own." He spat in her face and pushed her harder against the cupboards, before hitting her twice more around the face. She screamed and began to shake, as he kicked her and stormed out of the staffroom alone.

Lily pulled her knees up to her chest and tried to ignore the pain that shot through her. Tears rolled down her cheeks and her eyes caught sight of the knife that Archie had grabbed from her. It lay in the middle of the floor, staring her right in the face. She needed it, more than anything, but she couldn't even find the strength to stand up and go and collect it. She heard Connie's voice outside and guessed that she was probably looking for her.

Lily just buried her face in her knees, unable to take anymore.

 **A bit of a long chapter but I hope you enjoyed it. It was quite packed so I hope it was okay. There'll be a nice Iain and Lily scene in the next chapter, and Lily may tell people what's going on :-) x**


	20. Chapter 20

**chelsea: Thank you. I do like dramatic chapters :-)**

 **Guest: More to come. Enjoy the update :-)**

 **Ltfl: Thank you. Enjoy the next chapter :-)**

 **Dancingwithmyshadow6: It is. Poor Lily.**

Chapter Twenty

It took long enough but Lily eventually found the strength to get herself up from the floor. She wiped away her tears with her sleeves and slid her hood over the top of her head, in case anyone was to see her marked face. She had to get out of the staffroom, she wanted to talk to Iain. Just as she was in the middle of composing herself, the door clicked open and Connie walked in, with Charlie close behind.

"My office, now!" She said sternly. "You do not just walk out in the middle of having a conversation. I was not done."

"Leave me alone," Lily said, clenching her teeth together. "I didn't steal Cal's stupid phone."

"Okay, fine," Connie said, shrugging her shoulders. "Well, we can talk about that in my office. You were doing so well earlier Lily, I was so proud and then you go and ruin it. It's about time that you realise we are only trying to help."

"Connie," Charlie whispered from behind her. "This isn't the best way to speak to someone like Lily."

Connie's eyes diverted to the knife on the floor and she sighed heavily, stepping further into the room. She picked it up and slammed it down on the counter, before turning to the registrar.

"You didn't?" Connie asked.

Lily shook her head, eyes on the floor, her hands hidden in her sleeves. She wasn't going to mention the fact that she was going to cut, before Archie came in and hit her.

"Show me your arms," she ordered, but Lily turned away from her and folded her arms across her chest. "Lily, What have you done to yourself?"

"Nothing!" Lily shouted, feeling herself fill up with rage. She just wanted Connie and Charlie to leave, the only person she wanted to see was Iain, and they clearly weren't letting her leave any time soon. "I haven't done anything. I just want to be left alone."

Connie sighed impatiently and said, "If you didn't take Cal's phone, fine, but we still need to talk about it."

"I just want to take a walk," Lily whispered, keeping her gaze away from Connie.

Connie watched her cautiously, and her eyes moved slowly to the knife that she'd just picked up. It didn't look as if it had been used to mark Lily's skin, but how was she supposed to know? She hadn't been here and Lily had gone back to her closed up, defensive self all of a sudden.

"Connie," Charlie whispered to his colleague. "Let's leave her alone for ten minutes at least, let her get her head straight, and then we can talk."

"I'm not having her in here," Connie said, without turning to face Charlie. There were knives and many other sharp objects, but she wasn't going to mention that fact in front of Lily. She knew better.

"We can't constantly watch her," Charlie said. "She's a grown woman."

Lily had had enough of hearing them talk about her when she was in the room. She turned on her heel and stormed towards the door in a rage, pushing Charlie to one side so that she could walk out. Her chest felt continiously tight as she exited the ED altogether, scared that she would bump into Archie at some point. She'd seen enough of him already.

She arrived at the ambulance bay and peered around the side, hoping that Iain would be around. Sure enough, there he was. He was stood in the back of the ambulance with Jez, tidying some bits up, when he turned and spotted her hovering.

"Hey Chuckles," he greeted, smiling across at her. "To what do I owe the pleasure?"

Tears stung Lily's eyes. She opened her mouth to speak but no words came out. She hadn't necessarily wanted to talk to Iain, but she did just want to see his face. For some reason it brought comfort to her.

"Jez, could you give us a minute?" Iain asked the other paramedic. "Take a break or something. I just need to speak to Lily."

Jez nodded and glanced across at Lily who remained in the entrance of the ambulance bay. He gave Iain a pat on the shoulder and jumped down from the ambulance before walking out. Lily flinched and stepped back with her arms crossed, hoping that Jez wouldn't talk to her. He didn't.

"Come on," Iain sighed, sitting himself down on the edge of the ambulance. "What's happened?"

Lily said nothing but walked over to him anyway. She remained standing and he placed an arm around her shoulder, gently pulling her in for a hug.

"You're getting as bad as Gem," he joked. "There's always something going on. Why did you lie to Mrs Beauchamp, eh? You and I both know that you didn't eat anything this morning."

She remained silent, scared to lock eyes with him in case he saw her face. Then again, would telling him be such a bad thing? At the end of the day, Archie would get caught but she also didn't want to look weak and vulnerable.

"Why aren't you talking to me?" He asked. "You came here to see me, didn't you?"

"I walked off," Lily whispered to him. "When Connie was trying to talk to me."

"Why?" Iain questioned her. "That probably wasn't the smartest thing to do, was it?"

Lily didn't answer.

"Lily?"

He took hold of her hood and removed it so that he could look at her face properly. Lily tried to stop him, but it was too late. His eyes widened at the red, bruised side of her face and although it was quite a subtle mark, he obviously seemed to notice it.

"Lily, what happened to your face?" He questioned her.

"It...It's fine," Lily stammered, determined not to burst into tears again. "Just leave it."

"Lily, it looks sore," Iain said, gently running his thumb over her cheek. "It looks as if you've been hit," he muttered under his breath, before asking the question that Lily had been dreading. "Lily, did Archie do this to you?"

"J...Just leave it," Lily said, shaking uncontrollably as Iain examined her.

"He did, didn't he?" Iain said. "Lily, for goodness sake. Mrs Beauchamp and I both asked you about Archie, why didn't you tell us?" Lily shrugged, unable to get any words out. She wiped away her tears and turned her body away from Iain, so that he couldn't see her cry. "Come here," he whispered, wrapping his arms around her waist and hugging her from behind. "Hey. I'm really glad that you came to see me."

Lily faintly nodded, sniffing, as tears rolled down her cheeks.

"What's he been doing to you, Lils?" He asked. "Be honest with me. Has he hit you before?"

"Y...Yes." Lily nodded and turned round so that she was stood facing Iain. He remained perched on the edge of the ambulance, and gently took her hands in his. "He just gets angry easily. Everything I do just isn't good enough for him."

She said everything in a really quiet whisper.

"Like what?" He asked, leaning in so that he could hear her.

"I'm trying to lose weight," she mentioned. "But he still says that I'm ugly and fat. He...He caught me throwing up and it disgusted him. When I have to work, he hates it, and he doesn't even want me to see anyone without his permission."

"You're trying to lose weight for him?" Iain raised his eyebrows. "Screw him, Lily! You're beautiful and if he can't see that, then he isn't worth it." He paused before continuing. "This is going to seem like a really difficult question for you to answer, but why are you still with him?"

"I...I love him," she answered.

"Do you really though?" He asked, squeezing her hands tightly.

"He loves me though," she cried. "He's said it before. I'm the one who makes him angry, it's my fault that he gets like that. I'm crazy."

"What do you mean?" He frowned.

"I...I thought I'd turned the taps off," Lily said. "At my flat, but I hadn't. He arrived and saw that the place had flooded. Now Cal's mobile has ended up in my bag and I can't even remember putting it there."

"So he was randomly at your flat when it flooded?" He asked. "And where was your bag at the point when Cal's phone went missing?"

"I...I left it outside Mrs Beauchamp's office," Lily told him.

Iain sighed and shook his head. It was obviously Archie that had done those things. He'd turned the taps on and left them running, he'd taken Cal's phone and planted it in Lily's bag to try and frame her.

"That's him, Lily," he whispered. "Not you. Believe me, he was doing those things to make you think that you were going crazy."

"Or maybe I am going crazy," she sobbed. "You don't know that, Iain."

Iain sighed wordlessly and shook his head. He couldn't believe the stuff that he was hearing.

"I'm never going to meet anyone ever again, Iain," Lily said. "Archie was my only hope."

"You'll meet someone," Iain said, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. "Hey, the man of your dreams could be right in front of your eyes. You just haven't realised it." Lily smiled weakly at him and he said, "you can't stay with him, Lily. One of these days he could seriously injure you, and you've started to harm yourself as well."

"I...I guess," Lily replied.

"This isn't right, what he's doing to you," Iain said. "And we need to tell Mrs Beauchamp about it." Lily shook her head, scared as to what Connie would think of her. "We need to," Iain said. "Hey. I'll come with you, yeah? I won't allow you to do this on your own."

"He does love me, Iain," Lily whispered, shrugging her shoulders. "Like I said, I just make him angry."

"Hey, Chuckles," Iain breathed and let go of her hands. He wrapped his arms around her neck and pulled her in for a hug, so that she was stood between his legs with her face buried into his chest. "You could never make anybody angry."

 **I loved writing this chapter and had already written it in advance. I thought I'd post it seeing as I'd already received a couple of reviews on the other chapter. I hope you liked it, and I hope the Lily and Iain scene was worth it :-) x**


	21. Chapter 21

**Dancingwithmyshadow6: Me too :-)**

 **Ltfl: Let's hope so :-)**

 **CasualtyFanForever81: Thank you. More to come.**

 **natzcool: I'm pleased to hear that it was worth it.**

Chapter Twenty-One

Alicia couldn't help but worry about her mentor.

After working with Lily for the majority of her time at the ED, she'd learnt a few things about her. Lily struggled to deal with stress, especially in upsetting situations like the time her father passed away. The fact that Lily had disappeared from work for a couple of days, and the fact that Elle and Connie were having numerous secret meetings was pretty concerning. Not just to her but to everyone who worked with Lily.

"Mrs Beauchamp," Alicia whispered softly, as she walked over to the clinical lead. "Can I have a word?"

"Not right this minute, Doctor Munroe," Connie sighed. "Doctor Hardy is your mentor today. Speak to him if there's a problem."

"There isn't a problem," Alicia said, blocking her path so that she couldn't walk away from her. "Is Lily okay?" She asked anxiously, deciding that it was best to just come out with it. "I'm worried about her."

"She's fine," Connie answered quietly. "Get back to work, okay?"

"She's not though, is she?" Alicia carried on. "She came into work this morning and none of us have seen her all day. Something's going on."

"Look, Doctor Munroe," Connie said, clutching the notes that she was holding to her chest. "Lily is going through a rough time at the moment, okay? Now Doctor Gardner and myself will be talking to the rest of the staff about it, but we need to make sure that Lily is okay before we do anything."

"Is it to do with her dad?" Alicia asked.

She still felt guilty after the fancy dress party scenario. She'd just wanted to get back at Lily, for everything that she had done for her, but she didn't know that that day had been the anniversary of her father's death.

"No, Alicia," Connie said. "It isn't. Just get back to work for me please. I know you're worried and I understand that, but right now I need all of my doctors working harder than ever. We have a doctor down right now, remember?"

"Sure," Alicia said, forcing a smile. "Thank you."

Connie nodded and sighed wordlessly as the young doctor skipped back to cubicles. Elle had witnessed the conversation and gave Connie a comforting smile before making her way over to check if everything was okay.

"Archie's been abusing her," Connie whispered to Elle. Elle's eyes widened, unable to process what Connie had just said. "I know," the clinical lead sighed, gesturing to the notes. "I've currently got her in my office, and Iain is with her. Do me a favour and keep things settled out here please. Alicia has already been asking questions."

"Yes, of course," Elle promised. "Of course."

Connie thanked her and strolled away to her office. Lily was sat on the sofa, holding an ice pack to her sore cheek, whilst Iain sat next to her. He'd started some conversation about pizza toppings and although he was trying his hardest to make Lily laugh, she wasn't.

"Do you want me to hold that for you?" Iain offered, taking hold of the ice pack.

"No," Lily whined, shoving him away from her. She just wanted to go home.

"How's that looking?" Connie sighed, shutting the door behind her, before sitting down on the other side of Lily. "Can I see?" Lily clenched her teeth together and reluctantly removed the ice pack from her face, allowing Connie to examine her. "Okay, that still looks quite sore. Keep it on for a little while, yeah?"

Lily kept her teeth clenched, as she slapped the ice pack back onto her face.

"What happened?" Connie asked her gently. Lily didn't even answer her. "Archie needs to be reported, Lily, so it's important that you tell me what he's done to you. This isn't the first time that he's hit you, is it?" Lily shook her head, her gaze fixated on the carpet of the office. "What sort of things does he say to you?"

"Just tell her, Lily," Iain encouraged her, giving her back a comforting rub. "You told me."

"Y...You can't report it," Lily said, shaking her head in dispair. "You don't understand, do you? He only does these things because I deserve it. He loves me, I'm just not good enough for him."

"You don't deserve it," Connie said sympathetically, feeling at a complete loss. What was she supposed to do? Lily felt as if she deserved the hatred that Archie gave to her.

"I do," Lily replied in a choked up voice, a single tear rolling down the bridge of her nose and dropping onto her leg. "He says that I need to lose weight. I...I try, but it's never enough. I'm disgusting, and it...It makes him angry."

She paused before continuing.

"He doesn't hit me that much," she whispered. "Honestly. He hardly ever lays a hand on me."

"But the things that he says to you counts as abuse," Iain mentioned. "Emotional abuse."

"Iain's right," Connie said. "Come on, you're smart. I know it may seem as if he loves you, but you can't carry on living with someone like this Lily. It's hurting you, and the police need to be informed. What if he completely flips one day, huh? You could get seriously injured."

"Maybe that's the best thing for me," Lily said under her breath.

"It is not the best thing for you," Connie said. "We need to report this."

Lily sniffed and blinked back her tears. She dropped the ice pack into her lap and reached up to wipe at her watery eyes. Iain sighed wordlessly and placed an arm around her shoulder. This time, she didn't push him away.

"You need to remember something here, Lily," Iain said. "There isn't anything wrong with you. There's something wrong with him."

"I can't call the police though," Lily whispered. "He...He'll hate me."

"But they'll be able to do something," Connie said. "You can't let Archie control you like this."

"I know!" Lily shouted, eventually letting out the anger that she'd been keeping in for so long. "I know the things that he says are awful, I know that he shouldn't have hit me, and I know that the police will be able to help! I just can't though, I...I can't."

"Why not?" Connie asked.

"Why do you think?" Lily spat, as Iain rubbed at her shoulder to try and calm her. "I...I don't want to go back to being alone."

Iain hung his head and kept his arm around Lily, hating to hear her say such things. He wished that he could say something, but Connie was sat there, and Lily clearly wasn't in the right frame of mind.

"You're not going to be alone," Connie said. "You'll find someone one day, and you don't need to have a relationship to be happy. You have friends, you have a great job. You need to look at it this way Lily, isn't being alone better than being in a relationship that physically and emotionally hurts you every day?"

Lily shrugged her shoulders and said, "I guess. All I've ever wanted is marriage and kids though, it's on my five year plan."

"I think you need to try and forget about the five year plan," Connie said. "And just take things as they come."

"Why did he hit you earlier, Lily?" Iain asked.

"Iain," Connie warned and shook her head.

"No, I'm not saying that you did something to anger him," Iain said, trying to put Lily's mind at ease. "But...What brought it on?" He had a rough idea and he prayed that it wasn't true.

Lily gulped and glanced across at him, her chest tightening. "He found out that I wasn't working last night," she mentioned quietly.

"You shouldn't have to lie to him, Lily," Iain said. "A relationship is built on trust and honesty. You should be able to go whereever you want and see whoever you want."

"I'll tell you what I think we should do," Connie sighed, and gave Lily's arm a rub. "A lot of people in this department are worried about you at the moment, including your mentee. I know you'd rather this stay between us but they will need to know, darling."

Lily shook her head and whimpered, "no. What are they going to think of me?"

"Don't worry about that," Connie said. "They're not going to think any less of you, Lily. Of course they're going to feel sorry for you but..."

"I don't want that though," Lily said, clenching her teeth together once more.

"Come on, we can cross that bridge when we come to it," Connie sighed. "Just let me finish with what I was saying. Elle and myself will arrange a staff meeting and you don't necessarily need to be there, we'll contact the police and we'll report Archie. We also need to look at getting you some help and support as well though, because that's just as important."

"Like what?" Lily mumbled. "I don't want to talk to Ben."

"Is there any reason for that?" Connie asked. "Because Ben is a qualified counsellor and you spoke to _me_ perfectly fine earlier on. So you can speak to people, Lily. You may not like it but you can do it." Lily just shrugged her shoulders. "What's the issue?"

"I just..." Lily let out a heavy sigh and stammered, "I just...I...I don't feel comfortable talking to a man."

"Well you're okay around me," Iain mentioned.

"You're different," Lily pointed out.

Iain exchanged glances with Connie over the top of Lily's head, and bit down on his lip. Connie gave a sympathetic smile and nodded, knowing that Archie was probably the reason for Lily running out of Ben's office. After everything that he'd done to her, being around the opposite sex obviously made her feel uncomfortable.

"Okay, so we can have a look around at counsellors," Connie suggested. "Female counsellors, and support workers. Does that sound like a good plan?"

Lily nodded reluctantly, knowing that she secretly didn't have much of a choice.

"I'll call the police for you," Connie said, stroking at her hair. "And we can try and arrange a visit for them to come and have a chat."

 **Just a bit of a filler chapter but the next one will have a bit more to it. Thanks for all the reads and comments guys, I'm glad you're enjoying the story. I'm currently planning some more Lily and Iain stories as well :-) x**


	22. Chapter 22

**A: That's really weird, haha.** **I'm glad that you've managed to review though and I'm really pleased that you like the idea. Thank you :-)**

 **Ltfl: Me too, and let's hope so :-)**

 **Dancingwithmyshadow6: Thank you :-)**

 **MrsWhovian: Thank you so much. Well, I've been writing about Lily ever since the episode where she crashed her bike. She's been my favourite since her first episode but that was the episode that properly gave me inspiration for a Fanfiction. Then after recent episodes, I've found her and Iain extremely cute as a couple. I'm pleased you like my work, so thank you :-)**

Chapter Twenty-Two

Everybody in the ED look stunned when the police walked through the doors.

They all suspected that it had something to do with Lily, after Alicia had come back and told them what Connie had said to her. They still didn't know the full details but Elle promised that they would in time, and that for now they just needed to carry on with their work. None of them really had much motivation to treat any patients though, they just hovered and watched as Connie took the police through to her office.

"Lily," Connie spoke, glancing across the room at Lily and Iain who remained seated on the sofa. She gestured to the police that stood next to her, a woman and a man, and said, "they just want a word, okay?"

"Lily Chao, is it?" The woman asked kindly, taking a seat in Connie's chair. "My name is Olivia and this is my colleague, Dale. Now, Mrs Beauchamp gave us some vague details over the phone but we would like to talk to you about it."

"Don't patronise me," Lily spat, her arms folded across her chest.

"Lily," Connie hissed, as she stood with her back against the closed door of her office.

"It's okay," Olivia laughed, holding a hand up to Connie before turning her attention back to Lily. "I'm sorry. We understand that this is a difficult topic though so we just want you to feel comfortable, okay?"

"Can I get you a tea or a coffee at all?" Connie asked the police.

"Just a black coffee for me, thanks," Dale said in a strong scottish accent. "No sugar."

"Tea, milk, no sugar, thank you," Olivia said.

Connie nodded at them both and mouthed a small 'you okay?' at Lily, who nodded in response. Connie shot her a comforting smile and left to go and make the drinks. Olivia flicked open the notepad that she was holding and Lily gulped anxiously and began to scratch at her right arm. Iain caught sight of her and grabbed hold of her hand to try and stop her from causing injury to herself.

"So, as you're probably aware we are here to discuss the situation regarding a Mr Archie Grayling," Olivia remarked.

"That's right," Lily said.

"How long were you and Archie together, Lily?" Dale questioned, eventually taking a seat as well next to his colleague.

"Not long," Lily answered, her chest tightening as she spoke. "Not even a year. Probably about...Four, five months maybe? I'm sorry, I can't remember."

"That's okay," Olivia reassured her, as she began to scribble some notes down in her book. "And was he like this when the two of you started dating?" Lily shook her head, embarrassed to be speaking about it. "So what kind of things does he say to you, Lily?"

Lily didn't say anything. She kept her head hung and began to fiddle with her sleeves as a way to try and distract herself from the reality of what was happening. Iain saw that she was scared, that she was upset, and he began to rub small circles up and down her back to try and comfort her. It worked, but ever so slightly.

"Don't be scared," Dale said. "We just want to help."

"He just...Says stuff..." Lily whispered, giving a small shrug of the shoulders. "He says that I need to lose weight, that I'm ugly and will never be good enough for him, that...That I'm useless. To be honest, all of those things are true."

"No they're not," Iain told her.

The door creaked open and Connie walked in with a tray of drinks. She handed the only coffee to Dale, before passing a mug of tea over to Olivia and Iain as well. She set her own drink down onto her desk and handed Lily a glass of water. Lily just whispered a small 'thank you' at her and took a sip with shaking hands.

"And he's laid a hand on you more than once?" Olivia asked, taking a sip of her own drink.

"A few times, yes." Lily nodded, clutching the glass and resting it in her lap.

"Now Lily, this kind of behaviour is not on," Olivia said. "And our job here is to protect you and make sure that you're okay. Also, we need to make sure that Archie doesn't do anything like this towards any other woman out there. I'm going to ask you something here and I want you to be totally honest with me."

"What...What is it?" Lily stammered.

"Has Archie ever sexually assaulted you?" She asked in a gentle voice.

Connie glanced up and across at Lily, whilst Iain just briefly shut his eyes and dreaded hearing Lily's reply. Tears stung Lily's eyes and her lower lip wobbled slightly.

"I...I can't breathe," Lily whimpered, beginning to rub at her chest.

"Just take your time," Olivia said, looking to Connie for support.

"Sweetheart, look at me," Connie whispered, and went to sit on the other side of Lily. "Take a deep breath, calm down, and answer the question in your own time. There is no rush, okay? I promise you."

Lily faintly nodded and tried her best to get her breathing under control.

"He tried to, o...once," she answered. "But...I escaped. He never attempted it again though, and it...It was only an attempt."

"What happened there?" Dale asked her.

"He just...He wanted to snuggle up on the sofa and cuddle," Lily told them, tears rolling down her cheeks. "Sorry," she apologised and sniffed, quickly wiping them away.

"It's okay," Connie spoke up, and gave her a gentle nod. "You're doing well."

"He wanted to go further," Lily whispered. "But I didn't want to. He grabbed me but I...I pushed him away and ran off to my room. He hit me later on because of it, and he said that I...I...I was ugly and disgusting but...He didn't attempt it again."

"Okay, thank you Lily," Olivia said. "I don't overly want you to be alone tonight, just in case. Have you got anyone who you can stay with?"

"Yeah," Iain spoke for her and gave her shoulder a rub. "She can stay with me."

"Are you sure?" Lily whispered.

"Positive," he replied.

Connie thanked him and Lily smiled and rested her head against his shoulder, pleased to have him there. He'd been so good, so lovely and patient, and she really did not deserve any of it. Still, she didn't say that to him.

"And Archie was often round at your flat, wasn't he?" Olivia asked, and Lily nodded. "Did you ever go to his place at all? Do you know where he lives?"

"Yes," Lily answered in a small voice, after a bit of hesitation. "Yes, I do."

* * *

"Could you all gather round for me, please?" Connie asked, as she sauntered into reception with Elle following close behind.

The police had both gone after their chat with Lily, but Lily remained in the office with only Iain for company. She knew that Connie needed to inform the others as to what was going on, but she daredn't be there when she did. She knew that she wouldn't be able to handle the talks and the stares.

"Now, I'm sure you're all wondering what's going on here," Connie said.

"Why were the police here?" Cal questioned her.

"They were here to talk to Lily about something," Connie whispered. "Lily's had a rough few days. I'm sure the majority of you have realised that she hasn't been her old self."

There was a few head nods from the staff.

"The thing is..." Connie paused, unsure of how to phrase what she was going to say. "Lily has...Well...Archie hasn't been very nice to her as of late."

"What do you mean?" Ethan frowned at her, concerned for his best friends safety.

"He's been...Abusing her, I guess I should say," Connie sighed heavily, running a hand through her messy hair. "I know it isn't the nicest thing to hear, but we are doing everything that we possibly can to help Lily. She's been...Harming herself quite a bit and..."

"In what way?" Robyn interrupted, swallowing hard to try and stop herself from crying.

"Cutting," Connie replied. "And purging as well. We're going to get her help though, I promise. The police are dealing with Archie, and we're going to get some support for Lily. Just tread carefully around her, okay?"

"And how are we supposed to do that?" Max shrugged his shoulders.

"Just be sympathetic," Connie said. "Don't get her so stressed out, be nice to her, try not to eat in front of her. It's just little things like that. Once she starts seeing someone and once she does start getting that extra help though, then I promise that it will be easier."

They all stayed silent but nodded to show that they were listening, and that they understood. Still, none of them could quite believe that something like this had happened to one of their colleagues.

 **So the police were kind of based on the characters of Alec and Ellie from Broadchurch (hence the scottish accent from Dale). I love Broadchurch, it's such an amazing show :-)**

 **I'm really looking forward to the next chapter. It's a lovely scene between Lily, Iain and Gem, and I think you'll enjoy it to be honest.**


	23. Chapter 23

**xMissWhitneyBexx: Me too! Thank you so much and I hope your exams went well x**

 **Ltfl: Let's hope so :-)**

Chapter Twenty-Three

"You can sleep in Gemma's room, yeah?" Iain said to Lily, as they walked into Gem's bedroom.

Gem's bed was piled with clothes, and a neat looking campbed sat next to it. It was quite a small room and Lily just knew that it would be packed with her and Gem in there together, but she appreciated Iain's offer. Besides, she'd feel safe here.

It hadn't been the best of days. She hovered in the doorway of the bedroom with a bag of her things that she and Iain had just gone and collected from her flat, feeling sick at the thought of the those police arresting Archie for abuse.

"I'm going to be in the kitchen for a bit," Iain said, patting Lily's shoulder. "It's bin day tomorrow and I still haven't done the washing up from this morning yet either. But you make yourself comfortable in here and I'll leave Gem to help you get settled."

Lily nodded and went to sit down on the campbed, and Iain gestured for Gem to follow him.

"Look after her," he whispered in her ear.

"What?" Gem's eyes widened. "What am I supposed to do?"

"Just treat her like a normal person, maybe?" Iain said. "Watch her, help her unpack, talk to her. She's vulnerable at the moment Gem, you know what it's like to be in that situation don't you?"

"This is Tigerlily we're talking about here though," Gem said. "I don't know what to do, Iain."

"I've already told you," Iain hissed. "Look after her."

And with that, he headed off to the kitchen. Gem sighed and groaned to herself, before turning to go back into her bedroom. Lily remained seated on the bed, chewing on her sleeves in such an anxious manner that it made Gem feel almost scared of her.

"Um..." Gem shifted on the spot awkwardly, before perching next to Lily. "You okay?" She asked. "I'm sorry...About...Everything."

"Please do not feel sorry for me, Gemma," Lily whispered. "Isn't it bad enough that I've had the police in speaking to me today? I don't want anyone's pity."

"Sorry," Gem apologised. "I'm only trying to help. I guess I don't really know what to do in this kind of situation." She paused and signed wordlessly, eyeing Lily up and down to try and take in her facial expression. "When I was being abused by..."

"That isn't the same, Gem," Lily hissed through gritted teeth. "So don't you dare say that you know how I feel, because you don't."

"I'm sorry," Gem sighed and moodly crossed her arms over the chest. "I...I don't know what to say."

"Just stop apologising, because none of this is your fault," Lily said, running her hands down her face in frustration. "I just want to sleep and forget that today even happened."

* * *

The clock struck 1:30am. Gem groaned and rolled over onto her back, staring up at the ceiling with weary eyes. She yawned and checked the time on her phone before sitting upright in bed and rubbing at her eyes. She'd never been one to sleep through the night, and there were times when she would often wake up for a drink or the toilet. She thought it came from childhood; from the fear of sleeping in a dirt ridden house with her mother, from the fear of thinking that her brother was going to get killed in the army.

She glanced across at the campbed and saw that the duvet had been pushed onto the floor and that it was completely empty. She frowned and looked towards the door that remained shut.

"That's odd," she remarked.

She noticed that Lily's jacket had gone missing too, as well as her white trainers that she sometimes wore to work.

"Lily?" She whispered, swinging her legs round and shoving on her usual pair of trainers.

She stepped over the campbed and gripped the handle of the door, opening it ever so slightly until the sound of vomiting hit her. She gulped and tears stung her eyes, as she spotted that the bathroom light was on. She bit her lip and thought about getting Lily some water before barging straight in on her. She made her way across to the kitchen and noticed that someone had been rummaging through the cupboards. Empty crisp packets and chocolate bar wrappers covered the table.

Lily.

Gem gulped and decided that she needed to grab her brother instead. Iain was clearly still asleep in the room next door but she prayed that he wouldn't mind her disturbing him.

"Iain," she whispered, hurrying over and beginning to shake him awake. "Iain, I need your help."

"What?" He groaned, opening his eyes slightly. "Gemma, it's the middle of the night for crying out loud. Go back to sleep."

"I can't," Gem whined. "It's Lily! There's tonnes of junk food in the kitchen and she's in the bathroom being sick. I...I don't know what to do."

"You're kidding me," Iain muttered under his breath and immediately removed the covers. "Go back to bed, Gemma."

He slipped on some shoes and his favourite Batman dressing gown and rushed out of his room and towards the bathroom. Instead of going back to bed, Gem followed, even though she felt nervous on what they were about to walk in on.

Lily was knelt on the floor, her head bent over the toilet as she threw up everything that she'd just eaten. Iain rushed to her side straight away, but Gem hovered in the doorway with small tears in her eyes.

"Lily!" Iain yelled, gently stroking her hair out of her face. "Hey. What have you done? Come on, look at me princess."

"Go away," Lily sobbed, coughing and spluttering as Iain brought her in for a hug. "Get off!" She screamed, punching his chest at such a hard force that he did almost topple over backwards.

"No, no, no," Iain said calmly and patiently, his arms wrapped around her. "I'm not going anywhere." He looked up at Gem who was leaning against the wall, tears rolling down her cheeks. He gave her a small smile of sympathy and kissed the top of Lily's head. "Come on," he said. "I want to have a little chat with you. Come into the living room with me."

"I want to stay here," Lily sobbed into his pyjama shirt, her fingers gripped around the ends of his Batman dressing gown. "I've slept on the bathroom floor loads of times before."

Iain's heart broke when he heard her say that, and all he could do was nod. He couldn't quite believe that Archie was so awful that Lily often just lay on the floor of the bathroom after purging, slowly drifting off into a sleep. It hurt him, but also angered him.

"I know," he said gently. "But you'll be more comfortable."

He stood up and managed to lift a weak and sobbing Lily into his arms. Gem sniffed and stepped to one side, unable to control her tears anymore. He carried Lily into the living room and sat down on the sofa with her sitting across his lap, Gem following.

"Gemma, get her a glass of water or something," Iain said, as Lily attempted to pull away from him. "Lily, stop it. Come here." He held her on his lap and rubbed her back to try and stop her from hysterically sobbing.

"I'm a mess!" She wailed. "Please get off. I...I feel sick again."

"No, I'm not letting you do this to yourself," Iain said.

Lily just screamed and started to punch at his chest with her fists again. Iain winced in pain, surprised at how hard she could punch, but he said nothing. It was clear that Lily often became angry whenever she was upset or scared. It was almost two o'clock in the morning though and both him and Gem were on an early shift at the ED.

Gem walked back in and handed the glass of water to Iain, who immediately offered it to Lily. Gem perched herself on the arm of the sofa and watched as Lily continued to cry and shout, the smell of sick pouring off of her. Gem didn't understand binging but she wasn't going to question anything, especially in front of Lily.

"Just calm down," Iain said, setting the glass down on the coffee table. "Come on, calm down for me hmm?" He tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear and kept a tight grip on her arm, holding her steady on his lap. "What brought this on?"

"Shut up!" Lily screamed, making a grab for the glass. She needed something to throw out of rage, anything, even if it did break.

"Lily, no!" Iain grabbed the glass before she could and pushed it away from her. "Come on. Why did you do it, eh?"

"I had to," Lily sobbed. "I was so hungry, but I just felt so bad for eating it. I hate myself so much Iain, I can't do this anymore."

"Hey now," Iain soothed. "You are wonderful, and you have no reason to hate yourself. This binge eating though Lily, this cutting, it all needs to stop."

"I can't help it," Lily coughed. "Especially at night. I...I couldn't sleep, and it...It was all I could think about!"

"It's okay," Iain said kindly, looking across at his scared, little sister. "But how are we supposed to go back to sleep now? We're both too scared that you're going to do something again."

"You don't have to watch me," Lily cried. "Let me go." She attempted to clamber off of Iain's lap, but he was refusing to let her go. "I hate you!" She screamed.

"No you don't," Iain said, gently rubbing his thumb up and down Lily's arm as she buried her face into his dressing gown. "Hey, we're going to get you some help for this yeah? You'll be back to your old self in no time."

"I just want to be left alone," Lily said wearily, her eyes slowly drooping and her tears continuing to fall.

"Let's get you to bed," Iain said, patting her back and turning to address his sister. "You can stay with me tonight. I'll look after you."

"I hate you," Lily repeated herself, giving his chest another hard punch.

Iain held her close and rested his chin on her temple, gently rubbing her back in an attempt to calm her down. He knew that she didn't mean it; she was scared, she was upset, and more than anything she was hungry. He hated Archie for what he'd done to her, and he hated the fact that she was now so broken and so out of character.

He wanted to help her, no matter how hard it was.

"I love you, Lily," he whispered, but over her hysterical cries of protest she didn't seem to hear him.

 **So I hope that was okay. It was a chapter that I had planned but it took me ages to write. Let me know what you think :-) x**


	24. Chapter 24

**Ltfl: They are good for her :-)**

 **Guest: Thank you so much. I absolutely love Lily and Iain. Lily is my favourite character and they're definitely my favourite couple. Thanks for saying I'm talented, that means a lot :-)**

 **Dancingwithmyshadow6: Thank you. I have changed it.**

Chapter Twenty-Four

"What do you mean you're not going into work today?" Gem shouted, as she followed Iain into the kitchen.

They were both already showered and dressed but Gem had been shocked to hear that Iain wasn't actually going into work at all. It had been a rough night and whilst Lily had stayed with Iain in his room, neither of them had slept at all. Lily had been in quite a bad way and Iain felt too scared to go to sleep, in case she went and did something again.

"I gave Mrs Beauchamp a ring this morning and explained what had happened with Lily," Iain told her. "She told me to keep her at home today and that I am more than welcome to stay and keep an eye on her. She's vulnerable right now Gem, gods know what she'll do if she's left alone."

"So I have to go into work on my own?" Gem suddenly looked petrified. "What am I going to do?"

"You've been working there for a while now, Gemma," Iain said. "You don't need me to hold your hand. Besides, it isn't as if we even have the same job role. I'm a paramedic, you serve tea and coffee."

"Thanks for bringing me down," Gem scoffed sarcastically.

"I wasn't," Iain said. "Grab some breakfast and head off to work. You'll be fine, I promise you."

Gem just nodded at him, moodily grabbing the box of cereal from one of the cupboards. She slammed the box down onto the table and sat down with her arms folded across her chest, watching as her brother put the kettle on.

"Is Lily okay?" She mumbled, giving a small shrug of the shoulders.

"Who knows?" He sighed, without looking her in the eyes. "I've been trying to help her. She just got angry and started throwing things." He glanced across at her and said, "she's really not well, Gem."

"She...She was making herself throw up?" Gem asked in a choked up voice. "I don't get it."

"Lily thinks that she needs to lose weight," Iain told his sister. "And her brain is thinking that binging and throwing up is the best way to do that. It's Bulimia, a dangerous illness that could kill someone one day."

"What?" Gem whispered, as small tears shone in her eyes.

"She isn't going to die though," Iain said. "Hey. We're getting her help, aren't we? I just...I...I bloody hate what this stupid man has done to her." He opened one of the cupboards and slammed it shut with a pained scream. Gem flinched in her chair and gulped nervously. "Sorry," he apologised, noticing her scared expression.

"It's okay," Gem said. "I hate him too."

"Are you okay?" He asked her. "You...You looked pretty upset last night."

"Well it's Lily, isn't it?" Gem shrugged her shoulders. "I'm not used to seeing her like that."

Iain sighed wordlessly and chewed on his lip, him and Gem just sitting in silence for a little while. Gem reached into the open box of cereal and grabbed a handful, shovelling the food straight into her mouth.

"Classy," Iain joked, chuckling to himself. "Have a good day at work, yeah? You'll be okay. I'll text you around lunchtime and give you an update on Lily."

"Thank you," Gem whispered, helping herself to another handful of cereal.

* * *

"She's not left the bedroom all morning," Iain informed Connie, as the two of them headed into the living room. Connie shot him a concerned look, sitting down on the sofa but Iain quickly spoke before she could question anything. "Relax," he calmed her, holding his hands up. "I made sure that there wasn't anything sharp in the room, and I've kept watch all morning. She's not once gone into the bathroom."

"I know it's ridiculous," Connie sighed, shaking her head. "We can't keep an eye on her all the time. Then again, we can't allow her to hurt herself."

"She was in a really bad way last night, Mrs Beauchamp," Iain mentioned. "She kept crying and screaming, and she wouldn't let me help in any way. She just kept punching me and telling me to leave her alone, she tried to throw things as well."

"Well, you know why that is don't you?" Connie sighed. "She's struggling, Iain. A lot. I've been in contact with a few people, including a lovely lady called Mary who's going to come and talk to her at work. I haven't arranged a date yet but she works with a lot of people who have eating disorders and other mental heath issues, and basically what she does is go to different employers and assess whether someone is fit for work or not."

"Well, clearly she isn't," Iain said.

"Not necessarily true actually," Connie said. "A lot of people who have an eating disorder and who may self harm in another way can still carry out their normal occupation. In Lily's case, she's bulimia and she's cutting. Archie may be arrested, she had to speak to the police yesterday, so this behaviour could just be temporary. It may not but that's what Mary is going to look at. She'll be able to help Lily a little bit more than we can."

"So what's Mary's job then?" Iain questioned.

"She is a psychiatric nurse," Connie told him. "She used to work as a healthcare assistant at the local mental hospital, and she's recently gone self employed. Now she works at home and sees many people of all ages with various mental health issues. I think she said that her youngest patient is eleven, and her oldest is eighty three who's struggled with anorexia for years."

"Okay," Iain said, interested. "And she's willing to see Lily, is she?"

"Yes, she's more than happy to," Connie said. "She's going to check her diary, see when she's free, and arrange a date to come and see Lily at work. She'll then consider whether she is fit to be working or if she should be booked off, and she'll arrange some counselling sessions with her as well. I think Lily will be fine with her. She needs the help and if she isn't comfortable with Ben..."

"Yeah, I know," Iain sighed.

"Let me have a chat with trouble first," Connie said. "Is she in your room?"

Iain nodded and moved to one side, as Connie got up and made her way across to Iain's bedroom. She knocked lightly and walked in to see Lily lying under the covers in Iain's bed, the sunlight shining through the window and filling the room.

"Lily," Iain said, leaning against the wall with his hands in his pockets. "Connie's come to see you."

"Hello, my lovely," Connie said, crouching at the side of Lily's bed and stroking the hair out of her face.

Lily's hair was a tangled mess. She wore an old pyjama top with a baggy jacket over the top, jogging bottoms, and a pair of slippers.

"Iain told me that you'd had a rough night," Connie mentioned.

"What are you doing here?" Lily mumbled.

"I'm working, aren't I?" Connie sighed. "Let's just say I'm doing a home visit for my best patient. Do you want to come into the living room with us?" Lily shook her head, groaned and rubbed at her eyes. "How about you at least have a bath? You'll feel a lot better once you get dressed."

"I don't want to," Lily whispered.

"Well, am I allowed to stay here?" Connie asked gently. "I have some things that I need to discuss with you."

"Sure," Lily agreed.

"Okay well, you are quite a worry for everyone at the moment," Connie began. "And you know how we said that we were going to get you someone to talk to?"

Lily nodded, hating where this was going already. She listened though as Connie told her everything that she'd just told Iain. Tears stung her eyes and the tight feeling in her chest returned and by the time Connie had finished, she had tears rolling down both sides of her face.

"What's wrong?" Connie questioned, glancing across at Iain who remained leaning against the wall.

"I...I...I'm not crazy," she sobbed out.

"I know you're not," Connie said, continuing to give her hair a comforting stroke.

"We're not saying that you are, Chuckles," Iain said, walking over and perching on the bed, a gentle hand resting on her hip. "Loads of people have counselling, it doesn't mean that they're crazy. I've had anger management before, haven't I?"

"But I can still work," Lily said, trying to push Connie away.

"Please, don't," Connie pleaded, taking hold of her hands. "I know that you want to get back to work, and I know that you are very dedicated to your job. However, we cannot have this level of lashing out and upset in an Emergency Department."

Lily sniffed and began to scratch at her wrist, determined to draw blood.

"Can I have a look at your arms, please?" Connie asked, noticing the scratching and guessing that she may have cut again.

"No!" Lily shouted, violently thrashing around in the bed.

Connie grabbed her arm and noticed a fairly new cut that she'd made the other day. She said nothing and wrapped an arm around Lily's shoulder, hugging her. Lily tensed up and tried to elbow her but soon relaxed and just began to cry into Connie's shirt.

"Can you try and eat something for me?" Connie asked, wiping away Lily's tears with her thumb.

"No!" Lily cried, the sudden panic setting in again.

"Okay, okay." Connie gave her a pat on the back and nodded. "I'm going to make Iain and myself something. Why doesn't Iain help you get dressed? You'll be safe with him. You trust him, don't you?"

Lily nodded as Connie stood up and cupped her face in her hands before leaving the bedroom. Iain sighed heavily and stood up from the bed, walking round to face Lily. He held his arms out and she nodded, slowly and anxiously slipping her jacket off of her shoulders. She locked eyes with him and he tried not to stare at the scars and cuts that covered her arms.

"Okay?" He whispered, as she folded her arms across her stomach.

"Yeah," she whispered back.

"Are you going to put a clean shirt on?" He asked.

Lily took a deep breath and faintly nodded. She turned her head to avoid eye contact and went to slip her shirt off. Iain's eyes widened when he spotted her back though; bruises covered her skin, and rage filled him when he realised how badly Archie had actually hurt her.

"I...I know you've seen them," she said quietly, slipping her shirt back down quickly.

"Him?" Iain asked slowly, and she gave him a nod. "Oh my god," he sighed, going to sit on the edge of the bed beside her.

"I didn't want Mrs Beauchamp to see," Lily told him.

"It's okay," he said, wiping a loose tear away from her cheek with his thumb. "I understand."

She forced a smile, which he soon returned. The two of them sat in silence, eyes meeting, until Iain slowly leaned in and pressed his lips against hers.

 **The moment I know you've all been waiting for. I hope you enjoyed it ;-) x**

 **Also the character of Mary is based off of my aunt. She's a psychiatric nurse and goes round to peoples workplaces to see if they're fit to work or not. I find her job pretty interesting to be honest.**


	25. Chapter 25

**Ltfl: They did! She does and thank you, it's a** **pretty difficult storyline to write.**

 **Dancingwithmyshadow6: Thank you. Glad you liked the chapter.**

 **Tanith Panic: Thanks for reviewing all of my chapters and I'm glad you're enjoying the story :-)**

Chapter Twenty-Five

Lily sat on the edge of the bed, staring across at the door with a blank expression on her face. She gulped anxiously and tears stung her eyes, her whole body shaking. Iain sat next to her still, although he'd moved over slightly after deciding to kiss her. He suddenly realised how stupid he had been and wished that he could take back what he'd done.

"Get out," Lily whispered, rubbing her sweaty hands together.

"Lily," Iain breathed, and ran his hands down his face.

"Please," Lily begged, her lower lip wobbling slightly as small tears rolled down her cheeks. "Please go."

"I'm sorry," Iain apologised. "I...I didn't mean..."

"I said get out!" Lily shouted, turning to give him a hard shove. "I...I don't want you here!"

"I said I was sorry," Iain said. "Please don't, Lily. I know I shouldn't have kissed you, but...I...I like you and..."

"Shut up!" Lily screamed in tears. "You know what I've been through, you know what Archie has done to me, and you know how I feel about myself! Why couldn't you have just controlled yourself for crying out loud?"

The door creaked open and Connie walked in, after hearing Lily shout. Nervous, she'd decided to go and see what all the commotion was about and she was stunned to see that Lily was in tears.

"What's happened?" She questioned the two of them.

"He just kissed me!" Lily yelled, standing up from the bed. "That's what happened! I want him to leave."

"Okay Lily, calm down," Connie said gently, shooting one of her world famous death stares at Iain. "Iain, maybe you should go and finish off making lunch? I think you've caused enough trouble in here."

"Don't bother with lunch," Iain sighed, standing up and running a hand through his hair. "I'm out of here!"

"This is your place," Connie reminded him.

"I don't care!" Iain spat and shoved past Connie, storming out of the room and slamming the door shut behind him.

Lily flinched as the sound echoed throughout the room and she looked towards Connie for some kind of help and support. Connie sighed and walked over to take Iain's place on the bed. She reached across and wrapped an arm around Lily's shoulder, pulling her in for a hug.

"I'm sorry," Lily whispered. "I...I know I shouldn't have reacted like that, but he scared me."

"Now, what are you sorry for?" Connie said. "Iain was bang out of order there. However, you do realise that Iain would never hurt you right? I understand that you're scared but Iain is one of the good guys."

Lily just shrugged her shoulders.

"Now I hate to ask you this," Connie whispered. "But has Archie text you at all?"

"I'm not sure," Lily whispered back, her arms wrapped around Connie's waist. "I turned my phone off. Every time it rings or buzzes, I...I just feel physically sick and I didn't want that."

"Understandable," Connie said, stroking at her hair.

"Where's Iain gone?" Lily asked, lifting her head so that she was making eye contact with Connie. "I was horrible to him."

"Don't worry about him," Connie sighed. "He'll just be calming himself down somewhere."

"I just panicked," Lily said.

"Lily, I know," Connie told her. "Stop worrying, please. Come on, how about we go into the living room and watch a film or something? Lunch can wait."

"Y...You can eat something if you want, you know?" Lily said in a small, teary voice. "I don't mind it, if...If you eat in front of me. It's not fair otherwise."

"It's early days, Lily," Connie sighed. "I'd rather not. Come on, you can pick the movie."

* * *

"Iain. What are you doing here?" Gem asked, when he saw his brother enter the ED later that afternoon. Her first thought was that something had happened to Lily, and her stomach churned. "Speak to me," she ordered, when Iain didn't answer her.

"I've gone and done something stupid, Gem," he sighed. "Completely and utterly stupid."

Gem frowned at him and asked, "what the hell did you do?"

"Seriously?" Gem scoffed. "You kissed her?! I always knew you had feelings for her. It's about time, bro."

"You don't understand, do you?" Iain asked, shaking his head. "She freaked, Gemma. She's recently been in an abusive relationship; of course she's going to freak out when I kiss her. She doesn't know what it feels like to be loved by a man."

"Was...Was she angry?" Gem asked quietly.

"Um...Just a bit, yeah," Iain said. "I couldn't handle it. I felt stupid, ashamed, embarrassed, and I just had to get out of there."

"So you left her by herself?" Gem raised an eyebrow at her older brother, shocked and annoyed by his actions.

"Don't be ridiculous," Iain said. "Connie's with her. I just...I'm not upset with Lily, I'm upset with myself. Yes, I have feelings for her okay? Yes, I'm okay with admitting that. I...I should have just known not to jump into anything too fast. She isn't ready and I should have realised that."

"Clearly," Gem mumbled. "But will she ever be ready?"

"What do you mean?" Iain asked.

"She's never going to forget what Archie's done to her," Gem said. "So will she ever be ready for a relationship? It isn't fair for you if you have to wait years and years only to find out that Lily never wants another relationship."

"Well, we'd talk about that," Iain said. "But she's only just spoken to the police. I'm sure Lily will be ready one day, it's just going to take some time and we need to remember that."

"I guess," Gem whispered.

"Iain!" Elle's voice arrived and the brother and sister turned to see her strolling towards them. "Is Connie with you at all?"

"No," Iain answered and shook his head at her. "She's with Lily. I um...I...I'm just on my way to the shops and thought that I'd pop by and see how the ED is."

Gem just rolled her eyes at his lie, but she kept quiet about everything.

"Do you know when she'll be back at all?" Elle asked. "I really need to speak to her about something."

"I'm not sure, sorry," Iain said. "What's up?"

Elle looked pleased, yet serious, and he was desperate to find out what she so badly needed to talk to Connie about.

"The police have been round," Elle sighed. "They've arrested Archie."

 **Cliffhanger! I hope the chapter was okay. I'm tired but wanted to update :-) x**


	26. Chapter 26

Chapter Twenty-Six

Lily and Connie were sat on the sofa, in the middle of watching Mary Poppins. Elle had phoned Connie, explaining the situation with Archie, and Lily had gone quiet since the conversation. She was so scared; Archie was in prison because of her and he was bound to get his revenge on her in court. Everything was her fault. She knew that she should have just kept her mouth shut.

Gem soon arrived home from work and expecting it to be Iain, Lily looked up and tried not to look disappointed upon seeing his sister.

"Can I talk to you?" Gem asked Lily, before turning to look at Connie. "In private, maybe?"

"You know what," Connie sighed. "I think I better go and sort out that washing up before Iain arrives home. Shout if you need something."

Lily nodded and Connie gently stroked her hair, before heading into the kitchen. Gem waited until she'd fully left the room before taking a seat beside Lily. She felt awkward, unsure of what to say, and she wondered if Lily had had another one of her meltdowns at all. Had she cut? Had she caused herself to throw up again? She knew better than to ask though.

"How was work?" Lily questioned her.

"It was okay." Gem shrugged. "It wasn't the same without you though. You usually help me with my maths and I...I had to ask someone else today, I felt kind of stupid."

"You're not stupid," Lily whispered.

"Thanks," Gem said, giving her a small smile. "Iain told me what happened by the way."

"He came to see you?" Lily asked. "Where is he at the moment?"

"I think he went to the pub with some of the guys," she said. "He was feeling really bad and he wanted to give you the space."

Lily just nodded, not breathing a word.

"He really likes you, Lily," Gem told her. "I'm not blaming you for anything here. Iain explained it all to me and he's right, anyone would have reacted the same way if they'd been through what you've been through. My brother is a good guy though; he has a temper on him, and he can tell really lame jokes, but he's a good guy and he likes you."

"He told you this?" Lily asked her.

"Maybe," Gem said. "But I've also seen the way he looks at you. We're brother and sister and we've spent years apart from each other. He's done his share of helping me, so now it's my turn to help him."

"I'm not good enough for him," Lily said. "And I probably never will be."

"Don't say that," Gem said. "Who knows what the future will bring. I know you may not see this right now but Iain isn't like Archie. Archie was an awful man and there was something seriously wrong with him. My brother will treat you right, he'll look after you."

"I just don't know if I'm ready," Lily said. "No, I...I know I'm not ready."

"That's understandable," Gem said. "But have a think about it. I just thought that you should know much my brother likes you, that's all."

"You sound different," Lily said.

Gem shrugged her shoulders and frowned at her in confusion. "How so?"

"Just..." Lily paused for a bit. "More grown up."

"Oh crap," Gem muttered her breath, smiling and rolling her eyes.

"Now you're starting to sound like your old self," Lily laughed at her.

* * *

Lily couldn't sleep. Again.

She tossed and turned in bed, unable to find the energy to even check the time on her phone. She held the ends of the duvet under her face and sniffed as she tried to close her eyes. Every time she did though, she'd start thinking, and they'd pop straight open again.

She rolled onto her back and wiped at her eyes, trying to count the amount of cracks that were in the ceiling. Gem hadn't come to bed yet, she was still watching TV in the living room, hence why Lily had chosen to sleep in her bed instead of the camped. It felt much more comfortable.

The door opened and she quickly turned her head, thinking that Gem had finally decided to go to sleep. It was just Iain though.

"Hey," he whispered, hands in his pockets. "Can I join you?"

"Sure," Lily whispered back, giving a small shrug of the shoulders.

She moved over and allowed Iain to climb in beside her.

"What are you doing in Gem's bed?" He asked her, but she didn't answer. "Um...Connie said that the two of you watched Mary Poppins earlier. You never struck me as the musical girl."

"You never struck me as the country boy," Lily said, and Iain's eyes widened. "That's right. I still remember that," she sighed.

"There's nothing wrong with liking a bit of country music," Iain chuckled, and Lily managed a weak smile. "Hey, are we okay? I really am sorry for earlier. And um...We can talk more about it when...Things have calmed down slightly."

"It's okay," Lily whispered. "I just hate myself for freaking out like that. I should have been able to let you kiss me."

"It isn't your fault, you know?" Iain said, Lily going silent again. "Anyone else would have had the exact same reaction." Still no reply. "What's on your mind, Lily?"

"I'm scared," Lily said, wiping a small tear away from her eye. "Archie's been arrested, and...I have to go up against him in court. He's going to hate me so much, Iain. What if he comes after me? What if they find that he's innocent?"

"Those are all just 'what if's'?" He said. "For now though, Archie is being kept in prison until court so you can finally try your best to move on with your life. I know it's hard but please try not to worry about court, you have plenty of time to prepare and Archie can't get to you whilst he's in prison."

Lily nodded faintly and shivered slightly, crossing her arms over her chest.

"Sorry," Iain said. "Would you like me to move?"

"No." Lily shook her head. "I like the company. It's nice, thank you. Look, I...I'm really sorry that I can't give you what you want but maybe...Maybe one day we could try again? Go to the cinema or something?"

"Really?" Iain asked, surprised at her words.

"You're the only guy who's ever really made me feel loved," Lily said. "For now though, just the thought of kissing a man panics me."

"What's brought all this on?" Iain asked. "Honestly, I didn't think you'd forgive me so soon."

"I was talking to Gem earlier," Lily said. "You have a good sister there, Iain. She told me how you felt. I...I like you Iain, however I don't want you to wait. There could be other women out there, who...Aren't so screwed up."

"You're not screwed up. Besides, that doesn't matter," Iain whispered, a smile on his face. "I'll wait for you."

 **I loved writing that last line. I know I got this chapter up super quick but I wanted to write it. The next chapter will move the story on a bit but not too much. Enjoy x**


	27. Chapter 27

**Ltfl: Definitely :-)**

 **A: They are. Sorry about that, but I did delete it. I've got a few stories with the same plot and I didn't feel as if it was my best work. Also, I tend to write about Lily and Iain more now so I was just tidying up my profile a bit.**

Chapter Twenty-Seven

"Would you like me to take over?"

Connie observed Lily's shaking hands and sucked in a breath. She suddenly had this horrible image of the needle going straight through the gentleman's arm; blood everywhere, ear-piercing screams echoing throughout the department, both from the patient and the staff. She knew that she needed to stop Lily before she did make her vision come true.

"I...I can always do it," Alicia offered, as she too had noticed Lily's tremors.

None of them could blame her. It was her first day back after being off for a week, and she had an appointment scheduled with Mary for later on that day, so she was bound to be feeling nervous. Connie didn't want to tell a perfectly good doctor how to do her job, but sometimes it was necessary.

"I...I'm okay," Lily stammered.

Her gaze was fixated on the needle but her mind wasn't completely focused on the patient. All she could think about was how easy it would be to jam the needle into her arm, how much pain and blood that it would let out. The needle slowly slid from her fingers and Connie could obviously tell what she was thinking, as she placed a hand on her shoulder and slowly and carefully steered her away from the bed.

"Doctor Munroe, could you take it from here?" Connie asked, removing the equipment from Lily before handing it over to Alicia.

"Of course," Alicia said and gave Connie a promising nod.

"Have I got doctors or monkeys operating on me? The patient snapped, shocked and quite appalled at Lily's behaviour.

"No Sir, all of our doctors are fully trained," Connie said, holding a hand up to him. "Doctor Munroe, I will get Doctor Knight to assist you. Lily, out."

Lily reluctantly followed Connie out of the cubicle, head hung, hands in the pockets of her black trousers. She could tell by the tone of her voice, that Connie was angry, and she had every right to be as well.

"Do you not want to work here anymore or something?" Connie asked, folding her arms over her chest. "Because Mary will be here in ten minutes to see whether you are fit for work or not, and you just tried to cut yourself in front of a patient, whilst performing a procedure."

"I didn't," Lily whispered.

"Don't lie to me," Connie said. "Come on, we'll go to my office and you can wait in there until Mary arrives. I think that's probably for the best."

Lily's chest tightened, as she walked with Connie to the office. She didn't want to chat someone about her problems, she didn't want someone else to decide whether she was able to work or not. Connie looked angry still, but also scared. Maybe she was worried about the outcome of the conversation, maybe she thought that Lily would have to be booked off.

Lily sat on the sofa with her hands in her lap, whilst Connie rummaged through paperwork on her desk. Lily watched her out of the corner of her eye but she felt too scared to say anything. The door creaked open and Gem walked in with a tray of drinks, thankfully interrupting the awkwardness.

"Fancy a drink?" Gem asked. "I um...Well...Iain said that you had your appointment today."

"Thank you," Lily whispered, taking a cup of tea from the tray, before searching for some money in her pocket and handing it over to Gem.

"You don't have to pay," Gem said, handing one of the other mugs over to Connie.

"I want to," Lily said, sipping at the drink. She noticed the puzzled expression on the teen's face and says, "you owe me £1.80 in change."

"Right. Thanks." Gem nodded at her, dropping the change into her hand, before turning to Connie. "See? You can't book her off work. She's my brain, I need her here."

"We'll decide that, thank you," Connie said, with a small sigh. "Is the other drink for Mary?"

"I thought she might want one," Gem said, placing the spare mug on the table.

"That's very kind, just leave it here with us," Connie said, clearing her throat and flicking through some notes. "Thank you, Gemma."

"It's Gem!" Gem shouted in frustration and stormed out of the office, slamming the door on her way out.

"So..." Connie sighed, placing the paperwork down on the desk. "Lily. Have you thought of anything that you might want to speak to Mary about?" Lily just shrugged her shoulders, tightening her grip around her mug until she could feel the warmth burning her skin. "Well, what's your main worries at the moment?" She asked.

"Court," Lily confessed. "What else?"

Connie nodded sympathetically at her. She was about to speak when Elle walked in, closely followed by a woman who looked as if she was in her fifties. She had brown hair and was dressed smartly in a suit. She held a handbag in her left hand and clutched a pile of folders and books to her chest.

"Connie, this is Mary," Elle introduced the woman.

"Of course, thank you Doctor Gardner," Connie said, allowing Elle to leave the room. "Mary, take a seat. Our lovely colleague, Gem has left you a cup of a tea. I have sugar in my drawer if you did want it."

"No that's fine, thank you," Mary said, a little too happily, and turned to address Lily. "Lily Chao, is it?" Lily just faintly nodded her head, as Mary sat down on the sofa beside her. "Well I'm Mary, I'm sure Connie has told you about me. Don't be scared, today's just a small chat and at the end I will decide whether you should be working or not."

"I'm okay to work," Lily told her. "Really."

"I don't think so," Connie scoffed, receiving a look from Mary. "There was just a little incident in cubicles earlier."

"Okay," Mary sighed, flicking open one of her folders. "Would you like to tell me a bit more about that?"

"No, not really," Lily whispered, avoiding eye contact with the nurse.

She couldn't breathe, she just wanted to remove herself from the office. She thought about the needles and the scissors and the scalpels that sat in cubicles, and she thought about the chocolate bar that hid at the back of her locker. She hadn't thrown up at all last night, that was over twelve hours ago, she needed to get back into her routine again or she was never going to lose the weight that she'd put on.

She kept her eyes straight ahead and dug her nails into the arm of the sofa, counting slowly to ten in her head, over and over again. She scanned the office, but there wasn't anything that she could plunge into her skin, not that she could see anyway.

Her heart was telling her that she should stop, but her brain was saying something completely different. It was as if she'd become obsessed with harming her own body.

"Lily?"

She snapped out of her trance and glanced across at Mary, who was watching her with sad and worried eyes.

"Is that true?" She asked. "Did you try and hurt yourself in cubicles?"

Lily hadn't even realised that Mary and Connie had been talking about her, she'd been so involved in the best way to hurt herself.

"I just..." Lily set her tea down on the table and wiped at her eyes. "I hadn't done it in a while."

"Okay," Mary said, scribbling something down. Lily was desperate to know what she was writing. "Tell me about this thing with eating. Why do you feel the need to make yourself sick?"

"I can't explain it." Lily shrugged, looking across at Connie who was too busy, or pretending to be, looking through her paperwork. "When I'm hungry, I eat. I eat until I'm full, then I...I just know that I have to get it all back up again to lost the weight that I've gained. I'm not crazy, I just don't want to be fat."

"Do you skip meals?" Mary asked.

"No," Lily lied, after some hesitation.

"The truth," Mary sighed and when Lily didn't answer, she turned to Connie. "Mrs Beauchamp. Could you maybe answer the question?"

"What?" Connie asked, looking up, and glancing suspiciously towards the young registrar.

"Does Lily often skip meals?" Mary asked.

"Well," Connie sighed, folding her arms across the desk. "I know for a fact that she doesn't eat much at all during her shifts, and on a number of occassions she has missed out on lunch."

"I was just wondering because people with eating disorders tend to skip meals," Mary said. "And people with bulimia often schedule times for a binge session when they get hungry, often at night, before throwing it all back up again."

"I don't have an eating disorder," Lily whispered, clenching her teeth together. "I just want to lose weight and look good. What is wrong with that?"

"There's nothing wrong with losing weight, Lily," Connie said. "But you do it in a healthy way. Eat fruit and vegetables, exercise, that sort of thing. You don't even have to lose any, you're perfect as you are."

"Stop saying that!" Lily shouted, standing up and kicking the coffee table over.

The mugs of tea went flying and both Mary and Connie fell silent. Lily burst into tears and curled up on the sofa, burying her face in the back of it. She held her hands to her face and Connie stood up from her chair, mouthing a small apology to Mary. She cleared her throat and sat on the other side of Lily, a hand on her upper back to try and comfort her.

"Would you like any help cleaning up?" Mary kindly offered.

"No," Connie whispered, shaking her head at her. "I'll sort it later."

She rubbed Lily's shoulder and slowly turned her body so that she was looking up at her with watery eyes. Lily was just hysterically crying, something that Connie hadn't seen much of, from her before. It brought tears to her own eyes.

"Eating's the only thing I have control of," Lily sobbed.

"What do you mean?" Connie asked gently, trying not to cause another meltdown.

"When...When I was with Archie," Lily hiccuped, and a single tear rolled off of the end of her nose. "I had no control in the relationship. I...I don't feel perfect and I know that I have to do something to fix it, what...what goes in my mouth is the only thing that I feel like I have control over. I may not have been able to stop Archie, but surely I can stop myself gaining weight."

Neither Connie nor Mary spoke. They just sat and listened, as Lily tried her best to explain everything.

"People don't think I'm hungry, they think that I don't want to eat but that isn't true," she cried. "I'm starving! I do want to eat, but I just can't. B...Binging just makes me feel calmer and less anxious, and...It makes me feel more in control of my life."

"Come here, sweetheart," Connie soothed, pulling Lily in close for a hug. "You did so well explaining that to us. I'm proud of you."

"Lily," Mary sighed. "You are extremely ill and you're only going to get worse if you don't get some help for it. Now none of us want that to happen, and I know that you don't want it to happen either."

Lily shook her head, tears continuing to stream down both sides of her face.

"I'm going to book you off work," Mary said. "Four weeks, and then we will decide what to do re going back. In the meantime, I'd like you to see me twice a week. I'm hoping that myself and your friends and colleagues will be able to help you."

 **So this chapter took a lot of research and I'm still not sure on whether I got it right or not. I needed Lily to explain the reason behind throwing up and honestly I didn't understand binge eating that much. I understood anorexia but not binge eating, so I did do a lot of googling.**

 **I hope it was okay and please let me know if there are any changes I could make, or if I didn't get it completely right. Let me know please and I'll amend the chapter if I need to x**

 **Also, I'm really really sorry if the story is dragging. Things will start to speed up soon, I promise.**


	28. Chapter 28

**Ltfl: Okay that's good, thank you :-)**

 **Dancingwithmyshadow6: Thank you :-)**

Chapter Twenty-Eight

Lily was flicking through the drawers in Connie's office, wondering why she'd even been chosen to do a filing job in the first place. Did Connie just want a good and healthy to distract her? Did she think that she was going to cause trouble? Was it a subtle way of getting her to talk about her feelings?

"These also need filing alphabetically as well," Connie said, handing Lily some more files.

"What's the point in this, Mrs Beauchamp?" Lily questioned her. "I was a registrar. Now I'm filing. I've basically just been demoted."

"You've been booked off work for four weeks," Connie reminded her, and sat down on the sofa. "You are in no fit state to be attending to patients, so you can help me with my paperwork."

"Surely I should be at home then," Lily said.

"I don't feel comfortable with that," Connie said. "You won't be doing this every day, just up until the court case. I think your mind is elsewhere at the moment, don't you?" Lily just shrugged her shoulders, as she continued to organise Connie's files. "Those sessions with Mary will help though, won't they?"

"I guess," Lily whispered.

"And you'll be seeing me at least once a week for a check-up," Connie said, patting her on the back whilst making her way over to her desk.

"Seriously?" Lily frowned, just as the door opened and Gem walked in. "Easedropping, were we?" Lily said, flicking her head towards Gem. "You can't get enough, can you?"

"How do you spell attitude?" She questioned Lily.

"A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E," Lily spelt out with her. "I thought I'd already taught you that. Why do you want to know?"

"Iain said that I needed a better one," Gem said, shrugging her shoulders and not looking in the least bit bothered. "Are you busy? I was wondering if you wanted to take a walk or something, you could maybe teach me some new words."

"I don't think that's a good idea, Gemma," Connie sighed from the desk. "We're trying to get Lily away from any kind of stress."

"It's Gem!" Gem shouted at her. "And shouldn't we let Lily decide? I just thought that she might like a break away from this stuffy office."

"I'll be okay, Mrs Beauchamp," Lily told the clinical lead. "I want a walk."

"Not far, please," Connie sighed heavily, and got back to her paperwork.

Lily shut the drawer that she was putting the files in, and walked through the open door that Gem was holding open.

"Gemma," Connie called to the teen, before she could leave. "Look after her," she added, knowing how much of a bad day Lily had had already, even though they weren't even through half of the day yet.

* * *

"How did the appointment go?" Gem asked.

She and Lily sat at a bench outside the ED. Well, Lily was sat on the seat at the bench with a bottle of water and Gem was sat on the table, cross legged. She'd almost asked Lily to grab some lunch, but quickly remembered before the words escaped her mouth.

"Not great," Lily whispered, taking a huge swig from the bottle. "She's booked me off work for four weeks."

"I'm sorry," Gem said. "I know that's probably hard for you. When's the hearing?"

"I don't know," Lily replied. "It could take between four to eight weeks for them to come up with a date. Archie's being held in prison until then though so I guess I shouldn't complain."

"Why do you cut, Lily?" Gem asked. "I'm sorry if...If I sound insensitive."

"You don't," Lily said. "You're just doing what most doctors and counsellors have asked me. You'd be good in the medical profession, you know?"

"Yeah," Gem scoffed, a small smile on her face. "If I was clever enough. I'm totally thick though."

"You're not thick," Lily said, shaking her head at the young girl. "And I don't know why I cut. I guess it distracts me from everything that's going on in my life, it gets rid of all the pain that I'm feeling, and in a weird way it just makes me feel better."

Gem nodded faintly, looking down at the notebook that sat in her lap. She so badly wanted Lily to teach her again but she didn't want to stress her out too much.

"That's the same reasons as me to be honest," Gem sighed. "I thought I was crazy. It seems nice, hearing it from someone else."

"What do you mean?" Lily squinted her eyes at her.

"I used to cut myself, ages ago when I was in school," Gem confessed. "That's why I never went. I was too scared that the teachers would find out and call Mum or something."

"Does Iain know?" Lily whispered.

"No." Gem shook her head. "I never told him."

"Then I won't say anything," Lily said. "Not if you don't want me to. I know what it's like, and believe me, I wish that I was still keeping it a secret. I wish that people didn't know what I was doing to myself. Serves me right for throwing up in the bathroom of the ED though, right? I should have tried to hide it better."

"But I think you did that on purpose," Gem said.

"I just felt the need to," Lily said in a quiet voice. "It...It's like an addiction."

"No." Gem shook her head and leaned forwards. "I think you could have gone somewhere else, or even better, you could have controlled yourself. But you threw up in the bathroom of the ED hoping that someone would walk in and find you. I think you secretly wanted help Lily, you were just scared to admit it and that seemed like the only way in getting it."

Lily smiled and had another sip of her drink, before hanging her head. She placed the bottle on the table beside Gem, stuffed her hands into her pockets and turned to address her.

"You're not that thick, you know?" Lily said. "You just proved it." She turned towards Gem and said, "what did you need help with anyway?"

"Really?" Gem's eyes widened and Lily nodded, reaching out and grabbing the book from her lap. "I'm still getting my e's the wrong way round. I don't know why I find it so bloody hard."

"Don't worry about it," Lily whispered, as she scanned over the work that Gem had done. "This is actually really good."

"Really?" Gem frowned at her. "Are you sure you're not just being like Iain, and praising me even though it's crap?"

"My teaching skills are totally different," Lily laughed. "I wouldn't do that."

Gem nodded and sat in silence whilst Lily looked through the book. She felt sorry for her; she may not have known a lot about eating disorders but she knew about cutting and she knew what it was like to feel totally crap about yourself. She was about to speak when Iain strolled over to them both, hands in the pockets of his paramedic uniform.

"How are my two best girls?" He asked, taking a seat beside Lily and giving her a hug. "How did your appointment go?"

"Okay." Lily shrugged her shoulders, and looked up from Gem's book. "I was just telling Gem that I've been booked off for four weeks. In the meantime, I have to have counselling sessions with Mary and I'll be having regular hospital appointments as well."

"That doesn't seem so bad," Iain said.

"I just don't want to be having counselling," Lily muttered.

"You'll be fine," Iain said. "The break might be nice, and you can stay with me and Gem for as long as you like."

Lily managed a small smile and tried to hold back her tears, as she whispered, "thank you."

* * *

"I just don't understand Bulimia," Cal said, as everyone worked hard to discharge the patients. "Anorexia, I get, because they're refusing to eat in order to lose weight. With Bulimia though, you're basically eating."

"It's more of a control thing," Ethan informed his brother. "Usually, people with bulimia feel as if eating is the only control that they have. They have low self esteem, or depression, and feel as if they need to lose weight."

"But you're eating," Cal said. "Am I not correct in saying that?"

"Not properly though," Ethan sighed. "It's hard to explain Cal, but Lily...She'll be missing regular meals until she feels absolutely starving, then she'll binge but will feel completely guilty afterwards which is when she'll throw up. She'll just be stuck in this routine now or binging and purging, it must be horrible for her."

"I wish I could say that she could help it," Cal whispered.

"That's the thing," Ethan said. "She can't."

"Doctor Knight, Doctor Hardy!" Connie called, strolling over to them. "Could we stop discussing our colleague's personal life and get back to work please?"

"Mrs Beauchamp?" Cal asked. "Lily, she's getting help isn't she?"

"Of course," Connie replied. "We really need to get her eating properly again, and that is what we're doing. It'll take time, but we'll manage. Now, back to work please." And with that, Connie walked off.

"I always knew there was something off with Archie," Ethan said. "Look at the state that Lily is in because of him."

"But he's going to go to prison, right?" Cal said. "They can't let him off after what he's done to her."

"Who knows?" Ethan shrugged. "You never know what's going to happen in court, right? And honestly, I think that's what Lily's worrying about the most."

 **I will be writing the court chapter soon but I did some research and it takes a while for them to get a date apparently, hence why it's taking a long time to post. I don't want it to be rushed and unrealistic.**

 **I hope you enjoyed the update x**


	29. Chapter 29

Chapter Twenty-Nine

Lily stepped out into the cold air, and glanced up at the night sky above her. Her hair had been tied back in a ponytail, she wore glasses instead of contact lenses, she was wearing a zip up jacket and a pair of jogging bottoms, and she'd slipped her trainers on as well. She was all dressed up for a run and reasons for going at four o'clock in the morning was so that Iain and Gem never found out.

She lifted her leg up and grabbed her ankle from behind to stretch out first. She gripped the wall that was in front of her and did a few lunges and after sticking her earphones in and selecting one of her favourite songs, she was on her way.

A week had passed and they'd received a date for the hearing.

Tuesday the 18th April.

Lily was terrified and with the amount of sleepless nights she was having, she thought that a run might be a good distraction for her. Also, running was a great way to burn calories and there was still a small bit of weight that she needed to lose.

She didn't see the problem in exercising. Iain clearly did though, as he was stood outside waiting for her when she returned back.

"What are you doing?" Iain asked, shoving her inside. "It's almost half past six in the morning. What time did you get up?"

"Four," Lily mumbled, shrugging her shoulders.

"You've done a two hour run?" Iain asked her. When Lily didn't answer, he shook his head and stormed into the kitchen. "You're staying here so that I can keep an eye on you," he reminded her.

"What's the big deal?" Lily asked, following him into the kitchen. "I went for a run, I needed to get out Iain."

"At that hour?" Iain asked, grabbing a bowl and a box of cereal from the cupboard. "Mrs Beauchamp gave me strict instructions to look after you because we know how much you're struggling with this hearing."

"I'm not struggling!" Lily shouted. "I went for a run!"

"It's in three weeks, Lily!" Iain yelled, teeth clenched. "You're going to be nervous!"

"I went for a run," Lily repeated herself slowly.

"Why?" Iain asked. "You've never gone for early morning runs before, so why now Lily? Look, I am trying to be patient and understanding here but this obsession to lose weight needs to stop."

"Stop getting at me!" Lily yelled. "I go for one run because I need to clear my head, and suddenly YOU turn into The Incredible Hulk."

Iain slammed the box of cereal down onto the table, causing Lily to flinch, and said, "you're eating breakfast this morning."

"What?" Lily asked, a firm scowl on her face. "Iain, no." She shook her head desperately, tears pricking her eyes. "Please don't."

"Sit down," Iain said, pulling out a chair and gesturing to it. "I'm going to go and wake Gem."

He placed his hands on her shoulders and pushed her down into the chair, before strolling off to Gem's bedroom. Lily scanned the table, taking in the items that were on there. There was a bowl of fruit, the box of cereal, a few bowls and a carton of milk. She jumped, as she suddenly heard Gem shouting at her brother, and the two of them entered the kitchen.

Gem was still in her pyjamas and she didn't look at all pleased to have been woken. To be fair it had gone six thirty and Gem needed to be up and dressed in order to start her shift at the ED. Lily knew that she wasn't a morning person though and whenever there was an opportunity for a lay in, she'd taken it.

"What the hell are you wearing?" Gem chuckled to herself and eyed Lily up and down, taking in the sweats and the hoodie that she was wearing.

"Cereal?" Iain offered, as Gem sat down opposite Lily.

"Is she joining us?" Gem asked, confused and also concerned.

"Yes, she is," Iain said, sitting beside his sister. "And she's going to eat breakfast with us."

"No, I'm not," Lily refused. "You can't do this, Iain."

"Bro, maybe we shouldn't force someone with an eating disorder to eat," Gem said. "I may not be a doctor but even I know that..."

"I don't have an eating disorder!" Lily interrupted, running her hands down her face.

"Good," Iain said, tipping some cereal into his bowl. "Then you'll have no trouble with breakfast then, will you?" He poured the milk onto his cereal, and Lily slowly stood up, her fingers gripping anxiously around the edge of the table. "Where are you going?" He asked.

"Bathroom," she whispered hesitantly.

"No you're not," Iain said, pointing to her chair. "Sit back down."

Tears stung Lily's eyes and she slowly sat herself back down in the chair. Iain took a bowl and the box of cereal and poured her some, trying to be kind by leaving the milk out. He placed the bowl of dry cereal down in front of Lily but she just stared at it with scared eyes.

"Since when have you had trouble standing up to people, Lils?" Gem asked, before turning and addressing her brother. "You can't force her to eat. This isn't exactly sympathetic, don't you need sympathy as a paramedic?"

"Shut up, Gemma," Iain whispered.

"Gem!" Gem was quick to correct him.

"Lily, try and eat something yeah?" Iain said, in a much more gentle tone than before. "You'll never get better if you don't try."

"I'm not hungry," Lily whispered, giving a small shrug of the shoulders.

Her stomach growled but she kept her arms folded to try and hide the sound, hoping that neither Gem nor Iain would hear. She turned her head and bit her lip, not wanting to look as they ate their breakfast.

Iain sighed wordlessly. He'd just about had enough. He finished off his breakfast, walked over to one of the kitchen cupboards and grabbed a cereal bar, chucking it down onto the table in front of Lily.

"That isn't much at all," he told her. "And it's healthy. You can eat that instead, yeah?"

Lily anxiously picked up the bar and nodded, without looking Iain in the eyes.

"Help me with the washing up, Gem," Iain ordered, giving Gem's shoulder a comforting rub before going to run the tap.

Lily watched him, as Gem tided away the bowls and stacked them up beside the sink. She looked down at the breakfast bar in her hands and gulped, subtly stuffing it into the top of her trousers. She stood up from the table and pushed her chair in, just as Iain turned around.

"Where are you going?" He asked her once again, scared that she was off to make herself sick.

"Bedroom," she answered. "I'm going to get changed."

"Okay," Iain said, smiling faintly at her. "I'll see you in a minute."

"Sure," Lily whispered and turned to head off to the bedroom.

As she entered Gem's bedroom, she heard Gem tell Iain off for forcing her to eat. She appreciated the effort but she could have handled it on her own. She quietly shut the door behind her and tip-toed over to the campbed, kneeling on the floor. She pulled a black bin bag out from underneath it, removed the breakfast bar from her pocket, and threw it into the bag. Taking a deep breath, she looked at the other food that she'd hidden in there and she suddenly felt sick to the stomach.

"Lily!" There was a knock on the door from Iain. "Are you in there?"

"Um...Just a bit," Lily called quickly closing the bag and shoving it back under the campbed before sitting down on the duvet. "Come in."

The door opened and Iain stepped in, surprised to see that she was still in her running clothes. He didn't mention it though and leaned against the doorframe with his arms folded across his chest.

"Are you okay?" He asked, and she nodded in response. "I'm sorry, Lils. I um...I shouldn't have forced you to eat anything, I just hate seeing you do this to yourself and it upsets me. I guess I just lost it, and...I'm sorry."

"It's okay, Iain," Lily said. "I'm fine."

He frowned and asked, "did you eat that breakfast bar I gave you though?"

"Um...Yeah," Lily lied quickly. "I...I did. Thank you."

"That's progress," Iain said, trying not to sound too patronising. "Well done, you should be proud. Listen, I...I wanted to talk to you about this hearing."

"Iain, I'd rather not," Lily said, pretending to rummage through a pile of clothes so that Iain would think she was busy and leave.

"I know you're scared, yeah?" Iain said. "But you'll be okay. When are you due to be back at work?"

"Like a week before it," Lily said. "But Mrs Beauchamp did say that there was some possibility of having another week off. It'll just be one more week, and that way I can get court out of the way and go back to work afterwards."

"Might not be a bad idea," Iain said. "And look, I...I was wondering if you wanted me to come along for a bit of moral support. It might do you some good."

Lily nodded and managed a small smile, before saying, "I'd like that. Thank you."

"Anytime," he said.

"Could you go now?" Lily asked him. "It's just, I'd really like to finish getting changed."

"Sure thing," he promised. "And Lily, my feelings for you will never change and you do realise that right? I'm sorry if I came across as angry or harsh but the truth is, I really do care about you. I don't want you to forget that."

"Don't worry, Iain," Lily sighed, her thoughts on the bag of food under her bed. "I know."

 **I quite liked writing this chapter. Thanks for reading and I hope you're still enjoying it so far. A few more chapters before the court case :-) x**


	30. Chapter 30

**Ltfl: I think so. He doesn't understand but is also worried about Lily. Thank you, I love Gem's character and I love her scenes with Lily so I really hope she stays. I find her quite easy to write for to be honest and I do it. She'll feature quite heavily in this story :-)**

 **Dancingwithmyshadow6: Me too and let's hope so. Thanks for reviewing :-)**

 **Sally b: There will be a point where you think she's getting better, but something happens. I won't give too much away. Iain and Lily will get together soon though, and it starts with this chapter. Thank you and enjoy :-)**

Chapter Thirty

"How's Lily doing?" Jez asked Iain the next morning.

The two of them were taking a small break and whilst they were having that break, they were playing basketball in the ambulance bay. Jez didn't seem to care but Iain was secretly praying that Connie wouldn't walk in on them, or they'd both be toast.

"Not great," Iain replied, as honestly as he good, leaping up to make a basket. "But she's seeing Mary today so that should be good. It's her first session so I think Mary is coming to the ED so Lily can chat to her in a place where she feels most comfortable."

"They can't keep bending over backwards for her though, can they?" Jez said, snatching the ball away from Iain.

"They're not," Iain said, immediately snatching it back. "It's just for the first session. Besides, Mrs Beauchamp needed to chat to Mary about her progress."

"So when does she have to go to court?" Jez asked, clearing his throat.

"April the 18th," Iain said. "And it isn't going to be easy for her so up until then, we need to be nice. I know that that must be extremely difficult for you," he joked, and chuckled to himself. "Seriously though, she's going to be feeling delicate."

"Dude, I know," Jez said. "Stop worrying."

Iain nodded and threw the ball to one side, just as Lily entered the bay. She wore her usual long brown coat and had her hands in her pockets. Her hair was down and straightened and she looked almost like her old self again.

"Hey Chuckles," Iain said. "We were just talking about you."

"Good things, I hope," Lily said, walking over and wrapping an arm around his waist for a hug.

Alarmed, Iain immediately hugged her back whilst Jez tried his best to put on his nice act for Lily's sake.

"Of course they were good things," he said.

"Jez," Iain laughed, rubbing Lily's back soothingly. "Could you give us a minute?" Jez nodded, hurried off to pick up the ball, and left the ambulance bay at once. "I thought you had an appointment with Mary today," Iain said to Lily.

"I do, but it isn't until later," Lily said. "I just wanted to see you first. Sorry."

"Don't apologise," Iain said, shaking his head at her. "I'm glad that you have come to see me." He looked down at her when she didn't say anything and said, "Lils. Are you sure things are okay? You're not nervous about this appointment, are you? Things will be fine, and Mary is really nice isn't she?"

"Yeah she is," Lily said, smiling up at him, as he continued to rub her back.

"You okay?" Iain asked, as she just continued to stare at him.

Lily smiled and leaned up, slowly pressing her lips against his. Iain stayed fixated to the spot, his arm around her still. He didn't pull away, and he didn't complain, but instead just waited until Lily had pulled away.

"Sorry," she whispered softly, gripping onto the ends of his jacket.

"No, stop apologising alright?" He said, holding a hand up to her. "What was that all about?"

"I've been thinking," Lily said, her voice still soft and quiet.

"Sit down," Iain said, gesturing towards the ambulance. He sat on the edge with his legs dangling, and Lily perched next to him with her hands still in her pockets. "What have you been thinking about then?"

"You," Lily said, a small smile on her face. "I know I freaked out before so, this probably seems extremely hypocritical right now. I don't want Archie to ruin my life though." Iain nodded at her, staying silent so that she could continue. "All I've ever wanted is a happy relationship and I still want that. I don't want to live in fear all my life and never getting the happy ending, just because of one man."

"It won't be forever, Lily," Iain said.

"Maybe not," she sighed. "But if I don't start dating now, then it may never happen. It's like learning to drive, right? Sure you're scared but if you let the fear get in the way, then you'll never do it."

"I don't think you can compare an abusive relationship to learning to drive," Iain said, suddenly realising what he'd said. "Sorry."

"It's fine." Lily shook her head at him. "You can say the word abuse, you know? The world isn't going to end."

"So what do you want to do then?" Iain asked. "Are you saying that you'd like to give you and I a go?"

"I think so," Lily said, turning to give him a smile. She removed her hands from her pockets and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. "You've been so good to me, even before you knew what was going on with Archie. You took me out, you gave me a lift home, and now you've allowed me to stay with you and Gem. You've even offered to go to court with me." She sighed and added, "I...I like you, Iain."

Iain smiled back and gently slid his hand into hers. "I like you too, Chuckles," he said. "A lot. I know you're still scared but I'm not going to hurt you. You know that, right?"

"My heart's telling me that," Lily said. "But my brain tells me differently."

"Then I'm going to have to prove it," Iain said. "Let me take you out this weekend. We can get started by going on a proper date."

"I'd like that." Lily nodded at him, as he wrapped an arm around her and kissed her cheek.

"We better get you back inside," Iain said, glancing at his watch. "Because Mary will be here soon. You okay?"

"Yeah," Lily said, resting her head against Iain's shoulder. "You always seem to make me feel better."

* * *

Connie allowed Mary and Lily to take her office, whilst she helped out in resus. A few of the staff had been complaining about being a doctor down, especially when they were so busy, but Connie didn't mind. She knew that Lily desperately needed the sessions, and the time away from work as well.

"So, how have you been?" Mary asked, as she sat in Connie's chair whilst Lily took the sofa.

Lily just shrugged her shoulders, her eyes on the closed office door. She thought that she'd be able to do it, sit through a whole session, but she was starting to feel anxious already and they hadn't even been talking for ten minutes yet.

"Lily. Are you okay?" Mary asked, obviously sensing how uncomfortable she felt.

"I just...I can't breathe," Lily whispered, running a hand through her hair.

Mary looked across at the door and sighed, before turning back to address Lily.

"Would it help if we kept the door open?" She asked.

Lily was stunned to hear her asking that. Usually people didn't bother asking what she wanted, and it caught her off guard a bit. She managed a small smile and nodded, as Mary stood up and went to open the door.

"Is that better?" She asked, and Lily nodded. "Good. I imagine being in quite a small room panics you a little bit. Am I right?"

"I...I don't know why," Lily whispered. "I was fine in here the other day, with Mrs Beauchamp. I couldn't handle Ben's office though."

"Counselling can be nervewracking," Mary mentioned. "And the fact that you're in here with the door shut, scared, probably makes it even worse. Did this boyfriend of yours ever shut you in a room by yourself?"

"No," Lily whispered, shaking her head, and picking anxiously at her nails. "Well, I spent a lot of time in my room. He used to invite himself over, but he'd make me stay in my room whilst he watched TV." Tears pricked her eyes and she said, "he never seemed bothered about spending time with me, but then he wouldn't let me spend time with anyone else either. I just felt constantly lonely."

"You're doing well," Mary encouraged her. "I just need you to complete one of my mood sheets."

"One of your what?" Lily frowned, as Mary handed her a sheet with lots of different emotions on. "I'm not five," she said.

"I know," Mary laughed. "Believe me, these are not for my child patients. They're for the adults, it's just so I can help get an understanding on how you feel in your everyday life."

"Sure," Lily sighed, as Mary handed her a pen from Connie's desk. "Thank you."

As she began to complete the form, Connie popped her head in whilst on her way to the entrance of the ED.

"Is everything okay?" She asked, wondering why the door was wide open during Lily's session.

"Lily just wanted the door open," Mary informed her. "Things are fine."

"If you're sure," Connie said. "Come and see me afterwards Mary, and we can chat."

Mary nodded, just as Connie disappeared out of sight. She turned back to Lily and asked, "are you okay with that?"

Lily just nodded in response, continuing to complete the form that had been handed to her. Mary sat and watched her. No matter how hard it would be or how long it would take, she was determined to help Lily.

 **I hope you enjoyed it. You'll see Lily and Iain's date in the next chapter :-) x**


	31. Chapter 31

**Ltfl: Thank you. I have experience in counselling so I'm usually quite confident with writing those scenes.**

 **Dancingwithmyshadow6: Me too. I wanted to have a slow build up, just like in the show. It made sense. Now that they're finally going on a date, they'll be loads of cute scenes to come.**

 **Sally b: Not just yet. Eating disorders take ages to overcome, sometimes even years. It won't be that realistic if she suddenly starts eating again.**

 **A: I hope you like this chapter. It's pretty cute :-)**

Chapter Thirty-One

"What do you mean I have to stay here by myself?"

Gem was more than annoyed when she found out that Iain and Lily were leaving her for the day. Iain had decided to take Lily on a trip to the seaside; the weather was nice and he knew that another lunch date wasn't possible.

"Exactly what I said," Iain said, chucking a backpack into the boot of his car. "You're not a kid anymore, Gemma."

"Gem!" Gem immediately corrected him in a snappy tone that just made Iain laugh. "What am I supposed to do when I get home from work though?"

"You'll think of something," Iain chuckled. "Lily and I aren't going to be late back anyway. We can't exactly invite you along though, this is a date."

"So?" Gem shrugged her shoulders.

"Well firstly you have to work," Iain said. "Secondly, I don't know any man who would willingly take his little sister out on a date. You'll be fine, Gem. Lily really needs this break though, okay? Let's give it to her."

"Well, what are you going to do about lunch?" Gem asked. "You need to eat. You can't starve yourself just because Lily freaks out at food."

"I'll think of something," Iain said, just as Lily arrived dressed in smart but casual clothing for the day-out. "You look nice," Iain complimented, planting a quick kiss on her cheek. "Get in the car, yeah? I just need to say goodbye to Gem."

Lily nodded and waved at Gem, before climbing into the passenger seat of the car.

"Be good," Iain told his sister. "Have a good day at work, and try not to burn my place down. I'll be making you pay for any damages."

"Got it, bro," Gem laughed and rolled her eyes. "Just go. Leave me and have a good day, yeah? I guess I'll see you both later."

Iain nodded and playfully slapped her cheek, before climbing in behind the wheel. He smiled across at Lily and turned on the engine, before taking the handbrake off and pulling away. Gem waved to them before making her way back inside, feeling miserable because she had to go to work whilst they were off having fun.

"Are you excited?" He asked.

"I haven't been to the seaside in ages," Lily said, as she scrolled through her mobile phone, beaming happily to herself the entire time. "What time do you think we'll get there?"

"It should take a couple of hours," Iain said. "Hence the early start."

"Did you just use the word hence?" Lily frowned at him and tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear. "I've taught you well."

"You have," Iain laughed, indicating to turn right. "You're a bad influence." Lily laughed to herself and stuffed her phone into her pocket, before glancing out of the window. "So plans for today then; a walk on the beach, browse around the shops, relaxing on the beach."

"What about lunch?" Lily whispered, as Iain chewed down hard on his lip. "You don't have to skip lunch just because of me, Iain. I'm not going to eat but I'm not going to stop you. You don't need to feel awkward in front of me."

Iain sighed and nodded, before asking, "how did your appointment go with Mary anyway?"

"It was good," Lily replied. "I'm seeing her again in a couple of days, this time at her house. I'm a bit nervous."

"You'll be okay," Iain told her. "I know you will be."

* * *

"I used to come here loads as a child," Lily said, linking arms with Iain as the two of them strolled along the sand. "My parents would pack a picnic and the three of us would sit on the beach, and my dad would help me make a sandcastle. It was the perfect family picture."

"Your parents did that?" Iain asked.

"When I was really little," Lily said. "Once I grew older, schoolwork became more important to them and we didn't do the days outs anymore. I miss it, you know?"

"Understandable," Iain sighed, as she rested her head against his shoulder. "My mum never did stuff like that. She was too busy drinking. Dad was in prison and Granddad was just too old to take us places, so we usually went to his house and played card games."

"Families suck, right?" Lily said.

"Nah, Granddad was the best," Iain said. "He just couldn't do much, bless him. He was the closest thing to a parent that we ever had."

They stopped walking and just stared out to sea, listening as dogs barked and children squealed with delight. It was a beautiful sight and both of them wished that they could go back to childhood, back to when times were easier.

"Does your mum know about Archie?" He questioned her.

"No," Lily whispered, shaking her head against him. "And I don't want her to."

"Sorry," he apologised, stroking at her hair lovingly. "Hey. Why don't I make you a sandcastle? I may not have been to the seaside much in my life, but my sandcastle making skills are brilliant."

"Are you sure about that?" Lily giggled, as they found an empty spot away from the bustle and the noise. "You seem pretty sure of yourself. Besides, you have no bucket or spade."

"Who needs those?" Iain scoffed, making himself comfortable. "I have talent, I have skills, I can just close my eyes and a sandcastle will appear."

"You're ridiculous," Lily mumbled and rolled her eyes, before sitting down beside him. "Iain. Thank you."

"What for?" Iain asked, his eyes fixated on the sand as he tried but failed miserably, to build a perfect sandcastle.

"For not treating me any differently," she whispered, shrugging her shoulders at him. "You're treating me normally, and not differently, and I like that. Thank you." Iain smiled and nodded at her, lifting his head so that they were locking eyes. "Um...Can...Can I kiss you again?" She asked.

"You don't have to ask," Iain said.

"I feel as if I do," Lily said shyly. "If I ever did anything without Archie's permission, I'd soon be sorry."

"I'm not Archie though," Iain said. "He will go to prison, okay? I promise you. No one's going to let him get away with what he did do to you." Lily gave him a thankful smile, wanting to believe him so badly. She struggled with it though. "I am going to treat you right, Lily. I...I want you to be my girlfriend."

"Really?" Lily frowned. "I'm not used to guys liking me."

"Then you better get used to it," he said, with a smirk. "Hey, beautiful? Now come on, where's my kiss?"

Lily leaned in and shyly and awkwardly kissed him on the lips, a mixture of fear and happiness building up inside of her. Iain sensed that she was uncomfortable and gave her a comforting hug, letting her know that it was okay.

"Come on," Lily said, wiping a small tear away. "Let's make a sandcastle."

 **A nice cute chapter there. I hope it was okay and that you enjoyed it. I'm really pleased with this story. I've got loads more chapters planned and I managed to read 31 chapters and over 50,000 words as well so I'm happy :-) x**


	32. Chapter 32

**Dancingwithmyshadow6: Thank you :-)**

 **Ltfl: I like writing cute scenes.**

 **Sally b: Thank you, I'm glad you enjoyed it.**

Chapter Thirty-Two

It was later that day and Lily had already gone to bed, so Gem and Iain decided to start on the new series of Pretty Little Liars together. They'd ordered an indian and had already changed into their pyjamas, and Gem was secretly pleased to have an evening alone with her brother.

"So," Gem went to speak, whilst biting into a poppadom. "Are you and Lily an item then?"

Iain shrugged his shoulders and said, "yeah, I guess you could say that. Is that a problem?"

"No." Gem shook her head. "I like Lily, and you deserve a girlfriend. It's going to be hard though, you know?"

"What do you mean?" Iain frowned at his sister in confusion, his mouth full of food.

"Well, you could call her the most beautiful woman in the world and she won't believe you," Gem began. "She starves herself, Iain, and she cuts. Her self esteem is extremely low and have you not thought about the affect that it would have on you? You're basically her carer."

"I am not her carer," Iain said, smiling to himself. "You're being dramatic."

"And don't forget the fact that her last relationship didn't exactly end well," Gem said. "She's not used to romantic dates, kissing, spending time with someone who actually compliments her."

"Gem, I don't mind," Iain said. "I love Lily and we both had an amazing time today. She was different, you know? She smiled, she laughed, and it was lovely."

"She's not going to get better just like that," Gem said. "It'll take time."

"I know that," Iain sighed. "I'm not expecting it to be a two day job. I want to help her get better, I love her."

Gem smiled at him, and put down her fork. "You're such an amazing guy," she complimented her brother. "I'm lucky, and so is Lily."

"Thanks, Gem," Iain said.

He and his sister may have had arguments and there may have been times when she annoyed the pants off of him, but he loved her. He was pleased to have her back in his life and he never wanted to let her go again.

The two of them continued to eat, both of them wondering what on earth was going on in Pretty Little Liars. They'd been so engrossed in conversation that neither of them had really been listening to the show. They heard the sound of Gem's bedroom door click open and the sound of vomiting soon followed.

"She hasn't even been in the kitchen," Iain whispered to his sister, concern filling him.

"Did she eat today?" Gem questioned him.

"No," he sighed, shaking his head. "I had fish and chips for lunch. She had a bottle of water." He glanced across at the bathroom and said, "I'm going to go and see if she's okay."

"Do you want some help?" Gem offered.

"No, you carry on watching this," Iain said, standing up from the sofa. "You can tell me what happens, yeah?"

Gem nodded and gave him a sympathetic smile. "Sure," she said.

* * *

Lily had an appointment to see Connie the next morning. She wasn't looking forward to it anyway but then Iain had gone and informed Connie that she'd made herself throw up last night. She was angry at him for a short while, but she soon forgave him, she just worried about Connie's reaction.

She was just waiting for Connie to finish up in her meeting, when she strolled up to Gem in the shop. She looked bored as anything, desperately waiting for a customer to come along.

"Are you not busy?" Lily asked, shrugging her shoulders at her.

"No, and I'm bloody bored as well," Gem said, eyeing Lily up and down. "How are you anyway?"

"I am okay," Lily answered. "Tired though. Yesterday was lovely but it was a long day, and I haven't been sleeping too well."

"I know," Gem whispered. "Do you want anything anyway? A drink of something? It'll be on the house."

"No thank you," Lily said, but gave her a thankful smile anyway. "I have to go and see Mrs Beauchamp soon anyway."

"Of course," Gem said, just as a customer arrived at the desk. "Yes? Can I help you?" She asked, moving over so that she could deal with them.

Lily sighed and anxiously fiddled with her hair, before making her way over to look at the chocolate and various sweets that sat on the shelves. She gulped and her chest tightened at the sight of the food. She slowly turned and saw that Gem was busy making a coffee, whilst the woman rummaged around for the correct change in her purse. She wondered if Gem had told her that she wasn't too good at numbers. She turned back to the shelf and picked up a small Dairy Milk bar, dropping it into the pocket of the trousers that she was wearing.

"Gem, I'm going to go," she said, quickly making an excuse to get away. "Mrs Beauchamp will be wondering where I am."

"Okay, sure," Gem said. "I'll see you later."

Connie was already waiting for Lily in a cubicle. Lily stuffed her hands into her pockets and walked in. Connie gestured to the bed and she hauled herself up onto it, her fingers grasped around the Dairy Milk that remained in her pocket.

"So Iain told me," Connie said, without looking Lily in the eyes. "I thought that we were past all that, especially now you've started your sessions with Mary."

"I can't help it," Lily whispered. "And he didn't have to tell you anyway."

"I think he did actually," Connie said. "You're staying with him for the time being, and he cares a lot about you."

"He took me to the seaside yesterday," Lily said, as Connie carefully began to examine her.

"Oh yeah?" Connie asked. "What was that in aid of?"

"We're kind of together now," Lily said. "I feel sorry for him, having to put up with a mental case like me."

"Don't talk about yourself like that," Connie said. "You are by no means mental. What do you mean you're together anyway?"

"We're together." Lily gave a small shrug. "We kissed, and...He asked me to be his girlfriend."

"Are you sure you're ready for that kind of thing?" Connie asked, frowning at the young doctor. "A relationship is a huge deal and if you break up, then it could have a huge affect on your self esteem. It's already as low as anything. Also, the whole thing with Archie and..."

"Iain's different," Lily interrupted her, hating the way that Archie's name sounded. "He makes me feel good."

"Okay," Connie whispered, smiling at how happy Lily seemed. "Can I check your arms please?"

Lily shook her head, falling silent quite quickly, and removing her hands from her pockets.

"Please, Lily. I need to check." Her fingers curled around Lily's wrists and Lily faintly nodded, with tears in her eyes. "Thank you," Connie said, rolling her sleeves up gently.

The sight of Lily's cuts still upset Connie greatly and when she saw a few new marks, she thought that she was going to burst into tears. She said nothing though and just examined them to make sure that they weren't infected or in need of any urgent treatment. Luckily, they weren't.

"Sorry," Lily whispered.

"Don't." Connie shook her head, and rolled her sleeves down. "Climb off of the bed for me. I just want to weigh you quickly."

"Do you have to?" Lily asked her.

"Yes, I do," Connie snapped sternly, trying not to lose her patience. "Come on. I'll be quick."

Lily sighed and sat upright, before jumping down from the bed. Just as she did, the Dairy Milk bar dropped from her pocket and landed on the floor between herself and Connie. She bit down on her lip and hung her head, hoping that Connie hadn't noticed it. The clinical lead had though and pursed her lips together, whilst bending down to retrieve it.

"What are you doing with this?" Connie asked, holding it in front of Lily's face. "Were you going to eat this?"

"No," Lily whispered, shaking her head at her.

"Lily, talk to me," Connie said.

"I...I was going to eat it eventually," Lily said.

"Were you planning on hiding it until then?" Connie asked, knowing all too well about eating disorders from her experience of being a doctor. "Where did you get it from?"

"I...I took it from the shop," Lily admitted quietly, swallowing to hold back tears. "When Gem wasn't looking."

"So you stole it?" Connie asked. "Lily, what's going on with you? I...I hoped that you were getting better."

"I am," Lily whispered.

"Come here, sweetheart," Connie said, perching on the edge of the bed beside her. "What are we going to do with you?" Lily just shrugged, wanting to cry at how nice Connie was being to her. "Is this court case worrying you?"

"Of course," Lily said.

Connie sighed and stroked at her hair. Lily just kept her head hung, too scared to make eye contact with Connie in case she started crying.

"Everything will be okay, you know?" Connie said. "I promise. Do you want a hug?"

"A hug won't make me feel better about anything," Lily said.

"Oh I don't know," Connie laughed. "They usually help, I thought."

"It's not going to make everything go away though, is it?" Lily said. "I'll still be sad, I'll still be crazy, and I'll still have to attend court."

"Why don't I give you one anyway?" Connie asked, wrapping her arms around Lily and pulling her in for a hug. "I think I ought to give this back to Gem, don't you?" She said, referring to the chocolate. "Nothing more needs to be said."

Lily nodded into Connie's blouse, tears rolling freely down her cheeks.

"Now, whatever happens in court..." Connie began. "Myself and Iain will be there."

"Do you think I'll ever get better?" Lily said. "I hate feeling like this, I really do. People think that I can help it, but I can't. I really can't."

"I know, I know," Connie calmed her. "Don't you listen to a word people say. You will get better, it may just take a little while that's all. One of these days though Lily, you will start eating again and you'd have stopped cutting and you'll forget all about that person you used to be."

 **Probably one of my favourite chapters to write. So the court chapter is next, stay tuned :-) x**


	33. Chapter 33

**Dancingwithmyshadow6: Thank you so much. I do as well. I am quite proud of it and it's very rare that I like things I write. Thank you :-)**

 **Ltfl: Thank you :-)**

Chapter Thirty-Three

Lily couldn't believe what was happening.

She sat on a bench outside, staring blankly into the distance with her hands stuffed into the pockets of her coat. She took a deep breath and reached up to wipe a few small tears from her eyes. Her knees were shaking, she felt sick, and she just wanted to get up and escape to somewhere far away. For some reason, it felt as if she'd been glued to the bench though. She couldn't move.

"Lily!"

She turned round and saw that Iain was strolling towards her, just the person she wanted to see. She gave him a forced smile and he sat down beside her, pulling her in for a comforting hug. Immediately, Lily burst into tears and buried her face in his shoulder.

"Hey, I'm not going to ask if you're okay because it's pretty clear that you're not," Iain said. "A restraining order though, Lily. That's good, it means he can't get near you."

"But he isn't going to prison, is he?" Lily sobbed. "He was found innocent, Iain. After everything that he's done to me, he's been found innocent!"

"I'm sorry," Iain whispered, rubbing small circles up and down her back.

"You should be!" She yelled, pulling away from the hug and nudging his hands away. "You lied to me, Iain."

"What?" Iain frowned at her. "What did I say?"

"You promised me that it would be okay," Lily said. "You promised, but it isn't okay is it? He should have gone to prison. I know that I was scared about that, but...He should have done, Iain."

"I know," Iain said. "But it was his first offence, they didn't think there was enough evidence. A restraining order is still good though, Lily. If he comes anywhere near you, then he will get arrested."

"What am I going to do though?" Lily asked rhetorically. "I'm going to be sat at home, sat at work, sat on one of our dates, and constantly worrying about Archie coming near me. He's going to be living his life, knowing that I told on him, trying to get to me."

"But he won't," Iain said. "Because like I said, it'll get him locked away and he knows that."

He wrapped an arm around his girlfriend and Lily weakly rested her head against his shoulder. Just as the two sat there in silence for a few minutes, they were met by an unexpected visitor.

"Seb," Iain greeted the man, who had now left the ED for personal reasons. "What are you doing here?"

"I just wanted to apologise," he said. "Lily, I...I know what a horrible man my dad is. In my opinion, he should have been locked up."

"You can't say that about your dad, Seb," Lily whispered.

"But they clearly don't know what he's like," Seb said. "I do. He's awful, Lily. Even when I was a kid, he was just horrible. You don't deserve the stuff that he did to you and I can't actually believe it."

Lily just gave a small shrug, continuing to lean against her boyfriend.

"I just wanted you to know," Seb said. "And I won't be speaking to my father ever again."

He waited for Lily to reply, but she never did. Shooting a small smile across at Iain, he sighed wordlessly and walked away, secretly hoping that Lily would shout after him. She never did.

"What's everyone at work going to think?" Lily asked quietly. "I'm such a failure."

"No you're not," Iain said, kissing her temple. "You're not a failure at all. I was really proud of you in there."

"Really?" Lily met eyes with him, and he slowly wiped away one of her tears.

"You did extremely well," he said. "Speaking up in court is not an easy thing to do. You told the truth, you were brave, and I think that I am a really lucky man right now. I love you."

Lily mouthed a small 'thank you' at him and he kissed her lovingly on the lips, desperately wanting to take her pain away.

* * *

"What the hell do they think they're doing?" Gem shouted at Connie, as they stood inside, allowing Iain and Lily to have their alone time. "Archie should have been guilty! Were they not listening or something?"

"Gemma, calm down," Connie whispered.

"It's Gem!" Gem corrected her and ran her hands through her hair. "Lily's never going to get better now," she said, her tone softening slightly.

"What do you mean?" Connie asked.

"Think about it," Gem scoffed. "If Archie was in prison, Lily would have nothing to worry about. Now he's out there, wandering the streets freely, and knowing that bit of information is going to make her feel way worse."

"We'll make sure that she doesn't," Connie said. "That's what the counselling sessions are for. Besides, Archie won't be allowed near her."

Gem shrugged her shoulders and took a deep breath, just as the judge exited the room. Anger and rage was soon to build up inside of her when she saw him, and she suddenly couldn't stop herself.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" She yelled, storming over. "Someone has been abusing my friend, and you let them off with a restraining order and a measly warning. Do you not send people to prison anymore?"

"Excuse me, young lady?" The judge frowned at her, alarmed to be spoken to in that way.

Connie gasped and pursed her lips together, knowing that she needed to do something. And fast.

"Gemma, stop it," Connie hissed, hurrying over and pulling Gem away by the arm. "Walk away. Now."

Gem scoffed and shook her head, her eyes fixated on the judge that stood before her. "You're lucky," she muttered under her breath, before reluctantly turning and walking away with Connie.

"I know you're upset," Connie whispered, an arm around Gem's shoulder. "But lashing out at the judge isn't going to do anything. Besides, it's the jury that decide the verdict. I thought you'd know that."

"Why?" Gem snapped, nudging Connie away. "Because I just happened to be inside."

"No, I didn't mean that," Connie said, shaking her head at her. "I just thought...Never mind."

"Whatever," Gem mumbled. "Where is Lily?"

"She's just taking some time out," Connie said. "Your brother is with her, don't worry."

"I wish there was something that I could do," Gem said.

Even though Connie had said that Lily would be fine, she knew that she wouldn't. The news had crushed her, and she was bound to go downhill. She didn't want Lily to feel that way, but also she didn't want it to badly affect her brother.

"I think we all wish that," Connie said. "But unfortunately, we can't change the verdict. Right now, we just need to be there for Lily."

Still though, Gem couldn't help but worry over her brother and his girlfriend.

 **Okay so I didn't exactly write the court scene because I do find them difficult, even when I do research. I thought it was quite good starting the chapter from the aftermath though x**


	34. Chapter 34

**Ltfl: Exactly, I found that out during my research. Maybe, you'll soon find out :-)**

Chapter Thirty-Four

"Are you not going to work today?"

Iain hovered in the doorway of Gem's bedroom with his arms folded across his chest. Lily was still in bed, blanket pulled up to chin, an old stuffed toy under her head. Gem sat on her own bed, legs crossed, mobile phone in her hands. She too was concerned, and knew that she was thinking the exact same as her brother. Was Lily going back to her old ways?

"You're meant to be back this week," Iain mentioned. "You told Mrs Beauchamp that you would be."

"She doesn't have to go back if she doesn't want to," Gem said. "She clearly isn't ready. Can you blame her anyway, after what happened?"

"Gem," Iain warned her, and shook her head. "Fine, Lily," he sighed, turning his attention back towards his girlfriend. "I'll tell Mrs Beauchamp that you're not well, yeah? I have to go to work though so I'll tidy the rooms and..."

"What?" Lily frowned, sitting upright in bed. "Tidy the rooms?"

"Gem and I have a rota," Iain said. "It only seems fair for her to pull her weight if she's going to live here. It's my turn to clean the rooms out, which means it's her turn to clean the toilet."

"Yeah, I think we need to rethink this rota," Gem chuckled, her eyes fixated to her mobile.

"No chance," he laughed, disappearing to grab the vacuum cleaner before walking back into the room.

"I...I'm really tired, Iain," Lily said. "Please. Let me sleep."

"You can sleep when I've gone to work," Iain said, walking over and kissing the top of her head. "Gem's got a day off today so she can stay and look after you."

He turned the vacuum on and began to clean up the dust and dirt that covered the carpet. Lily anxiously gulped and began to scratch at her arms, as Iain vacuumed under her camp-bed. She hoped that he wouldn't notice the bag, but he soon turned it off and silence filled the room.

"What's this?" He asked, reaching under and pulling out the bag of food.

"Man alive," Gem gasped, eyes widening at the chocolate and sweets that filled the bag. "I have never seen so much chocolate."

"Lily," Iain whispered, eyes on his girlfriend. "What's this?"

"It's nothing," Lily whispered back, turning to lock eyes with him. "Honestly Iain, I...I've had that under there for ages."

"Great," Iain scoffed and glanced over his shoulder at his sister. "Did you know about this?"

"No!" Gem snapped, alarmed at his accusation. "I swear I didn't know a thing about that. Don't you think I would have told you?"

"Lily, I...I need to take this," Iain said. "Come on, you can't do this to yourself and you know it. I just care about you, and I don't want to think about you having secret midnight binge sessions in here. I'm going to get rid of this bag, okay?"

"Iain," Lily whined. "Please don't."

"Gem, can I have a word?" Iain asked his sister, completely ignoring Lily's pleads.

Gem nodded and climbed off of the bed, before following his brother out of the room. Iain chucked the bag of food onto the kitchen floor and faced his sister with his hands on his hips.

"I really need you to keep an eye on Lily today," he said quietly.

"I was going to go out though," Gem complained.

"Where?" He scoffed, folding his arms. "You don't have any friends around the area, and you're not due to be at work today. Lily hasn't been herself since the court case; she's been quiet and spending a lot of time in bed, and then I go and find this bag in the room. I don't want her to be on her own Gem, and I would feel a lot more comfortable if you stayed with her in your room."

"Fine," Gem whispered, nodding in agreement. "I'll keep an eye on her."

"Thank you," Iain said, giving his sister a hug. "I love you, okay? I'll text you on my break."

* * *

Gem was in the kitchen making herself some lunch later on. She'd spent all morning with Lily in the bedroom, and although she'd been awake she hadn't actually said anything. Gem knew that Iain had told her to stay with her, but what was she supposed to do? She needed to eat. She needed to go to the toilet. Besides, Iain hadn't even text her yet.

She picked up the cheese sandwich that she'd made and took a bite out of it. Licking her fingers, she heard a bang come from the bedroom.

"Lily!" She called, frowning to herself and placing the sandwich back on the plate. "Are you okay?"

She received no answer so left her lunch and headed back towards the bedroom.

"Lily?" She questioned, opening the door to her room.

She was shocked at the sight that she saw. Lily was lying in bed, eyes closed, one of her arms soaked in blood. She let out a loud sob and her gaze diverted to the bloody knife that had dropped onto the carpet.

"Lily!" She screamed in tears, crouching at the side of her bed. "Lily, wake up," she cried, shaking her violently. "Lily!"

Tears rolled down her cheeks and she picked up the knife with a shaking hand. She wasn't even sure where the knife had come from, had Lily been hiding it in her room this whole time? She knew what she needed to do.

"Stay with me, Lily," she said, pulling her mobile out of her pocket and frantically dialling Iain's number. "Stay with me."

She noticed that her arm was continuing to bleed and she needed to do something to stop it. She held the phone under her ear and grabbed the end of Lily's duvet, holding it over her arm.

"Come on Iain," she muttered. "Please, please pick up."

It just rang straight to voicemail.

"No!" She screamed, removing the phone from her ear. "Lily, it's Gem," she whispered. "Please wake up. God, what have you done to yourself?" She pressed the duvet harder onto Lily's wound, when an idea struck. "Please, I need you to wake up!"

Quickly, she started to dial another number and held the phone to her ear again.

"Noel!" She shouted. "It's Gem, Iain's sister. Is my brother there?"

"No, sorry Gem," Noel answered her. "He's out with Jez. Can I help?"

"Is Connie there?" She shouted louder than ever. "Please Noel! I need someone, I need Connie! Something's happened to Lily and I don't know what to do, I'm scared."

"Calm down Gem," Noel said in a calm voice. "Connie's right here. I'll pass her over."

Gem waited, tears streaming down her cheeks, until Connie's voice could be heard on the other end.

"Connie," Gem began to cry harder. "I need you. It's Lily, I...I think she's tried to kill herself. She's cut her arm, really badly, and she isn't waking up. There's blood everywhere. I don't know what to do Connie, I tried ringing Iain and he isn't answering, and please! I really need your help!"

"Okay Gemma, I need you to stay nice and calm for me," Connie said, allowing her to cry and shout. "Are you at Iain's?"

"Yes," Gem choked out.

"Okay, I am going to inform Iain and we'll bring an ambulance out to you," Connie said. "I just need you to stay with Lily, try and stem the bleeding, and keep talking to her. Iain and I will be there as soon as possible, okay?"

"Thank you," Gem cried. "Thank you so much."

She hiccuped and hung up the phone, before placing a hand on Lily's back. She sniffed and began to run her thumb over her cheek, pressing the duvet onto her wound just as Connie had instructed. She tried to remember what people had told her whenever she felt scared or worried, and the majority of them had told her to put on one of her favourite songs.

She switched to 'YouTube' on her phone and typed in 'Photograph by Ed Sheeran' and she just sat next to Lily, as the song began to play. It didn't take long to make her feel better.

"Just stay with me, Lily," she whispered. "Everything's going to be okay, I need you to be okay. I...I can't do this without you, and...And my brother, he needs you too."

Her lip wobbled and she squeezed Lily's hand, leaning down to bury her face in her shirt.

"We need you," she sobbed. "Please be okay."

* * *

"Is everything okay?" Noel questioned, as soon as Connie was off the phone to Gem. "She sounded pretty hysterical, said that something had happened with Lily." His eyes were wide and his stomach was filled with concern.

"No, things aren't okay," Connie said, handing the phone back to him. "I need to contact Iain, and I'm going to have to go."

"What's happened?" Noel asked.

Connie sighed and held back her tears, before replying, "Lily's tried to kill herself."

 **That was a really hard chapter to write but I hope it was okay. I've lost my beta reader now so grammar might be a bit off. I've had a pretty bad day I'm afraid but I really wanted to update x**


	35. Chapter 35

**Ltfl: Thank you, I just had a bad day and lost one of my best friends. I'm okay now. Same, I feel so sorry for her.**

 **Sally b: I'm glad you liked it. That's a really good idea, I may use it but I'll see where the story takes me :-)**

 **Dancingwithmyshadow6: Let's hope so. Thanks a bunch for your lovely review :-)**

Chapter Thirty-Five

Gem was relieved when Connie eventually turned up, with Iain and Jez close behind. It hadn't taken long at all, but to her it had felt like a century. Lily was still bleeding, and she hadn't woken up. In fact, she'd made no sign of movement at all. Gem stepped back, still in tears, and allowed Connie to crouch beside Lily to examine her wound. Jez was straight in there to help but Iain hovered in the doorway with his hands over his face, unable to take in what was happening.

"Her pulse is very weak," Connie whispered to Jez, and flicked her head to look at Iain. "Iain, I'm sorry but I am going to need your help here."

She received no answer though.

"Iain!" She shouted, causing everyone to flinch. "Focus! I know that it's difficult but right now, you are a paramedic."

Iain just ignored Connie and turned straight on his sister.

"I told you to look after her!" He yelled, rage building up inside of him. "I told you and you promised, and look at what has happened! What the hell were you doing, Gemma?"

"I went to make myself some lunch," Gem cried, her arms kept protectively across her chest. "I'm sorry, okay? I know I messed up but I wasn't even gone for that long."

"Messed up?" Iain got up close in Gem's face. "She tried to kill herself, Gemma! She could die!"

"Now is not the time," Connie scolded them both. "Iain, I know that you're scared but right now I need you to do your job. Lily's pulse is extremely weak and she's losing blood fast."

"Don't say that!" Iain immediately began crying, causing Gem to look shocked and panicked. She'd never once seen her brother cry, never.

"Well I'm sorry, but I have to," Connie snapped. "Do you think this is what I want to see? No, it isn't, but I'm dealing with it because I'm a doctor and Lily needs help."

Iain nodded and wiped his nose on the sleeve of his paramedic jacket. He knew that Connie was right, but having to deal with Lily when she'd gone and attempted suicide was probably going to be the most hardest thing he'd ever have to do. He shoved Gem to one side and crouched beside Connie, taking a nervous breath before speaking.

* * *

Iain stood outside resus, staring in at the amount of doctors and nurses who were trying to help Lily. He couldn't lose her, not now. He loved her and he knew that she was the woman who he wanted to spend the rest of his life with, he didn't care how she felt about herself, and he didn't care that she had a few issues around eating. He loved her and that was all that mattered.

"Iain," Gem whispered, cautiously walking up to her brother. "I...I'm sorry."

"You will be," Iain scoffed, turning and grabbing her arm before dragging her away from resus. "Lily better be okay!"

"I can't be watching her every hour of every day," Gem said. "I need to eat, I need to use the bathroom, I need my freedom Iain. I was only gone for ten minutes, just so I could make myself some lunch. Do you not think that I didn't blame myself for what happened? I do. Lily wouldn't have cut herself if I had been there."

"Exactly," Iain said.

"If Lily is this bad, then she shouldn't be living with us," Gem argued. "She should be on a psych ward, where she can get professional help!"

Gem stopped talking as soon as Iain's hand hit against her cheek. She stared at him, mouth wide open, shocked that he had actually just gone and slapped her. Tears stung her eyes, but she just stepped away from him and tried to ignore the pain.

"Gem, I...I'm sorry," he whispered, shocked at what he'd just done. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to."

"It's fine." Gem gave a small shrug and avoided eye contact with him. "I didn't mean it like that."

"Go on then," he sighed, sitting down in the nearest chair. "Tell me what you did mean. I'm listening."

"You said yourself that Lily needs to be watched," Gem said, sitting down next to him. "But we have jobs, lives of our own. She tried to kill herself Iain, and I was only making lunch at the time. Maybe she ought to be looked after by professionals, maybe hospital is the best thing for her."

"She's just going through a hard time right now," Iain said. "It's only because Archie hasn't gone to prison. She...She'll be fine in a few weeks."

"But what if she isn't?" Gem asked. "Shouldn't we at least think about this possibility, Iain?"

"It doesn't matter anyway," Iain muttered under his breath, running a hand through his hair. "She might not even make it."

"Don't say that," Gem said, giving his knee a comforting rub. "Lily's strong. She's survived so many things in the past, surely she'll survive this right?"

Iain shrugged and glanced across at his sister, sighing wordlessly to himself.

"I'm sorry," he apologised. "I shouldn't have flipped out at you like that. I was just worried, and it was horrible seeing Lily like that. I um...I guess I didn't think about how it must have been for you, you were the one who found Lily like that."

Gem just nodded her head faintly.

"How was it?" Iain asked.

"What do you think?" Gem asked. "Blood everywhere, Lily wasn't waking up, and then I saw the knife and I freaked. First thought was 'I did this to her' and I was so convinced that she was dead. Hearing Connie's voice was the best thing I'd heard all day."

"You tried to call me, didn't you?" Iain said. "I had a missed call from you on my phone."

Gem nodded and said, "you were the first person I thought of."

"I'm sorry I didn't answer," Iain said.

"Hey, let's just pray for Lily yeah?" Gem said, taking hold of her brother's hand. "I know that none of us are the religious type, none of our family are. A good prayer may help Lily pull through though."

"Connie's with her," Iain said. "I'm sure she'll help."

"She's different when she's around Lily," Gem stated. "I bet you anything that if this was any other colleague, she wouldn't have the same gentle touch that she has with Lily."

"She and Lily have a special friendship," Iain informed her. "I think Connie always saw a bit of herself in Lily. Besides, Lily is intelligent and a hard worker, and Connie likes that."

"Favouritism," Gem chuckled.

Iain nodded in agreement, just as Connie strolled over to them. They squeezed hands, terrified that she was going to report bad news, she looked serious and as if she'd been crying. To be honest, she didn't need to tell them. They already knew.

She hadn't made it.

"She's awake," Connie whispered.

"What?" Iain looked up from his hands, alarmed. "Seriously?"

"Would I lie to you about something like this?" Connie asked, sitting down beside Gem. "It took us a while, but Doctor Gardner and myself were determined to save her. She's extremely strong, and she's managed to pull through."

"Is she okay?" Gem asked, gulping to hold back tears. "Can we see her?"

"In a little while," Connie said. "She's quite tired, but I think we need to consider an alternative route for her."

"I know," Iain said. "Gem and I were talking."

"I definitely think that we need to get her put on some form of medication," Connie said. "Whether she spends some time in psych, I'm not sure yet. You both need to understand that Lily is severely unwell at the moment."

"I can't lose her," Iain said, shaking his head and sniffing.

"You won't," Gem said. "You didn't."

"Gem's right," Connie said. "We saved her once, didn't we? We can save her again."

 **I hope you liked the chapter :-) x**


	36. Chapter 36

**Ltfl: Nah, I couldn't possibly kill Lily off :-)**

 **Sally b: Thank you! You may not be pleased with this chapter then. I will do definitely :-)**

Chapter Thirty-Six

Iain stepped into the darkened room, his heart pounding from inside his chest. Connie followed him, her heels being the only sound that he could hear. He wanted to see Lily, but he was so scared. She'd just attempted suicide, Connie said that she was in a bad way, and there was nothing that he could do to take her pain away.

"Hey Chuckles," he whispered, leaning over the bed and removing the hair from her face.

She'd been crying. Her arm was bandaged and so were both of her wrists, and he could see that Lily kept curling her fingers as if she wanted to scratch.

"Come here, beautiful girlfriend," Iain said gently, giving her back a rub. "Can I have a hug?"

"Don't call me that," Lily croaked, reaching up her good arm to wrap around his neck. "You're probably going to dump me now."

Iain couldn't believe what he was hearing. Lily really thought that he was going to break up with her, just because she'd hit a rough patch. He hated the fact that she thought so little of herself, that she thought she would never make anyone happy. She was wrong. He'd been extremely happy since they'd started dating, he didn't want to lose her.

"I'm not going to break up with you, Lils," he reassured her. "I love you."

Lily gave a small shrug. A single tear escaped one of her eyes and rolled down her nose. Iain continued to rub her arm with his thumb, and leaned down to plant a kiss on her forehead.

"I just want to ask you something though," Iain said. "Were you really intending to kill yourself? Or...Or did you cut deeper than you actually wanted? What happened?"

He didn't mean to pour question after question onto Lily, but he did want to know whether she had actually attempted suicide. After all, it could have been a complete accident right?

Lily nodded her head though and sobbed, "I just wanted it all to end."

"Wanted what to end? You were doing so well," Iain said, glancing across at Connie who remained stood in the doorway.

"No I wasn't." She shook her head. "What's the point in staying alive, when Archie is out there wandering free? I'm terrified to go anywhere, Iain. I just don't want to be here anymore."

"Don't say that," Iain whispered, stroking at her hair. "I need you, and so does Gem. No one else can teach her how to read or spell like you can."

"You can easily do that," Lily cried. "I'm not needed, Iain. Gem can find someone else to help her, you can find another girlfriend, and Mrs Beauchamp can find another registrar. I...I don't need to be here."

"Lily..." Iain tried to speak.

"No!" Lily interrupted him at once. "I'm a failure. I...I even failed to kill myself."

Iain didn't know what to say. He sighed wordlessly and turned to try and read her expression. She looked extremely close to tears and like Iain, had no idea what to say. If Lily really did feel that bad, then what was stopping her from trying again?

Nothing.

"I'm going to go and contact Mary," she said quietly. "Will you be okay to stay, Iain?"

"Yeah." Iain nodded. "Of course."

Connie mouthed a small 'thank you' at him and exited the room, making sure to allow them the privacy by shutting the door on her way out.

"I'm sorry," Lily sobbed, rolling onto her back so that she was looking up at her boyfriend. "I didn't mean to scare you. I just...I just thought that dying would be better than living in fear."

"Maybe a chat with Mary will make you feel better, yeah?" Iain said. "Connie's giving her a ring, I'm sure she'll be here as soon as possible."

"She might have other patients," Lily coughed.

"Maybe," Iain sighed, shrugging his shoulders at her. "But right now, you're a priority." He smiled and placed his hands on her shoulders, before saying, "I'm really glad that you're okay."

Lily just sniffed and diverted her eyes away from him, whispering softly under her breath, "I'm not."

* * *

"Thanks for coming in, Mary," Connie said, forcing a smile, as she and Mary walked down the corridor towards Lily's room. "You know I wouldn't usually contact you so last minute. You weren't due to see anyone, were you?"

"No," Mary said. "I only had two patients today and luckily they were both this morning."

"Bless you," Connie sighed. "So I've asked you to work on your afternoon off, have I?"

"Oh no, not at all," Mary laughed, shaking her head. "I would have just been doing some paperwork, and Lily is way more important than that. How's she doing?"

"Not great," Connie answered, as honestly as she could. "She isn't saying much, and she's been crying quite a bit. Iain's staying with her for the moment because I'm in and out and I think she's enjoyed the company. It's just the type of stuff that she's said, Mary."

"I understand," Mary said, as Connie opened the door to Lily's room. "Hi Lily," Mary greeted, smiling sympathetically at her. "Mind if we have a chat?"

Lily was now sitting up in bed, picking at the bandage around her arm in an anxious manner. Iain was slouched in the chair by the bed, looking completely drained. Lily just shook her head, head hung, trying her best to avoid eye contact with anyone.

"Iain can stay," Mary said.

"I don't want to talk," Lily hissed, slowly lifting her head to meet eyes with Mary. "Leave me alone!"

"Lily," Connie warned. "Mary has taken time out of her day to come and speak with you. The least you could do is sit and listen to what she has to say, you don't have to talk but at least listen."

"I don't want to listen either!" Lily shouted, removing the duvet and immediately jumping out of bed.

"Lily, get back into bed," Connie ordered her. "Come on. This isn't helping anybody."

"You shut up!" Lily yelled, tears starting to stream down both sides of her face. "You had no right to call her anyway, just because I've had a few stupid counselling sessions with her! None of you understand."

"We do, Lily," Mary whispered gently.

"No, you don't," Lily sobbed, shaking her head in desperation. "I wanted to die. I want to be away from Archie and if he can't go to prison, then I may as well end my life. No one's getting that, apart from Iain."

"Okay," Mary said, slowly walking over and placing a hand on her shoulder to try and calm her down. "Then how about we chat, and Iain can stay just like I said."

"Get off me." Lily nudged her hand away and wiped away her tears, her whole body violently shaking. She reached out and gave Mary a hard shove, but not hard enough for her to actually hit the ground. Lily just screamed and turned to punch the wall, leaning against it and screaming out loudly in frustration.

"Lily," Iain sighed from the chair, running his hands down his face.

"Lily," Connie repeated, placing a hand on Mary's shoulder and slowly making her way over to the young doctor. "Stop lashing out. I know you're upset about what went on with Archie, and believe me so am I..."

"Why couldn't he just get locked up?" She cried hysterically, burying her face into the wall so that she didn't have to look at anyone.

Connie sighed and looked across at Mary and Iain, who both looked just as concerned.

"Why don't you come with me?" Connie asked. "I think you need a rest."

Lily looked to her with tears in her eyes and whispered, "where?"

"It'll only be for a little while," Connie said. "But right now Lily, we're all too worried that you're going to harm yourself again. You need to be in a place where we can fully assess you, where we can keep a proper eye on you."

Lily shook her head and sobbed, "no." She turned to Iain, who had started to cry himself, and said, "Iain. Please, don't let them."

"Lily," he cleared his throat. "Maybe it's for the best. I'll come and visit you, yeah? Every day."

"You're not locking me up," Lily cried. "It's Archie who needs to be locked up, not me."

"This isn't a punishment, Lily," Connie said, gently beginning to rub her back. "You need the rest."

She sighed deeply and exchanged glances with Mary, keeping a hand rested on the ridge of Lily's back. She could feel her shaking and every now and then Lily would let out a sob, pleading for them not to take her. It was so hard for Connie, but she needed to ignore her and do what she thought was best.

"Iain," she spoke in a small, choked up voice. She sounded almost scared. "Could you get Doctor Gardner for me, and tell her to give the psychiatric assessment unit a call?"

 **Not the route I wanted to go down but I was doing some research, and it kind of took me to writing this chapter. I hope you enjoyed it. The story will be coming to an end soon, but I have plenty more ideas up my sleeve.**


	37. Chapter 37

**Ltfl: Me too. If someone is at serious risk of harming themselves, then they can't exactly stay at home.**

 **Sally b: There's still loads more chapters to come, but eventually all stories have to come to an end. I don't want it to get to the point where it's dragging and becoming repetitive. I will be, yes, but it won't be until nearer the end :-)**

 **MrsWhovian: Let's hope so :-)**

 **Dancingwithmyshadow6: Thank you so much. I had the idea ever since Archie's first appearence on the show, and it's taken me a while to write. I'm really pleased with it though.**

Chapter Thirty-Seven

Lily laughed as Iain wrapped his arms around her waist and tickled her.

He was sat on the sofa in the lounge of the psych ward, his feet propped up on the coffee table between the sofa and the table. Lily was curled up next to him in a pair of jeans, converse, and her usual Holby City fleece. Her head rested in his lap, and she liked the fact that they seemed to be the only people in the room.

"Stop it!" She giggled, playfully slapping his hand away from her stomach.

"No," he chuckled, teasingly reaching out to tickle her again. "Not until you've told me how much you've missed me."

"You know I've missed you," Lily said, sitting up and wrapping her arms around his neck. "I love you," she said, leaning in to kiss him on the lips. He quickly returned the kiss, and said that he loved her back. "You've been here all morning. You can go, you know?"

"I don't want to," Iain said. "I said that I would visit and that's exactly what I'm doing."

Lily just nodded against his chest, just as Connie walked over with one of the psych doctors. Her name was Kirsten and she was the main doctor in charge; she was nice but extremely strict.

"Iain, I think you may need to leave now," Kirsten said.

"What?" Iain frowned, his arms remaining around his girlfriend. "Why?"

"Because Lily hasn't yet been down to the dining hall," Kirsten said. "And we need to try and get her to eat something."

"I'm not hungry," Lily whispered, shrugging her shoulders and leaning in further towards Iain.

"You want to get out of here, don't you?" Connie said to her, and Lily gave her quite an obvious, firm nod. "I thought so. I suggest you eat something then please, breakfast is over so you'll be the only person in there anyway. No one's going to be watching you."

"Can't I at least come with her?" Iain asked.

"Aren't you supposed to be working today?" Connie asked, folding her arms across her chest. "Iain, I know you care but Lily really needs to try and get better on her own here. You can visit her tomorrow, or you can come back this evening."

Kirsten sighed and put a hand up to Connie, before sitting on the other side of Lily.

"How long have you two been dating?" She questioned.

"Not that long to be honest," Lily mumbled.

"You seem to really love each other," she remarked, and Lily gave her a nod. "You're lucky to have such a loving, supportive boyfriend."

Lily looked across at Iain and smiled, whilst saying, "He's the best."

"I never usually allow visitors during mealtimes," Kirsten said, a small smile breaking out on her face. "But I'll make an exception this time, okay? Iain can stay, just as long as you come and try eating a little something for us."

"Come on, Chuckles," Iain sighed, standing up and helping her up from the sofa. "I don't know about you but I'm really hungry." Lily just shrugged her shoulders, feeling sick at the thought of having to eat something.

"Thank you," Connie whispered to Kirsten, as the two of them followed Lily and Iain to the dining hall.

It was the weekend and usually breakfast consisted of a fry-up, as a little treat for the patients. Lily hadn't been eating though and the staff had made a joint decision to start her off on something small until her body felt it was ready to start digesting food properly again.

Connie and Iain sat on the bench either side of Lily, whilst Kirsten brought over a plate of dry toast. She set it down in front of Lily with a glass of water, but it remained untouched.

"Come on, Lils," Iain sighed. "You promised that you'd at least try, didn't you? It's only one slice, it won't hurt."

"I just want to look nice," Lily whispered, trying her best not to look at the toast.

"We've been through this, haven't we?" Connie said. "You don't need to lose weight. Besides, toast is not going to do anything to you. Come on, you want to get better right?"

"I need the bathroom," Lily whispered, standing up from the table.

"Sit down," Connie said sternly, her and Iain both grabbing her arms to force her back into her seat. "Eat your breakfast."

Tears stung Lily's eyes and she whimpered, slowly picking up the toast with a shaking hand. She took a nervous bite and sat there, hating the feeling of the soggy bread in the back of her mouth. She wanted to spit it out, it was so hard to chew and she felt that every swallow just caused her to put on a tiny bit more weight. She felt close to bursting into tears.

"Well done, Lils," Iain praised, leaning in to give her a kiss on the cheek. "That wasn't so bad, eh?"

Lily just nodded and coughed, already feeling the need to throw up.

"Good girl," Connie said, and rubbed at her back. "Have some more for me."

Lily shook her head, holding her hands to her face, whilst trying not to cry in front of everyone. She already felt sick and horrible, and wanted more than anything to get the food out of her. It was an awful feeling, and she hated the fact that she had Connie, Iain, and Kirsten all watching her.

"I don't want anymore," she whispered, pushing the plate away from her, hands shaking. "I don't feel well."

Connie glanced up at Kirsten from the bench and sighed wordlessly. She knew that Lily wasn't able to be discharged from the ward, unless she really tried to work on herself. That included eating, without the constant desire to lose weight.

"You need to have a bit more than that, Lily," Kirsten told her. "You're not leaving this hall until that plate is empty. I've allowed Iain to sit with you but that is as far as I'll go, you need to eat."

A loud, ear piercing scream suddenly echoed throughout the hospital. Everybody jumped, and tears began to prick Lily's eyes. The scream continued, growing louder and louder, and more panicked.

"I'm going to have to deal with this," Kirsten said, with a small sigh. "I'll be right back. Are you okay here Connie, or do you need to get back to the ED?"

"No, I'm fine," Connie said.

Kirsten nodded, and left the dining hall to go and deal with whoever was kicking off.

"Lily, it's fine," Connie said. "Just try and ignore them, and carry on eating."

"Please make it stop," Lily sobbed, clamping her hands over her ears and squeezing her eyes shut. "I don't like it."

"Lily, they're dealing with it," Iain calmed her. "Just try and ignore them, okay? They're not going to hurt you."

Connie looked to Iain, and immediately felt a rush of sympathy for Lily. She soon realised why Lily was getting so scared and upset over the screaming; she thought that they were going to hurt her, just like Archie had done.

"Look at me," Iain said, gently taking hold of her arm and turning her so that she was facing him. "You're safe, okay? I know it may not seem like it but you are. Come on, don't be scared."

"I'm not," Lily sobbed.

"No," Iain chuckled, giving her a smile, and pulling her in for a hug. "Of course you're not."

* * *

"Lily is really struggling in here," Connie informed Kirsten, when the two of them had some time together that evening. Iain had gone home, the patients were asleep, and Connie was staying to help with the night shift seeing as Lily had had a bad day. "The only time she's really happy is when Iain is visiting her."

"And I think we need to limit that time," Kirsten sighed. "I allowed Iain to stay with her today but it can't carry on. You saw the state that she was in when he left here."

"They're dating," Connie mentioned, arms folded across her chest.

"I know," Kirsten said. "But Lily's a severe case. She's at serious risk of harming herself, and if we constantly allow the visitors then she's never going to get better on her own."

"I don't really like to think of one of my most promising doctors as a severe case, regarding mental health issues," Connie sighed heavily, and ran a hand through her hair. She felt exhausted. "I hate that she's here."

"I know," Kirsten sympathised, unsure of what to actually say. "Are you sure that you're okay to help tonight? Maybe you should go home and get some sleep."

"I want to help out," Connie said, looking at Kirsten with sad eyes, but managing to force a smile. "For Lily's sake."

 **I hope you're all enjoying the Easter break. I have work unfortunately, but I'm looking forward to the weekend :-) x**


	38. Chapter 38

**Dancingwithmyshadow6: Thanks, and me too :-)**

 **Sally b: Thank you! I'd love to but do you have an account on here? If so, I will PM the spoilers to you. I just don't want to give them to you in the chapter as it will spoil things for everyone else. Just let me know x**

 **Ltfl: Definitely :-)**

Chapter Thirty-Eight

Lily couldn't sleep.

She lay in bed, in a secluded, dark room and listened to the banging that could be heard in the room next door. Tears stung her eyes and she rolled over, the mattress feeling lumpy and uncomfortable.

She'd already had nightmare after nightmare, and she felt too frightened to go back to sleep.

There was the screaming again; a little earlier than usual but just as loud. She whimpered and clamped her hands over her ears, wishing that she could somehow drown out the noise. The screaming just grew louder and louder though.

"Shut up!" Lily yelled to no one in particular, throwing herself out of bed.

She stormed over to the door and turned the handle, hoping to escape from the strange noises that surrounded her. To her surprise, it was locked. She was locked in.

"What?" She whispered, tears beginning to roll down her cheeks. "No!" She shouted, banging her fist hard against the door.

She felt trapped. Her chest tightened and her breathing became heavy. The walls started to close in on her and she began to sob harder than ever, wanting desperately to escape from the fear. She didn't deserve to be locked up, there wasn't anything wrong with her. She really couldn't breathe and she felt sick, her mind focused on the food that she'd eaten earlier.

"Let me out!" Lily screamed, kicking the door and banging her head against it.

She stepped away from the door and held her hands to her face, watching as the handle slowly turned. She sniffed and wiped her tears away, just as Connie walked in, quietly shutting the door behind her before Lily could even attempt to run out.

"What are you doing here?" Lily cried.

"Working," Connie answered. "I offered to help out with the night shift. Now, what on earth do you think you're doing? You are making more noise than anyone right now."

"I need to leave," Lily gasped, sitting down on the edge of her bed. "I don't like it here. I can't breathe, what did you lock me in for?"

"Because I know what you can be like with your little midnight strolls," Connie said. "And I don't want anything to happen to you. Come on, I thought you'd be sleeping anyway. Did the screaming wake you?"

"I was awake anyway," Lily whispered. "I couldn't sleep."

"Why not?" Connie asked her.

Lily shrugged her shoulders and replied with, "bad dreams." She lifted her head so that she was making eye contact with Connie and said, "I want to go home."

"I know," Connie sympathised. "But your mental health isn't on top form right now. You'll be out before you know it, I promise. We just need to get you better first."

There was another scream and Lily flinched, pulling her knees up to her chest, and clamping her hands over her ears again. Connie wrapped her arms around her and whispered soothing and comforting things in her ear, until the screaming had finally stopped.

"I just want to get out of here," Lily cried.

"Why don't I stay in here tonight?" Connie offered. "You could do with the company."

"You don't have to do that," Lily said quietly. "I really want Iain."

"Iain will come and see you tomorrow," Connie told her. "I promise. Just try and get some sleep for me, eh? I know it's hard, but at least try. I guarantee that you'll feel a lot better in the morning."

Lily nodded faintly and asked, "promise you're not going to leave?"

"I promise," Connie said. "I said that I wouldn't, didn't I? Come on, I wouldn't lie to you."

"People have done," Lily whispered, laying back down so that she was staring up at the ceiling. She gulped and choked out, "Archie lied to me all the time. I never know when someone is telling the truth."

"I'm telling the truth," Connie said, as she felt her heart break for Lily. "Promise."

* * *

Lily was sat on the sofa, watching TV. There wasn't much on, it was just an old gameshow that she'd never watched before, and it wasn't particularly great either. She sighed and looked up at the clock to see that it was only ten o'clock. Someone soon jumped on her and kissed her cheek, and luckily she knew who it was. There was only one person who could kiss that well.

"Hey Iain," she greeted, smiling for the first time that morning, and kissing him back. "Thanks for coming."

"How are you this morning?" Iain asked, stroking her hair, just as someone else appeared at the other side of Lily. "I brought Gem with me."

"Are you feeling better?" Gem asked, sitting down on the arm of the sofa.

"Yeah," Lily sighed, resting her head against Iain's chest. "I ate breakfast this morning," she told him, actually feeling quite proud of herself.

"Really?" Iain raised his eyebrows at her, shocked but pleased. "You did? That's great, Chuckles. Well done."

"Well." Lily gave a small shrug of the shoulders. "It was only a slice of toast again."

"But you ate something," Iain said, giving her another kiss. "And that's all that matters. I love you, well done."

"Aww," Gem said, folding her arms across her knees. Iain and Lily had both forgotten that she was there, she hadn't said much. "You two are so cute together," she stated, grinning at her brother and his girlfriend.

"Where's your room?" Iain asked. "Maybe we should go there, just the two of us."

"Without me?" Gem frowned. "Hang on a minute, I'm here to visit as well."

"And we will come and see you later," Iain said. "Just entertain yourself for the time being, yeah? I want some time alone with Lily for a bit."

"So the two of you can have sex?" Gem scoffed. "Are you seriously going to do it in a room of a psych ward? Interesting but if you like it that way, then go right ahead."

"Shut up," Iain chuckled, patting Lily on the back. "Let's go. Will you be okay, little sis?"

"I'll be fine," Gem sighed. "I might just watch TV or something."

"Just tell Connie that I'm in my room," Lily said, as she stood up from the sofa. "And that Iain is with me so she doesn't have to panic." She took hold of Iain's hand and kissed him as the two of them strolled down the corridor towards Lily's room.

"Lovebirds," Gem just muttered to herself, reaching out for the remote control so that she could change the channel.

 **Quite a cute filler chapter there. Not much happened but I hope you liked it :-) x**


	39. Chapter 39

**Dancingwithmyshadow6: Thank you :-)**

 **Ltfl: It is :-)**

 **Sallyxo: Awesome! I'll send you a few PM's :-)**

Chapter Thirty-Nine

Lily started to make good progress after a while.

Eventually, she joined the other patients in the dining hall and ate with them instead of on her own. She started to talk to this other woman there called Jessica, and the two clicked straight away. Jessica had Bipolar Disorder, and Lily mentioned David to her and how he'd struggled for a while but was doing so much better because of his medication, and that got Jessica interested in Lily's career. Lily was able to answer all sorts of questions that Jessica wanted to know the answer to.

Connie worked in between the ED and the psych ward so she could be there for Lily if she needed to. Lily was soon trusted enough for them to take the lock off of her door, and she found that she started to sleep a whole lot better. Of course she still went for her regular check ups and weigh ins, and Connie was pleased to see that she was slowly gaining weight and not losing it. She was even more pleased when she checked Lily's arms and saw that there were no new cuts in place.

Iain still visited as well. When he wasn't working, he was in psych. The patients felt incredibly jealous of Lily when they saw them together, and when they saw how handsome Iain was, especially in the paramedic uniform as well. Lily liked that feeling, and she felt proud to be able to show Iain off to everyone.

It was Wednesday and Lily woke up in psych, feeling sick. She wondered if her body was reacting, fighting against the food that she'd been eating. After all, she'd been eating meals again and she hadn't had a binge session in weeks so it wasn't used to it. Groaning and clutching her stomach, she knew what she needed to do. She climbed out of bed and hurried out of her room, bumping into Kirsten on the way.

"Lily, are you okay?" She questioned, as she noticed the colour drain straight from Lily's face.

"No, I need the bathroom," Lily replied. "I feel sick."

"Oh no Lily, not this again," Kirsten sighed, hands on hips. "Come on, you have been doing so well."

"It's not what you think," Lily whimpered. "I feel like I'm going to be sick."

"Back to your room please," Kirsten said, pointing down the corridor.

Lily sighed and groaned, going to turn round. Immediately though, she fell forwards and threw up all over the floor of the corridor. She coughed and spluttered, hands on her stomach, as Kirsten placed a hand on her lower back. Her mouth hung open as Lily just wiped a bit of sick away from her mouth, feeling awful and also completely embarrassed.

"Okay, I'll get someone to clean this up," Kirsten said. "Go back to bed and stay there, please."

"I told you I felt sick," Lily coughed, holding her hands to her face.

"I know, and I'm sorry," Kirsten said. "Go back to bed."

Lily just faintly nodded, slowly dragging herself back to her room. She shut the door behind her and climbed back into her bed, covering herself with the covers. It was weird, she didn't feel hot or cold, and she wasn't aching either. She just felt sick.

She must have gone back to sleep because the next thing she knew, it was two o'clock in the afternoon and Connie was just entering her room.

"Hey Lily," she greeted, walking over and placing a hand on her forehead. "Kirsten told me that you weren't well. You okay?"

"I...I feel a bit better," she whispered, pushing the covers away and sitting up slightly. "I was sick though."

"Yes, she said," Connie sighed and perched on the edge of Lily's bed. "All over the floor apparently. Nice work."

"Thanks," Lily scoffed sarcastically.

"Stay in bed today, yeah?" Connie said. "I'll let Iain know and see if he can come back tomorrow."

"No, please don't," Lily whined. "He was really looking forward to visiting, and he said that he had something for me as well."

"Lily, if you're not well..." Connie went to speak, but Lily interrupted her.

"I feel fine now," she said.

"It isn't just that though," Connie sighed. "You could be contagious. Say if you pass this onto Iain, he could then pass it onto other staff in the ED and we cannot afford shortages right now."

"I don't think I'm contagious," Lily said. "I think you're forgetting that I'm a doctor. I feel fine."

"And I think you're forgetting that I'm a doctor," Connie laughed. "How about you come into the lounge area, have a drink, and watch some TV? Say if you still feel fine in a couple of hours, Iain can drop by this evening to see you."

"Okay," Lily agreed reluctantly. She would have rather Iain saw her that afternoon but knew that she wasn't going to change Connie's mind. "Fine."

* * *

"But you're feeling better?" Iain asked, after Lily had informed him of her earlier incident.

The two of them were sitting on her bed, Lily resting her head in his lap allowing him to stroke her hair. She loved having her hair stroked, and he loved watching the smile that she gave him when he did it.

"Loads," Lily said. "I've been eating loads better recently, thanks to the doctors and nurses on this ward, and thanks to Mrs Beauchamp I suppose. My body just isn't used to it, that's all."

"Well, I am still very proud of you," Iain said, kissing her head.

"Thank you." Lily beamed up at him. "Hey. Didn't you say that you had something for me?"

"Did I really say that?" Iain asked. "I don't remember."

"I think you did," Lily giggled. "Come on, cough it up my sparkling wit."

Iain laughed at his girlfriend and removed her head from his lap so that he could reach down and pick the gift bag up from the floor. Lily tucked the loose strands of hair behind her ears and hoped that Iain couldn't tell how greasy and messy it was; she'd had no motivation to wash it so had left it dry for the last few days now. Iain didn't seem to care though.

"What's this for anyway?" Lily asked, as Iain handed the bag to her.

"It's just a little something," Iain said, shrugging his shoulders. "To let you know how proud I am of your progress."

Lily nodded and felt herself blush a bright shade of red. She reached into the bag and pulled out a purple scrapbook with her name stuck on the front. She frowned in confusion and opened the first page. There were a couple of photos of her and Iain together and 'I love you to the moon and back' was written across the top in a black marker pen. As she flicked through the book, she saw more photos and more inspirational quotes. There was also a few blank pages for her to write whatever she wanted to.

"Iain," she whispered, tears stinging her eyes. "This is beautiful."

"It's a scrapbook of us," he told her. "But I guess it's also a journal as well, for you to write down your thoughts and feelings. If you ever feel sad or worried, you can just look at this and write whatever you need to. I thought the quotes would help as well."

"It's beautiful," she said, allowing the scrapbook to fall from her lap as she wrapped her arms around his neck. "You're literally the best boyfriend ever."

"I wouldn't go that far," he chuckled, and rolled his eyes.

"No," Lily sobbed, tears of happiness escaping from her eyes. "You are. After...After Archie, I thought that I'd never be able to be near another guy again, let alone kiss and sleep with another guy. I was terrified and I hated myself, but...You didn't care. You were always there for me, even when I was at my lowest. No guy would ever be able to put up with that. I love you so much, Iain."

"I love you too," Iain said.

"And I'm going to write in this tonight," Lily said, bending down to pick the scrapbook up. "Thank you."

"Really?" Iain asked. "How comes? I thought you were happy."

"Oh, I am," Lily said. "I'm not just going to write in it when I feel down. I'm going to write happy stuff as well, like how I have the best boyfriend in the whole entire world."

Iain smiled and leaned in to kiss her. He just couldn't get enough.

"Hey," Lily whispered. "I'm still going to get low days, you know? And I'll probably be on medication for most of my life."

"I don't care about that," Iain said. "I love you for you, Lily, and that is never going to change."

 **I loved writing this chapter :-) x**


	40. Chapter 40

**Sallyxo: Thank you. Ah of course, no worries. Yes, that is certainly a good thing :-)**

 **Ltfl: Thank you. Me too :-)**

 **Wow! I can't believe that I've reached the fortieth chapter of this story. Thank you all so much for the reads and the lovely comments. Unfortunately the story will be nearing the end but I have loads more ideas up my sleeve.**

 **Thanks again and on with the chapter x**

Chapter Forty

Lily still wasn't feeling well.

She lay in bed, the covers pulled right up to chin, a thermometer sticking out of her mouth. Connie sat on the edge of her bed whilst Iain and Gem hovered by the door. The two of them had been so disappointed when they'd come to visit Lily, and found that she'd been sick again that morning. Iain wasn't going to lie, he was rather concerned for his girlfriend.

"Well you don't have a temperature," Connie stated, removing the thermometer from Lily's mouth.

"I told you I didn't," Lily mumbled. "Could you just let me sleep?"

"No, I'd rather someone stay with you," Connie said. "I'm a bit concerned that you could be going back to your old ways, after you were doing so well too."

"I'm not," Lily whined frustratingly. "I haven't forced myself to throw up in ages, and I...I don't cut anymore. I still have urges but..."

"Urges?" Connie frowned at her. "See? Now I'm worried, Lily."

"Give me a break," Lily said, beginning to cry. She just wanted to be left alone. "It doesn't mean that I've done it. I just...I'm finding it hard to stop, but I swear I haven't harmed myself."

"Maybe you're pregnant," Gem piped up from the corner.

"Gemma," Iain hissed at his sister.

"I'm just saying, shouldn't we look at other possibilities instead of jumping to accusations," Gem said, shrugging her shoulders. "It isn't fair for Lily to get into trouble for something that she hasn't actually done. If she says she isn't harming herself, shouldn't we believe her?"

She sighed heavily and turned back to Connie.

"You don't know about their little 'get togethers' in here," she said.

"Gem, stop it," Iain threatened, teeth clenched.

"What on earth are you on about?" Connie asked her.

"These two," Gem said, gesturing from Lily to Iain. "Have been coming in here to have sex, without you or any of the other doctors knowing. Wrong, I know, especially as you're currently sitting on the bed that they've been doing it in."

"Shut up!" Iain shouted, causing everyone to jump.

Without realising, Connie grimaced and moved from the bed, looking down at Lily who just lay there in silence with her hands over her face. Gem smirked proudly to herself, but Iain just stood there shaking his head at her. He couldn't quite believe that she had just done that.

"I think we need to run some tests," was all that Connie said.

"That's it?" Lily asked, peering at Connie through the gaps in her fingers.

"Iain is your boyfriend," Connie sighed. "I can't stop what goes on in this room, can I? Neither can the rest of the staff."

"I'm not pregnant," Lily whispered, not even wanting to think about the idea.

Connie rubbed at the back of her neck anxiously and turned to where Iain and Gem were standing. She asked if they could give them a minute and whilst Gem left straight away, Iain took a little while longer but eventually followed after her.

"Okay," Connie sighed and sat back down on the edge of the bed. "So you might not be pregnant, that's fine. What if you are though?"

"I can't be," Lily said. "I don't want a baby."

"I thought you'd always wanted children," Connie said, staring at her in confusion. "You often said that you wanted a family of your own someday." Lily just gave a small shrug of the shoulders. "Lily, talk to me. Tell me what's on your mind."

"I can't even look after myself," Lily confessed in a small voice. "How will I be able to look after a child? Also..." She stopped mid-sentence.

"Also?" Connie encouraged her to finish.

"When...When you're pregnant..." Lily gulped to try and stop her tears from falling. "You have to eat, and...You gain weight. I'm not ready for that."

"Of course you'll gain weight," Connie laughed. "That's what pregnancy is all about, and yes you will need to eat to look after the baby. You've been doing so well though, Lily. Honestly, I'm really proud of you."

"I just don't know if I can do it," Lily said, wiping away a small tear. "I'm too messed up, Mrs Beauchamp."

"You are not messed up," Connie reassured her. "Trust me, I've been helping out on this ward Lily and I have seen people more messed up than you. You are nothing compared to them, okay?"

"Thanks." Lily smiled at her. "But it's true, isn't it? How can I look after a baby when I can't even look after myself?"

"You'll get there," Connie said. "And it's not like you'll be doing it on your own either. I know the weight gain is scary but you can't let that stop you from having children, because missy you are beautiful and don't need to lose weight. I'm going to keep telling you that until you believe it as well."

"You're the best," Lily laughed.

"I try," Connie said. "Come on, why don't the two of us head up to maternity and we'll see if Mr T is around to get you seen to? Iain can come as well, whatever makes you feel more comfortable."

Lily faintly nodded and said, "I want Iain."

* * *

"Are you okay?" Iain asked, as he and Lily sat on the sofa in the lounge of the psych ward.

Everyone else was at dinner but Lily and Iain had only just arrived back from maternity with Connie. Connie had gone to speak with Kirsten so Lily was allowed to skip the meal just for this one time.

"I don't know," Lily whispered, shrugging her shoulders at her boyfriend. "I'm meant to be happy, right?"

"All women react dfferently," Iain whispered back. "It depends on the circumstances."

Lily looked to him and admitted, "I don't know if I can be a mum."

"Why?" Iain cleared his throat and asked. "Because personally, I think that you would be an amazing mum." Lily didn't even answer him, she'd been told the same by Connie, and she didn't really know what to say. "You will get better, Lily."

"There's just a lot to think about," Lily said. "It's scary."

"I know, and I get that," Iain sighed, reaching out and giving her arm a comforting rub. "Being a mum though doesn't mean that you get to stop your counselling sessions, and it doesn't mean that you can stop your medication either. People aren't going to expect you to turn just like that, just because you have a baby."

"But I'll have to be responsible for a child," Lily said. "When I cut myself, when I find it hard to eat, and when I take medication and have had to spend some time on a psychiatric ward. It just won't be fair."

"Hey, Connie said that you won't be on this ward for long," Iain said. "You're doing so much better with your eating, and yes you will still have urges to cut but so far you've been doing well with that as well. You can still see Mary, if you feel like you need to."

"But what about my medication?" She asked. "I might need to come off it."

"I'd talk about that with Connie," Iain said. "But you can always go back on it when the baby's born."

"But women with depression can have a higher chance of developing post-natal depression afterwards," Lily stated.

"But you will still be going to your sessions," Iain said. "You'll get the support, Lily."

"We're making this all about me," Lily said. "This is your child as well."

"I know, but I'm not the one who will have to go through pregnancy," Iain said. "Come on, I just want to make sure that you're okay with everything before I tell you what I think."

"I would like to be a mum," Lily admitted. "And I may not get another chance for it. Honestly, I...I didn't think I'd ever be able to have children. It's been a bit of a shock."

"Why is that?" Iain asked.

"I've been damaging my body," Lily whispered. "My fault, but I always thought that it would just ruin my chances for whatever reason. I would like to be a mum, but I'm just scared."

"You're bound to be," Iain said. "Every first time mother feels that way, and you've been through a lot. This baby will be lucky to have you as a mum though, and I'm not just saying that."

"So..." Lily squinted her eyes, terrified to hear Iain's answer. "What are your thoughts?"

"Well, I'm glad that you've said that to be honest," Iain said. "I'd like to be a dad."

Lily smiled happily and said, "how you've put up with me, I do not know."

"Come here," Iain said, pulling her in for a hug. "Speak to Connie, okay? Arrange some sessions with Mary, and try and sort your medication out. It's important that you keep up the eating though, baby needs the food."

"I'll try," Lily whispered. "It's just going to be hard."

"I know, Chuckles," Iain sympathised. "But that's what I'm here for."

 **So the story will be nearing the end soon. It's reached that point, and I have a new idea I want to post when this one is completed.**


	41. Chapter 41

**Ltfl: Me too :-)**

 **Sallyxo: Good to see that you have an account on here now. It will be ending very soon I'm afraid.**

 **CasualtyFanForever81: That's okay. Thanks for reviewing and it will have to, I'm afraid.**

Chapter Forty-One

A few weeks passed and Lily was soon discharged from psych.

She was pleased but also rather scared. In psych, she'd been safe and she almost felt scared about going out into the world. Iain had reassured her that she'd be fine though and that he'd look after her and be there for her.

Her sessions with Mary were going really well and she'd been having regular appointments with Connie, mainly to make sure that she was eating and that the baby was growing properly.

"What if I relapse?" Lily asked one day, when Connie was examining her.

"Why would you?" Connie questioned her. "You're out of psych now and you're doing amazingly well."

"Parenthood can be hard," Lily said. "And so can pregnancy. What if I relapse and...What if I put my baby's life in danger?"

"That isn't going to happen, Lily," Connie said. "And if you feel like it might, then you can always talk to someone. I'd be happy to see you and so would Mary, you can always pick up the phone to talk to her."

"I guess," Lily whispered.

"Hey, Iain is going to be there for you," Connie said. "He's going to keep an eye on you and I've told him to let me know if he has any concerns."

Lily nodded, as Connie began to examine Lily's arms. There was a new wound, one that looked fresh and one that Connie had never seen before. The clinical lead sighed, wondering how on earth someone could use their arms as a chopping board, especially someone like Lily. She knew that it was a coping mechanism though and that self harm was more common than anyone ever imagined.

"When did you do this?" Connie asked, referring to the new cut.

"Yesterday," Lily admitted quietly. "I'm sorry. I was just feeling really low."

"It's okay," Connie sighed, giving her shoulder a rub. "Thank you for telling me that. You hadn't hurt yourself in a while though."

"Sorry," Lily apologised.

"It's important that you continue with these sessions, okay?" Connie said. "Not just for your health, but for your baby's as well."

"I know," Lily whispered. "I'll try."

* * *

"That's really good news, Lily," Mary said, as she sat opposite Lily.

They were in the spare room of Mary's house, the room that she called her office. It had taken a while but eventually Mary had stopped coming to Lily, and Lily had started going to see her at her house like the rest of the people who saw Mary. Mary was lovely, and Lily found that after a while she actually grew to enjoy the sessions.

"Are you excited about becoming a mum?" Mary questioned her.

"Yeah, I am actually," Lily replied. "Scared though. I...I'm still not completely better."

"But that's why you're having these sessions," Mary said, nodding at her. "How was it in psych?"

"It was okay," Lily said. "It did actually help, and I had visitors and made some new friends so it was actually okay. I kind of miss it, sounds weird I know."

"That doesn't sound weird at all," Mary said. "You were in there for a while. It was what you were used to."

"Mrs Beauchamp said that I'll be able to continue my sessions if I wanted," Lily said. "Even after the baby is born."

"Of course," Mary said. "Tell me Lily, how are you doing with your eating?"

"It's going okay, I guess," Lily whispered. "I'm worried because I...Part of me still feels as if I need to lose weight, but the baby needs to eat so I know that I have to try and put that thought to one side."

"The thoughts will always be there," Mary said. "But like you said, you just need to put them to one side and not let them take over." Lily nodded, agreeing with her. "Hey, you'll bring your son or daughter to see me won't you?"

"Of course I will," Lily laughed. "I didn't have the best childhood, and my mum didn't even know about Archie to be honest. I'm determined not to become the mum that my mum was. I want to give this baby the best childhood it could possibly have."

"And I'm sure you will," Mary said.

They spoke about the baby for most of the session. They discussed baby names and Lily told her how she and Iain had already been planning the nursery. She wanted a girl more than anything so that she could buy dresses and princess outfits, but she'd still be happy if she had a boy.

Mary gave her some tips and a book that she'd bought Lily on parenting. Lily was ever so grateful and scheduled to see Mary for the same time next week. Once again, Mary told her that she could always ring her for an earlier appointment if she needed to.

Iain was outside waiting for her when she was finished.

"Hey beautiful," he said, wrapping an arm around her neck and kissing her on the lips. "How did it go?"

"It went well," Lily answered shyly. "Mary got this book for me. It's all about parenting and first time mothers. Um...It has a small piece about prenatal and postnatal depression in there as well."

"Do you think you might need to read that?" Iain frowned at her, removing the loose strands of hair from her face so that he could see her properly.

Lily sighed and shrugged her shoulders, suddenly feeling quite awkward and uncomfortable.

"Hey, I'm not judging you here," Iain told her. "You've had a rough ride and if you feel like you might need to do a bit of reading up on depression during pregnancy, then I understand."

"I'm just concerned," Lily whispered. "I already feel like I should have maybe had an abortion. I know I...I can't though, I'd regret it too much."

"Did you talk to Mary about this?" He asked, and she nodded at him. "What did she say?"

"That a little fear was normal," Lily replied. "And that prenatal and postnatal depression could possibly happen because of...My history. I'm seeing her next week as well."

"Anything to help you, eh?" He said, kissing her cheek as the two of them began to walk. "I love you."

"I love you too," Lily said. "Thanks for putting up with me."

"How about the two of us take a shopping trip tomorrow?" He asked. "We can have lunch, look at baby things, and I may even treat you to some new jewellery or shoes or whatever it is you want."

"That sounds good," Lily said. "But would you mind if we eat at home? I just don't think I'm ready to be eating out in public just yet, it...It still panics me."

"That's fine, don't be embarrassed," Iain said, rubbing at her back comfortingly. "Whatever makes you comfortable. We'll eat at home, okay?"

Lily thanked him and nodded her head, before leaning in against him. She felt so lucky to have a boyfriend who loved her and cared for her, especially as she didn't think it would ever happen.

 **So not long to go until the end guys. I'll be sad to see this story finish but it's got to that point I'm afraid. I'm sorry about that but I don't know if I can carry the story on as it may start to drag quite a bit. I'd rather finish it at a good point x**


	42. Chapter 42

**CasualtyFanForever81: Thank you :-)**

 **Ltfl: That is true. I'll have plenty more stories to come, I hope you like them just as much as this one :-)**

Chapter Forty-Two

Iain and Lily made some lunch at home, before heading out to the local shopping centre. It was a Saturday and there was always free parking at the weekends, so they were able to stay for as long as they liked without having to worry about the cost. The only downside was that it was incredibly busy.

As they entered the centre, Iain felt Lily reach out and give his hand a tight squeeze and he sensed that she was beginning to feel anxious.

"Hey." He leaned in and kissed the side of her head. "You're safe, okay? I promise."

Lily forced a smile and nodded at him. "Thank you," she whispered.

"Come on, where shall we go first?" He asked her.

They decided to look in Selfridges first, mainly because they knew they'd manage a good couple of hours in there. It had everything from clothes to jewellery, and Lily even saw a new necklace that she liked the look of.

"That looks really nice on you," Iain said, as she tried it on and examined herself in the mirror.

"It's just a shame that it's eighty quid," Lily laughed, carefully undoing the clasp and taking it off. "It's lovely though."

"I'll buy it for you," Iain said. "Think of it as a good progress gift."

"Iain, it's too much," Lily said. "Besides, you already got me that lovely book."

"You are my girlfriend, and you deserve to be treated," Iain said, leaning in and planting a kiss on her cheek. "I'm buying it. No arguments."

Lily smiled, unsure of what to say, as Iain handed the necklace over to the salesman behind the counter. The two men stood chatting, the salesman telling Iain how lucky he was to have a woman as beautiful as Lily, and Iain nodding and agreeing with him the whole time.

Lily hovered nearby, taking a look at the rest of the jewellery whilst waiting for Iain to finish up. She lifted her head and glanced across at the clothes section where a man was browsing at a few of the jackets. He looked familiar but Lily couldn't quite work out where she knew him from.

As she drew closer, she noticed.

"Okay Chuckles," Iain said, walking over with the necklace all wrapped up in a neat little bag. "Where to next?"

"Um...I...I want to go," Lily stammered.

"What?" Iain frowned. "But we've not been here long."

"I want to go!" Lily practically shouted in the middle of the store. "Please," she added in a quieter voice, her lower lip wobbling as tears stung her eyes. "Please Iain," she cried. "It...It's Archie."

"What?" Iain asked.

He wrapped an arm around his girlfriend and followed her gaze. When he noticed that indeed the man she was watching was Archie, his heart dropped and he felt like storming over there and giving him a piece of his mind.

"Please can we go?" She sobbed. "I just want to get out of here. I can't breathe."

"Come on," Iain sighed, knowing that making a scene in the middle of Selfridges would just upset her more. "Let's go."

* * *

As soon as they arrived home, Lily stormed straight into Gem's bedroom and made her way over to the window. She stared out into the street and ran her hands down her face, trying to remember what Mary had advised her to do during a panic attack. She placed a hand on her chest and took a deep breath, wiping a few loose tears away from her face.

"Are you okay, Lils?" Iain asked, slowly following her into the room. "We were having such a nice day. Don't let Archie ruin it for you, yeah?"

"For a moment, I'd forgot all about him," Lily whispered. "And then seeing him there brought back all these memories, and reminded me of what he'd done. I can't breathe, Iain!"

"Just remember what Mary and Connie both told you," Iain said, walking over and giving her shoulders a comforting rub. "Come on, take a breath."

"I can't," Lily cried hysterically.

"Lily," Iain whispered softly. "You're stressing and that isn't good for the baby. Come on princess, calm yourself down for me."

"Why was he even there?" Lily asked.

"It was a shopping centre, Lily," Iain had to laugh. "Loads of people go there. Come on, it was one time and he didn't even see you so please try and put it out of your head okay? I'll put that necklace on you. You'll get to show that off at work tomorrow."

Lily nodded faintly and began to anxiously chew on the end of the sleeve. Iain leaned in and gave her a kiss on the cheek, making sure that she was okay before speaking.

"Can I get you anything?" He asked.

"You've done enough," she said quietly. "Honestly, you shouldn't have to deal with my breakdowns."

"I don't mind," he said, rubbing at her neck. "Now, can I get you anything?" He asked again.

"Just a glass of water please," Lily croaked out.

Iain nodded and gave her shoulder another rub before leaving to go to the kitchen. Lily sniffed and took a nervous breath, slowly following him out. The two of them stayed silent. Iain grabbed a glass and ran it under the tap, and Lily shakily opened one of the kitchen drawers.

"What do you need?" Iain asked, cautiously watching her.

Lily slowly brought a knife out of the drawer. It was as if she was in a daze, unable to realise that Iain was standing nearby, as she went and held it to her wrist.

"Lily, no!" Iain shouted, slamming the glass down onto the counter so that he could lunge forwards and grab the knife from her. "What on earth do you think you're doing?" He shouted, holding her against his chest. "Lily," he whispered, sighing and feeling bad for the way he'd shouted. "I'm sorry. Don't ever scare me like that again though."

"I'm sorry," she whispered, clinging to his shirt.

"Ssshh, don't speak," he soothed. "You're safe."

"Archie," she managed, her face buried deeply into his chest.

"Come on," he sighed, resting his chin on the top of her head. "Look. I'm going to ring Mary, okay? I'll see if she can see you sooner for an appointment. I think you need it."

"Iain, I'll be okay," she pleaded with him.

"No, you won't," he said. "I care about you and our baby, and I think today has really shaken you."

Lily nodded and pulled away, staring into his eyes. She looked to the knife that was now laying on the floor and down at the wrist that she was about to slice into. She gulped and a rush of guilt overcame her.

"I'm so sorry, Iain," she said, a single tear escaping and rolling down her cheek.

"Hey, you're okay now," he said. "And that's the main thing. You still have so many obstacles to overcome Lily, but that's why I'm here. To help you."

 **So only a couple of chapters left. I will be sad to see this story finish x**


	43. Chapter 43

**CasualtyFanForever81: Definitely. I'm glad you liked it :-)**

 **Dancingwithmyshadow6: Me too, shows what a great boyfriend he is. Thanks for your review.**

 **Ltfl: It was. Thank you :-)**

Chapter Forty-Three

"What do you think of the name Cassandra?" Iain asked.

He was sat back against the sofa in the staffroom and he held a big book of popular baby names in his hands. Lily sat beside him, her legs draped across his lap. She frowned when he said the name, and couldn't tell whether he was being serious or not.

"It's a bit posh, isn't it?" Lily said.

"I like it." Iain shrugged his shoulders. "Besides, we could call her Cassie for short."

"It's early days, Iain," Lily had to remind him. "We don't even know if it's a girl or a boy yet."

"It's never too early to get a list of names together though," Iain told her. "Did you speak to Connie anyway?" He asked in a quiet voice, and Lily nodded. "And what did she say?"

"That I'd been doing really well," Lily whispered. "And that I shouldn't let this get me down, and that it didn't matter because Archie didn't even see me."

"So basically the same stuff that I said then?" He asked, winking at her. "Has it reassured you?" Lily gave him a smile and nodded. "Good, and you're due to see Mary tomorrow aren't you?"

"Yeah, I am," Lily whispered. "I have to admit that I'm actually looking forward to it. I feel as if I need a chat."

Iain leaned over and gave her forehead a loving kiss, before getting back to the big book of baby names. Lily sighed deeply and sat listening to him, as he read out a few boys names and then a few girls names, telling her the ones that he liked.

"How about something cool?" He suddenly asked. "Like The Hulk?"

"I am not naming my baby after a superhero character," Lily said, but she was hiding a smile. "Can I have a look at that?"

"Sure," he agreed, handing over the book.

Lily flicked through the papers for a short while, scanning name after name. She found herself reading the girls names more than the boys, secretly hoping that she would get a daughter. She knew not to get her hopes up though.

"How about Emily?" She asked her boyfriend. "That's a nice name."

"Yeah." Iain nodded in agreement, smiling from ear to ear and looking towards her. "I like Emily."

The door swung open, completely interrupting their moment, and Alicia walked in. She grinned at them both and then her grin grew even wider when she realised what they were looking at. The pregnancy wasn't really a secret, Connie and Elle had informed everyone as soon as they'd found out, with Lily's permission of course.

"I'm sorry to interrupt," she said. "Could the two of you come into the reception for a little while though?"

"Why?" Iain frowned at her.

"We just want to talk," Alicia said.

"Sure," Iain sighed, patting Lily's leg. "Come on."

Lily closed the book and set it down on the sofa, as the two of them followed Alicia out into reception. All of the staff in the ED were there, gathered around the desk and waiting for the couple's arrival. Beginning to feel anxious already, Lily gulped and kept hold of Iain's hand.

"What's going on?" Iain spoke for the two of them.

"We're really happy for you both," Alicia said, as Ethan walked over and gave Lily a hug, moving to stand on the other side of her. "And we just wanted to let you know that and give you a small gift."

"You didn't have to do that," Iain said, as Lily rested her head on his shoulder.

"Um...Lily," Robyn began, biting down on her lip with worry. "We're all really proud of you. You've gone through a tough time and you've managed to turn your life around, if you can do that then it shows that we all can if we really tried."

"I don't know about that," Lily sighed, continuing to lean against Iain. "I'm still a mess."

"You're not though," Ethan put in, hands in his pockets. "You're out of psych, you're...you're eating loads better, I don't think you've harmed yourself in a while, and you're going to have a baby. That...That's huge, Lily."

"Thanks," Lily said shyly. "I know you're all trying to make me feel good, but I honestly don't feel as if I've come that far."

"But you have," Alicia said. "And believe me, we've all noticed it. I was so worried about you and then when Mrs Beauchamp and Doctor Gardner actually informed us all of what Archie had been doing, my heart broke. I never imagined it to be that bad."

"None of us did," Louise said, shocking Lily when she spoke.

"You've come a long way," Alicia told Lily again. "And if you aren't proud of yourself, well, we are. Here."

She reached across the desk and picked up an envelope, before walking over and handed it to Lily. She gave the registrar a smile and leaned forwards to hug her. She was shocked when Lily actually hugged her back, whispering a small thanks in her ear.

"Open it up then," Iain said, keeping hold of Lily's hand.

Lily slowly ripped open the envelope and saw a cheque for one hundred pounds. She didn't know what to say, tears stung her eyes and she just passed it to Iain with a shaking hand.

"You guys didn't have to give us that," Lily finally spoke in a small voice. "We don't need it."

"We wanted to," Connie piped up, giving Lily a comforting smile. "Get whatever you need, okay? Maybe some stuff for the baby or something."

"Thanks guys," Iain said, giving his girlfriend a hug. "This really means a lot. I feel extremely lucky right now to have an amazing, beautiful girlfriend, and a baby on the way as well." He leaned down and kissed Lily on the lips. "I couldn't be happier."

"I just can't believe we're going to be parents still," Lily whispered. "It's going to get some getting used to."

"Hey." Iain kissed her again and said, "we're going to be awesome parents. You okay?"

"I am," Lily sighed, looking around at her colleagues. "Knowing that I have you lot looking out for me. Thank you for the money everyone, you really didn't have to go and do that but thank you anyway. Thank you so much."

"How about a drink after work?" Cal asked, aiming the question at everyone in the room. "To celebrate."

"Well, that's up to Lily," Iain said, wrapping his arms around her waist.

He knew how anxious she got in crowds, and how she didn't overly feel comfortable being out in public. He wanted to make sure that she'd be okay before jumping to any decisions.

"It's fine by me," Lily said, smiling for the first time in ages. "I'd like that."

 **Not long to go until the end, I'm afraid. I'm really sorry to be finishing this story x**


	44. Chapter 44

**A: Thank you, and I'm glad you're still enjoying the story. Thanks for reviewing :-)**

Chapter Forty-Four

Iain woke up at exactly three o'clock the next morning to screaming.

He immediately began to panic and quickly threw on his trainers and dressing gown before leaving for Gem's room. Gem was crouched at the side of the camp-bed, desperately trying to wake Lily out of what appeared to be a nightmare.

"What happened?" He asked, kneeling beside his sister.

"She just randomly started screaming," Gem informed him. "But I...I can't make her stop, she just keeps saying that he wants to hurt her and the baby."

"Who?" Iain frowned.

"I don't know!" Gem yelled, shrugging her shoulders. "She won't say."

"Okay," Iain sighed, nodding at her as he tried to calm Lily down. "Has she left the room at all tonight?"

"N...No," Gem stuttered, shaking her head at him. "I don't think so."

Lils, sweetie, can you hear me?" Iain asked, stroking gently at her hair. "It's Iain, talk to me Chuckles." Lily violently shook her head, her fingernails digging into the duvet that she was clinging onto. "Please Lily, you're scaring me."

He rubbed soothing circles up and down her back and eventually, Lily's eyes snapped open. She caught sight of Iain and Gem who were both staring intensely at her and jumped away, her hair soaked in a hot sweat and sticking to her face.

"It's alright," Iain calmed her. "It's just me and Gem. Don't panic."

Lily gulped and small tears rolled down both sides of her face.

"Gem," Iain whispered. "Why don't you go and watch TV or something?"

"It's three in the morning!" She shouted. "I know I said I didn't sleep much but I am actually tired, Iain. It was a long day at work."

"Then sleep in my room!" Iain shouted back. "I just want to talk to Lily for a bit," he added, his voice quieter and softer. "Come on," he whispered, as soon as Gem had left, and he went and sat on Gem's bed. It was bigger and a more comfortable place for them to talk.

Lily nodded and clambered out of the camp bed, going to snuggle up beside Iain on Gem's bed.

"Nightmare?" He asked. "What was it about?"

"Please Iain, I don't want to talk about it," Lily whispered, keeping her head held low.

"Didn't Mary tell you that you need to talk about this stuff?" Iain asked. "With anyone. It helps to get stuff off of your chest, Lily."

"And I'm seeing Mary in..." Lily glanced at the clock and said, "seven hours so I'll just tell her."

"But I'm your boyfriend," Iain reminded her. "And we're having a baby together. I want us to be able to share these kind of things with each other, and I don't want you to feel as if you have to bottle everything up. Because you don't, you're going to have some setbacks and you're going to have low days. I want you to talk to me about this stuff."

"But I don't want to bring you down either," Lily said.

"You won't," Iain said. "The only thing that will bring me down is knowing that you're bottling stuff up because you're scared about my reaction or my feelings."

"Really?" She asked.

"Really," he said, giving her knee a rub. "Now tell me, what was this nightmare about?"

Lily took a nervous breath and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. She bit her lip and gave an anxious shrug, but Iain waited patiently until she felt ready to start speaking.

"It was about Archie," she finally said.

"Okay, okay." Iain nodded, giving her forehead a comforting kiss. "I guessed that much. What happened?"

"I...I saw him," she whispered. "You weren't there but I was out with the baby, and...He came over to us. I couldn't quite work out what he was saying but I just knew that he was hurling abuse at me, telling me that it was my fault. I showed him my scars, crying, and the next thing I knew our baby was gone. I looked up and saw that she was in Archie's arms, and he said that he needed to take her because he was her dad, not you. He ran away with her in his arms, and...That's when I started screaming."

"Oh Chuckles," Iain said sympathetically, holding her close to him. "Come here. You know that's not going to happen, right? I won't let it."

"But you weren't there," Lily sobbed, clinging to him. "There will be times when you won't be there Iain, like when you have to work."

"It won't, Lily," he whispered. "He's gone. I know we saw him that one time in Selfridges but we won't ever see him again, and he won't get near our baby. He has a restraining order, and he knows that he'll go to prison if he comes anywhere near you."

"I don't mind if he hurts me again," she cried. "But I can't have him hurting our baby."

"Don't say that," he said, pulling her into his lap. "You're safe, and our baby is safe," he said, wiping a tear from the side of her face.

"It's not the first time, you know?" Lily whispered. "The nightmare?"

"No?" Iain raised an eyebrow, stroking the sweaty hair out of her face.

"I made Gem promise not to say anything," she said. "I was embarrassed."

"Gem cares for you so much," he said. "Which is why she didn't say anything to me. No more secrets, yeah? If you ever have another nightmare or if you're ever too scared to sleep, come to me. It's about time you started sleeping in my room anyway, you're my girlfriend now."

"I've been such a crap one," she whispered. "I can't even sleep in the same room as you."

"Why is that, do you think?" Iain asked. "We kiss, we...well we've done other stuff as well, considering the fact that you're actually pregnant."

"It's just the sound of a man's breathing in the dark," Lily said. "I used to lay awake and I could hear Archie breathing, and it really scared me. You're right though, I'm your girlfriend and it's about time we began sharing a room. It doesn't make sense for me to sleep with your sister."

"Only if you're okay with that," he said. "We can try it for the rest of the night if you like, see how you feel."

"I don't know if I can go back to sleep tonight," she said. looking across at the clock. "Sorry."

"I have an idea," he said. "Why don't we go for a drive?"

"At this time?" Lily laughed.

"I used to like going out for a drive in the middle of the night," he said. "If I ever got upset or couldn't sleep."

"But what about Gem?" Lily asked.

"She'll be fine," Iain said, leaning in and touching noses with her. "Come on. You can bring a blanket with you." Lily nodded, climbing off of his lap and grabbing the duvet to take with her. "Can I ask you something, Lily?"

"Of course," Lily said.

"Have you...Have you had one of your binge sessions tonight at all?" Iain asked her. "Tell me honestly."

Lily smiled and made eye contact with him, before answering, "No. I haven't."

* * *

"Do you feel better?" Iain asked, as they drove down a country road at sixty miles per hour.

It was pitch black outside, they were the only car on the road, and Lily had the window down so that her hair blew in the wind. She smiled and rested her head against the back of her seat, the duvet draped over her and pulled up to her chin. Iain was still in his pyjamas as well, driving at such ease and happiness.

"Yeah, I do," she replied. "Thank you."

"We're going to have to decide what to spend our money on then," Iain said, reaching across and rubbing at her arm. "I think a cot is needed, so little one doesn't keep crawling into our bed."

He received no answer though. He frowned and glanced across at Lily, only to see that she'd drifted off to sleep. He smiled and shook his head, turning his eyes back to the road as he continued to drive.

"Night Lily," he whispered, even though she wasn't able to hear him.

 **Just one more chapter to go guys! That's right, the next chapter will be the last. I am really sorry to finish this but I know it will get boring and drag if I just keep it going. Besides, I have new ideas that I want to write and I have other stories to update as well x**


	45. Chapter 45

**Ltfl: Thank you. I liked the little scene in the car. Going out in the car always used to calm me down as well :-)**

 **Sallyxo: Me too but it can't carry on forever unfortunately.**

 **Dancingwithmyshadow6: Thank you :-)**

 **chelsea: Aww, that's so sweet of you! I don't want it to finish either but it can't carry on as I have new ideas and it's reached a finale now. I hope you give my new stories a go.**

 **Tanith Panic: Thank you for catching up with the story and reviewing every chapter :-)**

Chapter Forty-Five

 _Three years later_

Emily Dean ran ahead of her parents and raced through the open door of the office. Connie was sat at her desk, her head in a stack of paperwork that needed to be completed by the end of the week. She had to smile when she saw the toddler though and held her arms out to her.

"Where is your mummy and daddy?" Connie asked, pulling her onto her lap.

Connie had to admit that she wasn't overly fond of small children, she was glad that Grace was eleven and pretty much independent now. Emily was cute though and Iain and Lily had brought her up well. Besides, Emily was Connie's god-daughter as well.

"Talking," Emily told the clinical lead. "I got bored."

"They're going to be wondering where you are," Connie sighed, gently bouncing her up and down on her lap. "This is a very pretty dress anyway, do they have it in my size?"

"No," Emily giggled, shaking her head. "Silly!"

Connie laughed at the small girl, just as Lily and Iain walked in with Gem following close behind. She placed Emily down on the floor and greeted the three of them with a small smile.

She was pleased to see Lily looking so well. The registrar had struggled after the birth of Emily and had stopped eating again, but she'd continued to see Mary and take her medication. She'd lost a lot of weight during that period and she still looked rather thin. Emily was now three though and Lily loved her to pieces and was starting to get back to her old self again.

"Come here princess," Lily cooed, sitting on the edge of the sofa.

Emily held her arms up and toddled over to Lily, reaching up to give her mum a kiss on the lips. Beaming happily, Lily kissed her back and tickled her stomach causing her to squeal and clap her hands together.

"She wasn't bothering you, was she?" Lily said, watching as Emily explored the office to see what kind of trouble she could get into.

"Not at all," Connie said, leaning back in her chair with her arms crossed. "I love it when she comes to see me."

"Iain's just dropped me off for my shift," Lily said. "And whilst I'm at work, the two of them are going to go to the park and feed the ducks."

"That sounds nice, I bet you're jealous," Connie laughed, but she knew how pleased Lily was to be working again. "How have you been doing anyway?"

"I'm okay." Lily shrugged her shoulders and continued to watch her daughter.

Gem knelt down on the floor and took hold of Emily's hand, quietly talking to her as she walked and opened each and every one of Connie's drawers. She loved how good of an aunt Gem was and Emily seemed to adore her.

"I had a bad day yesterday," Lily admitted. "But I feel fine today."

"What brought that on?" Connie asked.

"Hard to say," Lily whispered. "I just felt really low. Gem took Emily out for the day though, and Iain stayed at home with me."

"Have you seen Mary recently?" Connie asked her.

"I'm seeing her next week," Lily said. "I used to see her at least twice a week, now I see her once a month."

"That's amazing!" Connie's eyes widened and she beamed, hoping that sooner or later Lily wouldn't even need the counselling sessions.

Lily smiled shyly and looked to where Emily was tipping Connie's pens onto the floor with Gem desperately trying to stop her.

"Emily Gemma Dean! Stop!" She scolded in a loud voice, causing everybody in the office to jump.

"It's okay, Lily," Connie reassured her calmly. "Honestly."

Emily hung her head, tears pricking her eyes at being told off by her mum. She dropped one of the pens that she was holding and sniffed.

"Are you going to tidy those up for me?" Lily asked, her voice softer and calmer. "Come on, be a good girl. You know not to touch things that don't belong to you."

Emily knelt on the floor and began to tidy the pens into the pot. Gem began to help her, pointing to a few pens that she'd accidentally missed. Lily smiled and praised her daughter when all of the pens were in the pot and back on the desk.

"Thanks Gem," Lily said. "Good girl, Emily. You were making Connie's office all messy."

Emily just shrugged her shoulders, still in a sulk after being told off.

"Hey missy," Iain joked, crouching down in front of his daughter. "Mummy didn't mean to tell you off. You were being naughty though, weren't you?" He playfully tickled her under her chin and said, "come on, what do you say?"

Emily giggled and looked up at Lily. "Sorry," she said in a small voice, coughing a little.

"That's okay, sweetheart," Lily said, blowing a kiss to her. "I love you."

"I love you too," Emily laughed, blowing one back to her.

"You both have an adorable little girl there," Connie said to Iain and Lily, smiling down at Emily who was now being tickled and fussed over by Gem again. "You've done well, Lily."

"She's the best thing that's ever happened to me," Lily said. "Especially since I...I thought that I wouldn't be able to have children. I miss her when I'm not with her and I...I do hate the fact that I have bad days, like yesterday I just wanted to spend time with her but I couldn't even get myself out of bed. Now I have to go to work and I can't bare to say goodbye."

She paused and sighed, before continuing.

"I know it sounds silly," she laughed. "I'll be seeing her this evening. Besides, I do like that I'm working again, honestly. I love my job and I hated being off work, I just miss my daughter."

Connie looked towards Emily, and Gem knew that she wanted to speak to Lily about something. Emily was at the age where she was able to hear what was said, and maybe even able to repeat some stuff.

"I'm going to take her for a walk outside," Gem said, standing up and lifting Emily into her arms. "Come on, princess. Aunty Gem will take you for a walk, yeah? We'll go and look at the birds," She cooed, knowing how much Emily liked animals.

She shot Lily and Iain a small smile before leaving the office.

"If you think about it," Connie continued with what she was saying, as soon as Gem and Emily had left the office. "There was a time when you didn't want to be around her. You literally freaked out at the thought of feeding her because you thought you were going to injure her in some way. Now, you don't want to be apart from her so that just shows you're getting better doesn't it?"

Lily shrugged her shoulders. "I guess so," she whispered.

"Tell you what," Connie said. "I'm going to let you have the day off today. You've been working really hard lately so go to the park with Iain and Emily, and have some family time. We'll be okay without you for one day."

"Really?" Lily asked, her eyes wide with shock. "Thank you Mrs Beauchamp, thank you so much. Are you sure though?"

"Positive." Connie nodded. "I think Emily would like it if you were there as well. Go on, go and have some fun. Soon, she'll be starting school and you won't have as much time with her."

Lily stood up and nodded in response, before wrapping her arms around Connie and whispering a small 'thank you' in her ear. Connie rubbed her back and stroked at her hair, realising how far Lily had actually come. Once upon a time Connie had been sat in the bathroom of the ED, watching and talking to Lily as she was sick. It had been a horrible moment and the memory still brought Connie to tears.

Now though, Lily was in a happy relationship and she had a daughter as well. She couldn't be more proud of her.

She soon left the office to go and retrieve her daughter from Gem, leaving Connie and Iain alone.

"She seems happy," Connie stated.

"Yeah, she does," Iain agreed, his eyes on the door. "She's such a good mum to Ems."

"Um..." Connie cleared her throat, not really wanting to say what she was about to. "She's still extremely thin."

"I know," Iain whispered. "But I made her a cooked breakfast the other day and she ate it all, no trouble with it whatsoever."

"That's great news," Connie said. "And yesterday?"

"She didn't eat anything," Iain said. "She doesn't tend to if she's having bad days. She had some toast this morning though and she seems okay. She's doing well. The only problem is that Emily is at that age where she has started asking questions. I just have to explain it the best way that I can, without upsetting or worrying her."

"She is doing well, and Emily is bound to understand and support her mum when she's a lot older," Connie whispered. "It might be best though for Emily to stop coming into my office when I have to discuss certain things with Lily, or she will overhear it all."

"I know," Iain whispered back.

"I better let you head off anyway," Connie said. "Your girls will be getting impatient otherwise. Have a good day, okay?"

"We will," Iain said. "And Connie? Thank you, for everything that you've done for Lily. I'm pretty sure that she'll never forget it."

"Any time," Connie said. "Lily knows where I am if she needs me."

Iain nodded and left to let Connie get on with her paperwork. Lily and Gem were outside, standing and watching together as Emily ran around trying to chase a pigeon.

"You should get her a pet," Gem said to her brother. "Like a rabbit or something. She loves animals."

"A little too much," Lily giggled, walking over and giving Iain a kiss. "We just had to stop her from getting stung by a wasp. Can we go now? I want to go to the park."

Iain had to laugh at her whine and said, "you sound more excited than our daughter. Come on then, have a good day at work Gem."

"I'll try," Gem sighed, going over to give Emily a hug and a kiss before she went to start her shift. "Hey beautiful girl, I love you yeah?" She cooed. "I'll see you later, okay? Good girl."

"I love you," Iain said, wrapping his arm around Lily's waist and kissing her cheek.

"I love you too," Lily said.

"Are you happy?" He asked her, removing the strands of hair from her face.

"Yeah," Lily replied, biting down on her lip. "For once, I think I am. I've realised that talking helps, and it's what I should have been doing a long time ago. I was walking around, secretly hurting, wearing this mask on my face, and I should have just told you what Archie had been doing."

"But you don't have it anymore, right?" Iain asked. "The mask?"

"No, not anymore," Lily answered.

Her mobile vibrated from inside her pocket and for the first time in ages, Lily wasn't actually afraid to look at it. She unlocked it, checked the message that had just come through and smiled.

"It's from Connie," she said, showing the message to Iain.

 _Very proud of you! Have a wonderful day and I'll see you soon xx_

"You know what," Iain said, smiling and giving her another kiss. "She isn't the only one who's proud."

 **So this chapter was a lot longer than I expected it to be. I enjoyed writing it though and feel as if it ended correctly. Although Lily is slowly getting better, she isn't one hundred percent just yet, just like in real life. I felt that it was a realistic approach.**

 **I hope the ending was worth the wait and I'm sorry that it did have to end. I don't like carrying stories on for the sake of it, in case they end up dragging and getting boring. Besides, I have new ideas that I want to write.**

 **I hope you liked the final chapter though. Let me know what you think and stay tuned for new Iain and Lily stories from me. For once I'm actually pretty proud of my work and I have really enjoyed writing this idea xx**


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